Journal Entry 012 – One‑Way Compatibility: You Fit Their Business. But Do They Fit Yours?

Dear Everyone,

There’s nothing particularly glamorous about the day-to-day of running a business. Sure, we talk a lot about vision and growth and impact, but what often gets left out is the stuff that stays consistently happening behind the scenes: the invoices, the awkward fee negotiations, the subtle dance of proving your worth without sounding desperate. It’s all very unsexy, but highly necessary.

And when you strip it all back, the reason so many of us end up bending ourselves into weird shapes for clients isn’t always about ego or wanting to be liked. A lot of the time, it’s just about needing to keep the lights on, rent paid, payroll covered, and buying time until the next invoice clears. That’s the pressure that makes one-way compatibility so easy to fall into, because it’s not just about pleasing people or chasing prestige, it’s about making ends meet.

That’s why so many founders, me included, at times, have found themselves in these lopsided setups. Where you’re doing more than you agreed to, for less than it’s worth, just to hold onto what feels like a lifeline. It doesn’t always start off feeling inappropriate, in the moment, it can feel smart and strategic. But those tiny adjustments, they stack up quickly, and before you realise it, you’re not running the business you built, you’re just reacting, juggling whatever comes your way. The result is the opposite of the offer you originally had signed into: It’s now buried under a pile of half-favours and blurred boundaries.

1. The Illusion of a “Good Fit”

Let’s cut to the chase: there is a reality to knowing a good fit, and wanting to believe it is so you don’t lose a client. I can’t speak for everyone, but I can certainly say that my gut feeling is always, one hundred percent of the time, spot on. I get a feeling about something or someone and I can easily ignore it, based on outside circumstances that speak louder than my reasoning. I can ignore it but I cannot run away from the disaster I am putting myself into from that moment on.

I also believe it truly depends on your background and where you come from. I am Brazilian, so I fully understand the “doing it the Brazilian way”. That really just means cutting corners, taking a shortcut to get there faster, spending less money by paying people less than what they are worth, scamming the government, and many other ways. However, in this case, it means being persuaded into all the scope creep that a client can infiltrate into the project scope at your expense. This act doesn’t necessarily means that the client is an evil manipulator, though I truly believe unconsciously it is very possible to do it without even realising.

What you don’t realise at the time is that, by allowing those small additions, you are setting the tone for your professional relationship with your client. So we tell ourselves another lie, (and we know that we’re about to lie) but we still do it because we have to: we tell ourselves we will get it under control, and that it won’t take so long. They're all lies we tell ourselves so we don’t have to make the tough decision to address it or drop that client.

Here’s what often happens: you do the extra favour: perhaps it’s research, maybe it’s ad-hoc support, or even a hastily‑added task. You say to yourself: there is nothing to worry about, I'm under control of this situation. The width of favours becomes the new norm as the client notices that you’re malleable. You become known as the flexible one, and when they lean, with subtle glances and thank-you emails, with you’re amazing compliments, they expect you to lean back. This is one-way compatibility at its finest: flattering, unquestioned, unsustainable.

2. Grey Squares, Turquoise Circles, and the Missing Puzzle

Visualise it: your business is a neat, grey square. Each side represents something, your resources, your strengths, your business model, your identity. Think of it as a clear template: this is what I do, this is where I do it, this is what I charge, this is how far I’ll go.

Now, in struts a turquoise circle: your client’s needs. They’re big, vaguely defined, and oh so flexible. At first, you coax that circle into your square, but circles don’t sit nicely in squares. Their edges poke out, and those curving edges demand more room. What’s unfolding is not a union, it’s an uncomfortable and dangerous squeeze.

Maybe you’re brought in as a fractional marketing director, hired to craft a content plan. But six weeks in, you’re moderating internal team conflict, you’re coaching junior staff on the tone of voice, you’re looped into GTM decisions, and none of that was agreed upon, none of that was scoped or priced...but it’s happening anyway. Or perhaps you were hired to do compliance checks in a finance startup, then suddenly, you’re drafting HR policies, advising on legal structures, helping with pitch decks.

My point is: once those rounded, unchecked needs breach your edges, they become expectations, and once you give in to the expectations, they become the norm. Grey squares are firm, they have corners. But circles, turquoise or otherwise, keep pushing, pressing, warping the shape until square and circle are indistinguishable, and that’s dangerous.

3. When Unspoken Agreements Cost You

Why don’t they just ask? Why wouldn’t they pay for these extras? You ask. The answer is subtle: it often happens in the silent spots, the polite lapses in conversation. The phone call that transitions from project talk to existential recurring meta-support. The hallway chat where they mention they wish they’d had you at a strategy offsite. These little concessions aren’t over demands, they’re whispered hopes. But without you saying, “no thank you” or “that’s outside scope,” they morph into unspoken agreements.

In fact, many clients don’t realise they’re overreaching. They assume you’re helping by default. They assume the spill is fine if you don’t redefine it. But from your end, what starts as a minor favour becomes a slow bleed.

