Meta-Identity and Mindfulness: Its not what you're missing, it's finding what you already have

A while back, Adam Peters wrote a post that really hit me.

He had just gone through hip surgery and compared each painful step in his recovery to the process of military transition.

“You think you’re ready, but every step fights back.”

That’s transition in a nutshell—whether it’s physical, emotional, or spiritual.

But here’s the thing: for many of us, the struggle isn’t just because we don’t have other roles or identities.

It’s that we don’t realize we do.

We All Have Other Identities—We Just Don’t Always See Them

If you had asked me a few years ago whether being a father, husband, mentor, or even a fly fisherman mattered to me I would have said “Of course!” But those roles weren’t conscious. They weren’t central. Why? Because in uniform, the structure of identity is handed to you.

The mission tells you your purpose.

The unit gives you your home.

The team is your tribe.

And it’s reinforced with medals, rank, evaluations, and traditions. But when you step out of that world, suddenly no one is assigning value to your other roles.

No one gives you a ribbon for being a great dad. No one schedules a feedback session to say, “Hey, the way you listened to your wife and cleaned the house the way she likes it? That was next-level leadership.”

So we forget. Or worse—we overlook the richness we already have.

That’s Where Mindfulness Comes In

I’ve been learning a lot from my friend Jon Macaskill , a retired Navy SEAL and one of the co-hosts of Men Talking Mindfulness. One of the biggest takeaways?

Mindfulness helps us notice and focus on what’s already present—but maybe under-appreciated.We all have moments of purpose, belonging, and grounding… we’re just not trained to see them. And if we don’t see them, we don’t invest in them. And if we don’t invest in them… they don’t grow.

Just like in fly fishing:

I can have the best rod, the perfect fly, and all the river knowledge in the world—but unless I’m present enough to cast the line… that 20” brown stays under the rock.

Mindfulness is what lets us cast the line.

Meta-Identity: A Portfolio of Who You Are (and Are Becoming)

I call this framework Meta-Identity:

It’s the sum of all the roles we live in—past, present, and future.

It includes:

• The roles we chose (like fly fisher, husband, volunteer)

• The roles we were given (like veteran, trauma survivor)

• The roles we’re still building (like guide, healer, protector of peace)

It’s like a financial portfolio. Some roles are high-yield but high-risk (like the military).Others are stable, slow-growth (like parenting or spiritual life).But the key isn’t just in having these roles.

It’s in noticing them…

Valuing them…

Investing in them.

And that takes intentionality.

That takes mindfulness.

The River Was Cold, But the Moment Was Warm

Just a few days ago, my wife Krisha surprised me.

She’s been really getting into fly fishing lately, and she was the one who planned a family day on the Arkansas River.

We brought the kids. The pups. The rods.

My daughter caught bugs and a few fish.

My son and I had a rock-throwing contest.

Krisha and I took turns watching the kids and fishing.

And even though I’d never been to that exact spot, I knew how to read the water.I knew where the fish would be.I knew how to move, where to cast, and how to set her up for success too.

That’s what happens when you’ve invested in an identity—it becomes a kind of home, no matter where you are.

And because I had confidence in my purpose (as a fly fisher), and comfort in my home (the river), I was able to welcome Krisha deeper into this tribe.And because she’s part of my family tribe, she trusted me.And then, together, we created a moment where all three pillars—purpose, home, and tribe—came together.

That’s meta-identity in motion. Oh… and that fish?

I landed a 20” brown trout—my personal best on the Arkansas.But the best part wasn’t the fish.

The best part was looking around at my family, wet dogs and all, and feeling:

“This is me. This is my life. And I belong here.”

I may have lost my military role…but I have other identities. And when I’m mindful enough to recognize them, value them, and invest in them…

I don’t just feel like I’ve found myself again.

I feel like I’ve come home.

Next time, I’ll be diving into the Three Pillars of Identity—Purpose, Home, and Tribe—and how you can use them to rebuild stability, confidence, and connection in your life.

If you’re tracking with this journey, or if you’re walking through a transition of your own, I’d love for you to stick around. You can subscribe to my (free) newsletter right here to get future posts, reflections, and resources as they come out.

Until then—cast the line, stay present, and keep investing in the identities that truly matter.