Lead From Values, Not Control

The Carid Leadership Method Begins With Values, it's our compass, our true north.

If you don’t know your values, you’ll fight the wrong battles. If you don’t know your team’s, you’ll say “no” in ways that hurt more than you ever intended.

Every idea originates from somewhere, and that somewhere can be rooted in a core value. People don’t pitch ideas just for fun. They pitch them because something they care about is being activated, something they love is missing, or something they stand for is under threat.

You want to lead well? Start by learning what those values are, yours, theirs, and the ones that belong at the center of the culture you’re building.

STEP 1: Know Your Values

“You can’t lead with integrity if you don’t know what drives you.”

🔧 "Find Your Two"

Adapted from Brené Brown but grounded in The Caird Method:

Start with a big, messy list of values:

Examples: honesty, creativity, structure, service, curiosity, loyalty, compassion, equity, play, justice, growth, resilience, clarity, humor, freedom, accountability, community, faith, family, etc.

Pick your top five.

Now ask:

“If I could only keep two, under pressure, in conflict, or when it’s costly, which ones would I protect?”

That’s it. Those are your core values.

Definition: What is a Core Value?

A core value is the thing you value when everything else is falling apart.

It’s not your role. It’s not your strengths profile. It’s not your mission statement. It’s the force behind your real-time decisions.

Ryan's Example:

Curiosity: Born from dyslexia + ADHD. Traditional learning failed. Experiential learning saved me.

Support: I needed advocates when I was growing up. I became one. That’s never changed.

"I became a better leader when I understood that these were non-negotiable for me."

STEP 2: Ask Your Team for Theirs

"You can't lead people if you don’t know what they care about."

🔧 "What Drives You?"

Use this in onboarding, team retreats, or casual 1:1s:

“What are your two core values? What do you come back to when everything else is out of your control?”

Listen deeply. Look for what lights them up, or where they show emotion.

Bonus prompt: "What were the values you almost picked?"

This adds even more insight.

Write it down. Track it. Use it.

Know your team’s values the way you know their deadlines and PTO. It’s that important.

STEP 3: Spot "Values in Disguise"

"People won’t always say their values. But they’ll show them."

🔧 Learn to Listen Differently

Examples:

"Can we spend more for compostable supplies?" → 🌱 Environment

"I want to run this even if turnout’s low." → ⚖️ Equity

"We need better communication." → 🔄 Clarity or Respect

"Let’s add more time for community stories." → 🤝 Connection

What to do:

When you hear these cues, don’t dismiss them as preferences. Ask:

"Is this something that really matters to you? A value, not just a suggestion?"

Understanding that difference changes everything.

STEP 4: Hire and Promote for Values Fit

"Shared values = shared direction. Misaligned values = constant tension."

You don’t want or need clones. You need complementary values that work together toward the mission.

🔧 The Value Fit Filter

Ask in interviews:

"What are your two core values, and how do you try to live them in your work?"

Then ask yourself:

Can these values thrive in our culture?

Will they challenge the team in a productive way?

Or will they create ongoing misalignment?

Note: You don’t have to share someone’s values to honor them. But if the gap is too big, be honest about the fit.

STEP 5: Lead Like a River Guide

“Managers bulldoze through rock. Leaders guide the river through the canyon.”

Your team is not a flat surface. They are layered, textured, shaped by lived experiences and values.

If you try to force a straight path, you will:

Create resistance

Trigger disengagement

Burn people out

However, if you guide them through their terrain with their values in mind, you achieve flow, alignment, and loyalty.

Guiding Question:

"Am I forcing people into a structure they don’t fit? Or leading them toward a shared destination in a way that works with who they are?"

STEP 6: Share Your Values First

"You can't expect people to show up honestly if you don't."

🔧 Go First

Tell your team:

"My two values are __________ and __________. Here's a moment in my life that made those non-negotiable for me."

Then say:

"I want to know yours too. Not for a file, but because I don’t want to manage tasks. I want to lead people."

STEP 7: Be Honest About the Gap

“If I had known what leadership valued, I might have stayed. Or I might have known to leave. Either way, I wouldn't have burned out trying to guess.”

People need to know:

What their leaders value

Whether those values align with their own

That clarity lets them:

Show up with purpose

Advocate for their needs

Or self-select out if it’s not a fit

🔧 Value Alignment Check

Ask:

"Do our values align, even if they’re not identical?"

"Do I feel punished when I act from my values?"

"Does this organization make space for what matters to me?"

If the answer is no, you know what to do.

Practical Suggestions for Leading From Values, Not Control

1. Identify Your Core Values

Make a broad list of personal values (examples: curiosity, support, honesty, equity, growth, etc.).

Narrow that list down to the two you would defend under pressure or conflict.

Regularly revisit these values, especially when faced with tough decisions.

2. Surface Team Values

Start every new relationship or project by asking team members:"What are your two core values? What do you protect when everything else is out of your control?"

Listen for stories or moments when their values were challenged or honored.

Document and track these values for ongoing reference.

3. Listen for Values in Disguise

Pay attention to requests or suggestions that might reflect deeper values ("Can we use eco-friendly products?" might point to a value like stewardship).

When in doubt, ask clarifying questions: "Is this something that really matters to you? Is it a value, not just a preference?" If you can, honor it.

4. Embed Values in Hiring and Promotion

Integrate value-fit questions into interviews:"What are your two core values, and how do you try to live them at work?"

Assess whether candidates’ values will align, complement, or challenge your existing culture productively.

5. Guide, Don’t Bulldoze

Consider yourself a river guide: actively shape the flow, but adapt to the “terrain” of your team members’ lived experiences and foundational values.

Resist the urge to impose one-size-fits-all processes—adapt your leadership style to the values present on your team.

6. Model Vulnerability and Authenticity

Share your own values and why they matter to you, including personal stories that made them non-negotiable.

Give room for others to reciprocate without judgment or forced conformity.

7. Make Value Alignment a Regular Check-In

Routinely ask yourself and your team:

“Do our values align, even if they’re not identical?”

“Does our workplace make space for what matters most to us?”

“Do I feel supported when I act on my values?”

Encourage honest conversations when value gaps emerge and address misalignment before it leads to disengagement.

8. Use Values to Navigate Challenges

When conflicts arise, anchor decisions and mediation in the team’s shared core values for clarity and consistency.

Celebrate actions and successes that reflect core values (not just outcomes or metrics).

9. Make Values Visible

Display core values in team spaces, project docs, and regular meetings.

Include value-reflective practices in routines, such as opening meetings with a “value check,” sharing stories that highlight lived values, or publicly recognizing values-driven behavior.

10. Maintain Flexibility and Growth

Recognize that values may evolve with new experiences—invite re-evaluation as your team grows and changes.

Encourage curiosity and openness to new values or perspectives that complement or enhance your culture.

By embedding these practices, you will create a resilient, ethical, and high-performing culture where people bring their best selves to work, and “Why Not?” ideas can thrive.

Final Summary: Lead From the Core

Leadership isn’t about charisma. It’s about clarity.

And clarity begins with values.

If you want a culture that thrives, you need a culture where people’s values are seen, shared, and supported.

This isn’t about being soft. It’s about being solid. Values create the structure that holds when the system doesn’t. They are the foundation of every strong leader, team, and lasting culture.

Start there. Stay there. Lead from there.