‘It’s not you, it’s me’ - Are we falling out of love with social media?

For those that know me well, you will know that I have been a big fan of social media almost from the outset. I remember presenting to a large HR audience ten years ago about what a minute in social media looks like across various platforms, and the emerging research behind what days/times best suited an audience with regard to posting messages, and being asked by LinkedIn to meet them and discuss how we could get more NHS people using the platform.

The freedoms were endless – the ability to network at the click of a button, share achievements and successes, and make introductions to people to aid their network or search for employment. It was exciting to get others involved, and be part of breaking down the fears that people had about how it could be abused, or whether it needed stronger governance. The future was all about twitter, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn – and how could HR professionals use it to engage with a future workforce.

Ten years on, and technology has evolved, and we are starting to have the same questions and challenges on advances such as AI. In ten years from now, we will be discussing more advances in social media, AI and much more I believe.

Some of you may have watched the Netflix series ‘adolescence’. I won’t spoil the plot or ending for those that haven’t seen it, but not for the first time in the last few years, it made me stop and think about the dark side of social media. It was gripping, and the entire cast are exceptional.

I decided to come off twitter earlier this year for 3 main reasons. Firstly, since it became ‘X’, I found things on my newsfeed that were not relevant to me, or showing tweets from people that I would never have an interest in following. Secondly, I found it was becoming a very negative space – I felt it lost its joy. It became a platform, in my view, where tweets were about creating division amongst society, and frankly, became extremely racist, homophobic and discriminatory – how can I be a good ally and be part of that? Thirdly, the hate turns into personal messages, often from people you don’t know citing homophobic abuse, or worse, asking you to go out with them. For 6 months, I also had a stalker – someone who tirelessly went through my entire social media, and that of my husband, to glean information. This person would send awful messages and emails, often threatening physical violence – I had a panic button on my phone and in my office. It resulted in him following me and confronting me in a Tesco – I was alone, and the stalker knew this because he had read a simple tweet from my husband saying that he was away for a few days studying. One of the most terrifying experiences, and certainly changed my habits toward social media.

I think about different generations and the use of social media. The actor, Stephen Graham, hugging his son’s teddy bear in one episode of Adolescence, was particularly poignant for me. I don’t share pictures, and rarely talk about my children on social media (even before the stalker period) – but my oldest son has a teddy bear monkey – he has had it forever, and absolutely loves it. It is part of him over the last 12 years, and a source of fun and comfort at times – Monkey is never far away. For the father in this series to hug his son’s teddy made me think, are we doing enough to protect our children from social media? It’s a bigger debate, but if you do watch Adolescence, it will open your eyes to the underground meaning of emojis, bullying and how the ‘online’ is distracting from ‘reality’, and how ‘influencers’ are doing so much more than just influencing. Of course, parental controls can be in place, and there is much talk about age restrictions for the use of smartphones or particular apps – but if we are honest, many of these are bypassed by users today, so we have to rely on the relationship we have with our children, our nieces, nephews and friends to ensure that the controls work.

It made me really reflect and think about the dark side of social media and whether it is beginning to overshadow the good. How, to some groups, the use of a simple emoji signifies power, secret codes, control and abuse – all the things that I had no clue about, and I don’t feel I am someone who is an amateur when it comes to social media. I thought emojis were meant to be fun – not cause harm to others.

Despite all of this, I continue to use social media for good – to do all the things I did ten years ago – but today, with perhaps a tinge of worry and concern. I believe there is much more to do in educating on the benefits and risks of social media – but it is on of us all to understand social media much more from other perspectives, and not just our own. Social media, AI are still part of the future.

And, if I am hugging that Monkey, I want my 12 year old sons firmly holding the other paw (you will understand if you have seen Adolescence - and i havent spoilt the plot or ending).

So to social media, I still love you, but our love has changed – and its’s me, and you.