It's Not You, It's Me: Rethinking Our Relationship With Money

Not long ago, I went through a life-altering moment—one of those quiet, seismic shifts where the world tilts ever so slightly and nothing looks quite the same again. At the heart of it was money. Or more precisely, my relationship with money—or lack thereof.

As the only daughter in a traditional, loving family, I was raised to be kind, accommodating, and ever-sacrificing. Somewhere along the way, I internalised an unspoken rule: relationships come first, and money? Well, that’s secondary—maybe even a little shameful to talk about. So I gave. I poured every penny I earned into a relationship, believing that love meant sacrifice. That giving everything made me good.

By the time I realised what I had done, it was too late. Or at least, it felt too late. The money was gone. And I was left staring at the wreckage of decisions built on outdated beliefs. But if there’s one thing I know about myself—it’s that I don’t stay down for long.

So I rose. I learnt. I rebuilt. I studied, upskilled, listened to people who had walked this path before. I stopped pitying myself and started teaching myself. And in that process, I found an unexpected new love: money.

Falling in Love with Money

Yes—money.

Not the cold, greedy caricature we’ve all been taught to distrust. But the empowering, stabilising, liberating kind. I realised all those cautionary tales about money being the root of all evil were steeped in fear, not truth. Money, in its essence, isn’t evil. Misused power is. Unchecked greed is. But money itself? It’s the root of options. Of freedom. Of autonomy.

As long as you don’t let ego and excess steer the wheel, money can be a force for good. You can spend it mindfully, make room for more, work joyfully, invest wisely, and attract abundantly. It flows best when treated with respect, not desperation.

And this reframe—this shift in perspective—is something women especially need to hear.

For generations, we've been praised for our grace, our compassion, our strength—but rarely for our financial independence. Money was always handled by someone else, discussed in hushed tones, or dismissed as unimportant. But that narrative is tired. It’s time to tell a new story. A story where money isn’t just about bills and budgets—it’s about dignity, power, and possibility.

Let’s be clear. Avarice—uncontrolled greed, hoarding, worshipping money as if it's a golden idol that might grant you immortality if you didn't spend a cent—yes, that’s unhealthy. But money itself? Money is just a tool. A very powerful, extremely persuasive tool, but still a tool. Like fire, or Instagram filters. It can illuminate or distort, depending on how you use it.

Money as a Lover

Imagine money as a romantic partner. Not just any partner, but the kind who keeps you on your toes. Mysterious. Irresistible. You catch glimpses of them in shop windows and retirement plans, you feel a flutter when your bank balance is healthy, and you ache with longing when it’s not.

Money isn’t needy. It doesn’t beg to be kept. It wants you to court it, respect it, understand its language. It responds not to anxiety but to attention. And when you treat money with consistency and care, it begins to trust you back. It shows up. It buys you gifts. It surprises you on long weekends. Suddenly, you’re not just surviving—you’re dancing through life with a partner who brings security, adventure, and the occasional irrational shopping spree.

There’s a sensuality to it too. A bank notification can feel like a love letter. That satisfying ding when your salary drops in? That’s money whispering, “I’m here, love.” A new investment? That’s commitment. An emergency fund? That’s protection. This relationship is tender, powerful, thrilling—when it’s done right.

But ignore it, and it becomes distant. It ghosts you. You check your wallet and it’s cold. Your account has left the chat. You wonder what went wrong, but deep down you know—you never gave it the attention it needed. You treated money like a one-night stand, when all it ever wanted was a long-term relationship with clear goals and honest communication.

The Empowerment Equation

Having money isn’t just about tapping your card without flinching. It’s about walking into any situation and knowing you have options. You have leverage. You are not trapped. That, right there, is freedom.

It’s the freedom to leave a toxic job. The freedom to say no to that draining dinner. The freedom to support a cause, fund a dream, or simply spend a weekend in bed because you’ve earned it and you can.

When you have a strong relationship with money, your posture changes. You occupy space—not with arrogance, but with quiet certainty. You know your worth. You know what you bring. And you no longer need to explain or apologise for it.

Money and Women: It's Complicated

Here’s where things get spicy.

Let’s talk about women and money. Not in a glossy, Pinterest-board kind of way—but in raw, honest terms. In many households, women are still the silent contributors. They earn. They nurture. They juggle. But when it comes to managing the money they earn, the reins often rest elsewhere.

She earns it, yet someone else decides where it goes. She supports the home, yet feels guilty for buying a new dress. Why? Because she was taught to put others first, always. Because she never saw another way. Because society labelled money management a male role and left her out of the conversation.

When a woman owns her money, she owns her narrative. She can say yes. She can say no. She can leave. She can stay on her own terms. She can fund her own future, her passions, her freedom.

Fathers and mothers, let’s give our daughters a new toolkit. Feminism isn’t about slogans—it’s about giving girls the skills to own their lives. Let them see you talk about money. Let them manage their pocket money, save for things they want, learn from mistakes while they’re still learning. Teach them that money is not dirty or impolite—it’s powerful and necessary.

Flip the Script

Let’s rewrite the old narrative. Not with catchphrases, but with real, intentional change.

Let’s raise daughters who can read a financial statement before they plan a wedding. Who know their investment options before they know what to serve at a dinner party. Let’s make financial education part of growing up—not a post-crisis crash course.

Talk about money at home. Make it normal. Let budgeting be as routine as brushing teeth. Encourage money dates—monthly catch-ups with their own accounts. No shame, no guilt, just clarity and conversation.

Remind women they don’t need to ask permission to spend their own money. That investing is self-care. That savings are a safety net. That wealth is not a dirty word. And above all, remind them they deserve financial autonomy—not someday, but now.

And to our boys—teach them this isn’t a competition. Teach them to admire strength, not fear it. Let them grow into men who celebrate women’s independence, not diminish it. Because financial literacy is not gendered—it’s essential.

Closing the Ledger

Here’s the truth: money isn’t the villain. It isn’t the manipulator, the destroyer, or the false god it’s been made out to be. It’s a mirror—reflecting back how we see ourselves and what we believe we deserve.

For women especially, learning to love and manage money is not about greed. It’s about reclaiming agency. It’s about rewriting a story that was never ours to begin with. It’s about walking away from silence and stepping into strength.

Your relationship with money is a lifelong one. It will evolve with you—through your highs, your heartbreaks, your reinventions. Like any great love story, it requires care, consistency, and a little bit of sparkle.

So take money seriously. Flirt with it. Woo it. Know its rhythms. Learn its language. Respect it, and it will respect you back.

Because money, when loved wisely, doesn’t just stay. It multiplies. It moves with you. And that, my friend, is not greed. That’s growth. That’s freedom. That’s love.