Let Them Go: Leading Through Disappointment and Detachment

In Part 1 of this series, Let Them: The Leadership Lesson You Didn’t Know You Needed, I shared how trying to stay too involved actually kept my team from growing. I’ve learned, that’s not leadership. That’s fear.

Let Them by Mel Robbins challenged me to step back. To let people carry their own weight. To trust the team I built. That mindset shift is still stretching me, especially when it comes to what we’re talking about today; letting go.

This Is the Hard Part

Letting people try is one thing. Letting them go? That’s much harder.

I don’t just mean letting people go from your team. I mean letting go of who you thought they’d be. Letting go of the potential you saw that they never tapped into. Letting go of the version of them you created in your head. 

Every leader has faced this. You bring someone on, coach them, develop them, pour into them. You invest time, trust, and belief. And when they fall short or quit and give up it feels personal.

But I have learned some people are only meant to be part of your life and leadership story for a season.

Letting them go doesn’t make you a failure. It makes you a leader who understands detachment.  One of my sayings is, you can't want more for people than they want for themselves.

When I Didn’t Want to Let Go

I once led a project that required a lot of agility. There were tight deadlines, frequent changes, and a team that had to move quickly. There was one person I brought on who had great experience on paper and a ton of promise. I truly believed they’d be rock star.

Before that project even began, I was genuinely excited to mentor them. I remember our first few conversations. They said all the right things. They seemed eager, asked for feedback, even told me they wanted to grow into a leadership role one day. I bought in. I gave them my time, access, and insights. Everything I wished someone had given me early in my career.

But over time, their actions and energy didn’t match their words.

They needed constant reminders. When I offered coaching, they deflected. I found myself more invested in their growth than they were. And let me tell you, there’s no burnout quite like pouring into someone who’s not pouring into themselves.

Still, I kept making excuses for them. Maybe they’re just overwhelmed. Maybe this isn’t the right time. Maybe I need to say it differently. I carried their lack of follow-through as if it were a leadership failure on my part.

But deep down, I knew. They didn’t want to grow. At least not right now. And the hardest part was accepting that.

Letting Go Doesn’t Make You Cold

This is where most of us get stuck. We confuse detachment with indifference. We think letting go means we didn’t care. But that’s not true at all.  You can care deeply and still know when to release someone from your expectations. You can be invested and still say, this isn’t working. You can give someone a chance and still hold them accountable.

Leaders who lack detachment often carry resentment. You feel weighed down by the people who didn’t show up the way you hoped they would. But that’s not leadership. That’s emotional debt. And it will burn you out!

Let Them reminded me that leadership isn’t about keeping everyone. It’s about knowing who’s willing and ready to go where you’re going.

When You Let Go, You Create Room for Their Growth

Every time you keep someone in a role they’ve outgrown (or never grew into), you are blocking someone else from rising. 

When I finally let go of people who weren’t aligned, I created opportunities for new leaders to emerge. People who had been waiting for their turn to step up finally had room to grow. And I could finally lead forward without dragging the weight of potential that never materialized.

You can provide the environment. You can offer feedback. You can create opportunities. But you cannot force growth. That part is on them, not you.

If someone isn’t responding to coaching, consistently underperforming, or showing you they’re not committed, let go. I’m not saying terminate them. But it does mean you stop pouring energy into a closed door. Let them choose their path. Your leadership doesn’t require their validation to be legitimate.

Wrapping Up

Letting them go doesn’t mean you stopped believing in people. It means you started believing in yourself and the vision you’re called to lead. Let Them showed me it is ok to not just delegate but to detach. When you stop trying to carry people who no longer want to move, you free yourself to lead the ones who do.  Here are a few things you can do this week to practice letting go.

• Review your team for someone you have been carrying. Ask yourself honestly: Are they still aligned with where this team is going?

• Detach from the version of them you created. Replace it with the version they’re showing you.

• Say what needs to be said. If you’ve been avoiding a hard conversation, schedule it.

• Give someone else a chance. Who has been quietly showing up? Look at who’s ready.