It’s Okay to Not Be Okay: That’s True Resilience

We’re taught from young to “stay strong,” “don’t cry,” or “move on quickly.”

But here’s the truth that many of us face:

💥 What you suppress, doesn’t disappear. It builds up. And it can lead to burnout, breakdowns, and even physical illness.

I learned this the hard way. There was a time I pretended everything was fine — but I was silently struggling.

Beneath my smiling face, deep inside, I felt miserable, frustrated, and depressed. I bottled up my emotions and tried to numb it - binging and purging, exercising to extremes… I just wanted to “stay strong” — but I was falling apart inside.

This continued for 8 months until it took a toll on my health.

Alopecia came. I lost all my hair — and with it, the pretense.

This time, I acknowledged my emotions and allowed them to sit with me.

I said it aloud: “I feel scared. I feel very sad.”

And when I did that, I felt lighter, freer, and better. That was the beginning of true healing.

✅ Why Acknowledging Your Emotions is the First Step to True Healing.

In my C.A.R.E. framework, the first principle is to Choose to be positive — because resilience starts with the mindset you decide to bring into your challenges.

But let me be very clear: being positive does not mean ignoring your difficult emotions.

And that’s where many people get it wrong.

True resilience isn't about suppressing your feelings or pretending you're okay. It's about Acknowledging your emotions — allowing yourself to say, "I'm not okay," without shame — and then choosing to respond with compassion.

That's why I created the "A" in my C.A.R.E. framework — Acknowledge your emotions.

I can't emphasize this enough: We are all human. There will be times when we feel stressed, overwhelmed, depressed, even lost. And that's okay.

Healing begins the moment you give yourself permission to feel.

Acknowledging isn’t weakness. It’s a courageous step to resilience.

🌱 From Numbing to Discovery: A Conversation That Sparked Healing

Recently, I changed my WhatsApp profile photo. A good friend commented, “You look more and more pretty. I look tired and older. I tend to sleep late now.”

I asked, “How late?”

She said, “1 to 1.30am and then wake up 6.30 or 7am... I just addicted to online watching drama... bad habit.”

I asked “Then why?”

She said “I need to stop it... But I can't. Actually I feel I use this way to numb myself.”

Noticing there could be a deeper underlying issue, I can’t help but slip into my “coaching mode”. (a little occupational hazard — I tend to put on my coaching hat even with friends!)

I asked her more questions to uncover what was really going on beneath the surface.

Turns out that she does not like her current workplace. She knew that binge-watching dramas had become a bad habit. Through our conversation, she realized she was using dramas to numb the stress she didn’t want to face.

After our one conversation, from that night onwards, she stopped this habit.

Because she tuned into what was really going on inside and acknowledged her emotions — her stress, her unhappiness — just like that, the need to numb disappeared.

When we stop running from our emotions and instead face them with honesty, real healing begins. That’s the power of acknowledging emotions and the quiet beauty of coaching: helping someone find their own answers, from within.

After helping her acknowledge her emotions, I also gently coached her through the rest of the C.A.R.E. framework — choosing positivity, reframing her mindset, and embracing positive self-talk to rebuild her inner strength.

We explored healthier ways she could cope with stress — activities that bring her true joy.

That afternoon, she even sent me a photo from a facial spa. She texted, “I'm here now... I wanna help my face...”

🌟 It was a heartwarming testament to the power of acknowledging emotions — and the life-changing impact of my C.A.R.E. framework.

Healing doesn’t always have to start big. Sometimes, it begins with one honest conversation, a pause, and the courage to feel.

How to Acknowledge Your Emotions

• Pause and Check In – Ask “What emotions am I feeling?”
• Name It – Label your emotion. Is it frustration? Anxiety? Sadness? Naming it helps your brain process it.
• Avoid Judgment – Don’t say, “I shouldn’t feel this way.” Just allow the feeling to be. Try, “This is hard right now, and that’s okay,” or even a simple “I feel overwhelmed.” Giving yourself permission to feel is an act of self-compassion.

💬 Over to You

What emotion are you carrying right now that needs your attention, not your judgment?

What emotion might you be suppressing right now that needs your compassion, not criticism?

🍀Feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or simply needing a little extra support? You don't have to navigate it alone — feel free to reach out to me.

✨ And if you’d like more insights and encouragement like this, subscribe to my newsletter.

In the next edition, I’ll be sharing about R: Reframe Your Mind — the third element of my C.A.R.E. framework — to help you transform challenges into opportunities for growth.

If you haven’t subscribed yet, you can find the link in my LinkedIn profile, right under my name.

With CARE ❤️

Xi Ren