It’s Not What You Say – It’s How You Say It
Welcome to the 118th edition of “In Touch”. As always, I would love to continue the conversation so please hit reply and let me know what you think.
Story of the Week: “It’s Not What You Say – It’s How You Say It"
There’s a small coffee shop that my wife and I have been visiting almost daily – sometimes twice. Each coffee costs about €3. Add a snack, multiply it by two people, then by 30 days and again by 12 months... you get the idea. This is not a one-time transaction; It’s a relationship… or so I thought.
A few days ago, I entered through the back door. It was not the first time but the barista, who knows me well after all this time, looked at me in a way that I can only describe as hostile. After a few tense seconds, she snapped, “You’re not allowed to come in through that door.”
Then, almost without taking a breath, she added: “How many times do I have to say it?”
I was so shocked that I just stood there, stunned, before forcing myself to answer calmly – though with a hint of sarcasm – that I must be very stupid because, on a previous visit, she had informed me that it was the upstairs toilet that was off-limits. Now it was the back door.
We still drank our coffee. The taste hadn’t changed (it remains my favourite) but the feeling had. The atmosphere was suddenly colder.
If I had unwittingly broken a rule, a simple request – “If you could please use the front entrance next time, we’d really appreciate it” – would probably have preserved the relationship. A person’s words and tone of voice can open doors… or close them forever.
In leadership, in business, in service, it’s never just about what you say. It’s about how you say it. Indeed, research shows that 87% of opinions are formed by the tone of someone’s voice, while only 13% are formed by the actual words they use.
People may forget your rules but they’ll never forget how you made them feel when they did so.
Words of Wisdom
The six most important words: I admit I made a mistake.
The five most important words: You did a good job.
The four most important words: What is your opinion?
The three most important words: Can I help?
The two most important words: Thank you.
The one least important word: I.
Anonymous
A Question to Ponder, dear friend.
Can you recall a time when someone’s tone changed your perception of their message completely?
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1moThank you for sharing this story Michael R. Virardi .. When we talk about communication elements, “words” score 7% and “voice + body language” score 93%!! So YES, how we express our ideas and thoughts is way more important than the words themselves!
EURAM Business Director, Global Marketing @ MSD Animal Health | Solutions-Driven Poultry Veterinarian | Empathetic Leadership
1moSuch a powerful reminder that a calm, kind and empathetic tone or way of communication is what builds loyalty and customer retention Michael, it’s never been the other way around. There is a wrong perception that being clear and straightforward might require an abrupt or crude tone, but this has never proven to sustain results on the long term. Thanks for sharing this story.
Empowering Individuals to Reach Their Full Potential: Innovative Learning Solutions from a Learning Leader | #LearningDelivery | #ProgramManagement | #DrivingGrowthandSuccess | #ContinuousLearning
1moSuch a powerful reminder that tone can build bridges or burn them in an instant. This captures perfectly how one small interaction can shift a relationship from warm to distant even when the “product” stays the same. It’s not about being “soft” but about being intentional: respectful tone, empathy, and clarity cost nothing, yet their value is immeasurable. Thanks for sharing Michael R. Virardi
🍏 Founder, Researcher, Author | Turning emotions into assets for people, planet & prosperity
1moHi Michael R. Virardi - such an interesting story! It seems relationships were not mutual and “marriage happens” just in your head🤭 It made me think how often do we believe that if we do something good for people or pay people, we own them😉