Losing Ourselves in the College Process

The pressure to get into a “top-ranked” college has never been higher. Students—especially those from immigrant and minoritized communities—are burning out, conforming, and contorting themselves to fit an outdated and irrelevant definition of success.

And parents? They're anxious and adrift, grasping for a formula that doesn’t exist. Many believe there must be a secret—someone who knows the inside track—so they binge on college admissions content: books, podcasts, webinars, social media videos. Even families who’ve hired private college counselors are still up late at night, doom-scrolling through Reddit threads or YouTube explainers.

You may think this sounds extreme and unlikely. But let me tell you about two moms that represent the vast majority of Signet's clientele. (Names have been changed, of course.)

Terry

Terry lives in Westchester County. She’s white, very wealthy, and well aware of her privilege. Her son attends a top public school—a strategic decision so they could invest in everything else: private tutors, club sports, expensive summer programs.

Even with all that support, Terry stays up late researching how to “get it right.” She’s overwhelmed and searching for clarity.

What she really needs isn’t another checklist—it’s trust in herself and her son. To get there, needs someone who can cut through the noise and help her:

• Understand what actually matters
• Set her own boundaries on information consumption
• Refocus her efforts on what’s best for her son’s growth—not just his résumé

Terry—and many moms like her—come to me not just for strategy, but for peace of mind.

Pallavi

On paper, Pallavi’s life looks a lot like Terry’s. She lives in a wealthy New Jersey suburb. Her son plays club sports and attends a great public school. She and her husband are highly educated professionals.

But Pallavi doesn’t see herself—or her family—reflected in most of the advice out there. She’s asking, “Is this even relevant for my Indian son who wants to be an engineer?”

Pallavi’s concerns go deeper. She’s reckoning with:

• The pressures she felt growing up as a child of immigrants
• The pressure her immigrant partner imparts, who carries a different set of cultural expectations around achievement
• Systemic barriers like racism and bias that her white peers don’t have to think about

In many other countries, one test can determine your college future. There are government-issued rankings of universities. But in the U.S.? It’s murkier. More subjective. Pallavi wants her son to thrive—but not at the expense of his joy or mental health. She wants a different path forward.

Despite their resources, both Terry and Pallavi feel like it might not be enough. They're terrified their kids won’t “make it.”

They’re haunted by the what ifs:

• What if my kid isn’t resilient enough?
• What if I make the wrong choice?
• What if we miss a strategy that could’ve changed everything?

This is the trap so many families fall into. And it’s not your fault.

The system is confusing, opaque, and often cruel. It feeds on anxiety and perpetuates inequity. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

At Signet, we’ve helped thousands of families navigate the college process with more clarity, confidence, and compassion. As a child of immigrants who went through this system, attended Harvard for undergrad and grad school, and now advises students across the country, I get it.

That’s why I’m writing a book—not just to give you the essential information and coaching tools you need, but to help you understand why this process feels so overwhelming in the first place.

This book is for parents like Terry and Pallavi. It’s for anyone who’s ever felt like they were losing themselves—or their child—to the college process.

Together, we’ll:

• Calm your fears
• Unpack the systemic forces at play
• Build your teen’s sense of self-awareness and self-worth
• And guide your family toward a version of success that’s authentic and lasting

The goal is not just to survive this process, but to make it transformative.

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