You start responding to messages at 9 pm. You’re included in random stakeholder emails. You’re drafted into senior team debriefs, all without added fees. You’re the utility service, a patchwork fallback when things derail. At first, it feels good to be needed, to be the hero. Until, of course, it isn’t.

4. How It All Backfires

a) Burnout

Burnout isn’t always the dramatic meltdown we expect it to be. It could be the knot in your stomach before opening that client email, the dragging mornings, the dread that settles in when the weekly call rings on your calendar. You realize you’re surviving, not thriving, you’re not doing the kinetic, heart-in-it work that once energised you...you’re just…doing.

b) Resentment

Then comes resentment: slow, like rust. You feel undervalued, you resent the hours that didn’t get invoiced, the effort that wasn’t recognised, the energy dribbled away. You feel trapped, saying no becomes emotionally costly because you've said yes so many times, now you might as well have stamped it on your forehead. Part of all this is your doing, you didn’t fortify the boundaries. We cannot wholly blame clients for moulding what was allowed.

c) Diluted Identity

Perhaps most heartbreaking is what happens to your identity. That business you launched with pride, description, pitch, copy, you no longer sound like that person. Ask them What do you do?” and you mumble: Well, consultancy…but also operations, product—sort of everything? You stop seeing your business as anything but a chaotic patchwork. The clarity you once had dissolves into mush.

d) The Opportunity Cost

The losses go beyond hours. Imagine the clients you could have had, vision-aligned clients willing to pay full structure-rate. The opportunities you lost because your calendar was jammed serving these off‑scope "opportunities." You’re not just losing work; you’re losing your pipeline, your position, your market credibility, and your confidence.

5. Catching the Creep Before It Bites

How do you catch it early?

Listen with awareness:

That phrase while you’re here… or could you just…? isn’t innocent. When repeated, those polite asks morph into pattern. You’re so good at this, mind copy‑editing this? Sure, why not. Two asks later, you’ve scaled into ghost project coordination.

Self‑check regularly

Stop and ask yourself: Do you still feel in your lane? Do you enjoy this? Is this what you signed up for? Choose clarity over fear. Are you working from passion or from the fear of losing money or letting someone down?

Use scope as a compass

Your scope document isn’t bureaucratic nonsense, it’s a protective map. When someone strays, refer back to it. Let’s revisit the scope before we continue. It doesn’t have to be harsh, just clear. It says, I care about delivering what matters most.

6. Redrawing the Lines

Reclaiming your shape often starts with one calm sentence: That request is outside of our current scope, but I’m happy to chat about expanding it.

Or: My role doesn’t currently include that area, but I can recommend someone who does.

Or: This seems like a new priority entirely. Let’s revisit what we’ve agreed and make sure it’s still aligned.

That’s it. Spoken early, spoken firmly, spoken calmly. The right people don’t flinch. In fact, they nod, because when you treat your work with respect, they do too. That’s the essence of two‑way compatibility: clarity meets mutual respect. It’s not rigidity, it’s resonance.

7. Why Two‑Way Compatibility Thrives

Clarity is magnetic, not because it’s flashy, but because it’s rare. When you say, this is what I do, this is who I do it for, and this is where I stop, you bule credibility, you attract aligned opportunities, those that actually fit your shape, with far less noise.

With your edges intact, you grow with intention, price accurately, and you hire intentionally. Those nebulous, friendly “could‑you‑just asks start to evaporate. You smile and refer them to someone who fits, without guilt and without fear, without bending.

8. When No Is the New Yes

Here’s the secret: sometimes, “no” is the stronger word. Offering a recommendation or politely declining an off‑scope ask doesn’t block your relationship, it clarifies it. Someone who respects your boundaries is someone you can build with. Now for the rest? You’re better off waving them on.

And yes, that feels scary. you worry: What if they walk? What if I lose revenue? Fair fears. But ask yourself: At what cost are you keeping them? What compromises are you making? And more importantly: What opportunity are you missing by staying?

9. Reflection and Recalibration

If you’re reading this and realising you’re tangled in this grey-circle mess, start with introspection. What’s that corner of your weekly calendar flattening your edges? Which client’s ask feels like acid wash to your pride? What long-term agreements have snuck into your month-to-month?

➝ Reflect.

➝ Document.

➝ Respond.

Yes, it requires courage and conversation. But it’s also freeing, it’s clarity in action. It reminds you who you are, and helps others see you, clearly too.

10. Closing Thoughts

One‑way compatibility often hides behind phrases like It’s just a little extra. It flirts as flattery and taps at ego, but it’s never small. It grows, inexorably, and bending too far becomes breaking.

Hold your shape, shape is not a weakness, it’s identity. When your shape holds, so do your purpose, your margins, your sanity. When clients respect that, result follows: more aligned work, better pay, less burnout, and a business that stands for something. Not because it’s big, but because it’s clear.

So, here’s to square shapes, blue-sky clarity, and two‑way compatibility: built on honesty, respect, and the courage to say what you mean. The clients who fit will show up naturally, quietly, deliberately, and in resonance with your resistant edges.

Until next week,

Tiago