Mothers Who Work

I had a really interesting conversation with Liz Agostini last Friday at Event Production Show & International Confex summer party, hosted by the brilliant staff at Mash Media .

We talked about a few different things, some work-related and some just general chit-chat, but the topic that we both got very passionate about was the disappointing fact that many women in today’s world are still forced to make a choice between being a mother or pursuing a career. And because of the ideas Liz and I exchanged, I thought I’d discuss this very issue in my Thought for Thursday.

Firstly, I’ll address the elephant in the room... yes, I’m a man! I am therefore not a woman nor am I a mother. But I’ll qualify my opinions by stating that I have two young children, and have a wife who is talented, strong and ambitious. So I’ve seen first-hand the struggles that balancing a career with motherhood presents. And these struggles are despite the fact that we have a very well-balanced relationship in which we both work as a team to parent our children and manage our household. 

When I told my wife that I was writing this article, she came out with a statement that encapsulated the heart of this topic far better than I probably could’ve done:

“As a woman, I feel like I’m expected to work like I have no children, and parent like I have no job.”

And she’s exactly right. There are obviously workplace laws in existence today that protect people from discrimination and prejudice, but we all know that, unfortunately, whether done consciously or subconsciously, bias still exists... and women often get a raw deal.

I’m sure we all know someone that didn’t get a specific job, or was overlooked for a promotion, because she was either pregnant or it was public knowledge that she was trying to get pregnant. From personal experience, I know that 99% of the time, schools and creches ring the mother when a sick child needs collecting... I can’t think of a single instance over the last 3yrs when my children’s school has rung me to collect one of them when sick, even though my number is on file and I’m the one’s that’s usually nearby and contactable. And then there’s the issue of childcare... crazy as it sounds, many households can’t afford for both parents to work full-time due to the cost of childcare, which usually results in the mother having to sacrifice her professional goals to stay at home and mind the child(ren).

 Another example stems from something my mother-in-law frequently says. I’ve always had a love of food and cooking, so it makes sense that I take on most of the cooking duties, as well as doing all of the food shopping. My wife is an organiser and loves keeping the house clean and tidy. So we each have our own roles and managing the household is a team effort. But my mother-in-law always tells her daughter how lucky she is that she has a husband that does as much as I do around the house. This irks my wife immensely. “Why am I lucky?” she asks. “I work full-time, just like Ross does. Why wouldn’t he share the housework and parenting duties with me?”

 I guess it all comes down to changing our mindset as a society. On one hand, we’re promoting gender equality, whilst on the other, we’re holding on to old-fashioned notions of the roles men and women should play. Certainly, efforts are being made to address some of these issues and prejudices; and something that I’ve found brilliant about the Events Industry since joining ESMOS Recruitment is the number of women who are not just working in this sector, but who are thought leaders, trend setters and senior managers. Also, there are excellent organisations such as NOWIE - The Network of Women in Events CIC and Women in Exhibitions that strive to create better opportunities for women within the Events Industry through networking and empowering, and fighting for improved representation of women on panels, at awards and in the media.

But until we make childcare accessible and affordable for all, and give women the opportunity to be both a parent and a professional go-getter, we’re never going to fully eradicate the dilemma mothers face. I look at the sacrifices my wife has had to make over the last 8yrs to get ahead in her career, and I really feel for her. A woman shouldn’t have to prioritise her career over her parenting in order to gain a colleague’s respect or to avail of the same workplace opportunities. She shouldn’t have to ‘work like she has no children, and parent like she has no job.’

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