The Nuance of Expanded Consciousness and Being Human

It’s time I admit something…  I’m not an all-star at human connection. Or connection of any kind, really.

Since I can remember, making friends felt like a rushed process — a race to the finish line of: “Do you like me?” If the answer was yes, then great — we’re best friends now.  There was never a pause to ask myself: Do I like them? What are they like? What do they value?

My internal checklist looked more like:

1. Are they fun?

2. Can I forget about my life while I’m with them?

3. What’s the likelihood they’ll leave me?

This led to a lifetime of fast friendships and relationships that often crashed and burned.  Looking back, I know this stemmed from trauma. At the time, though, I was just an innocent girl trying to connect. But I probably came off as clingy, boundaryless, and a little lost in space. Listening wasn’t my strong suit.

The more dissociated I was, the better.

Eventually, I reached my thirties —   A time when I had to feel the outer pain of failed relationships to finally face the one person left in my life: myself.

I’m not here to absolve others of wrongdoing. I’m just choosing to look at my part — how I co-created certain patterns, how I attracted similar archetypes again and again, and how my behaviors may have contributed. Not from a place of blame, but with compassion.  Because after a lifetime of trauma, I see now:  I only knew how to “listen” by hyper-attuning to how others felt about me. That was my way of staying safe.

I didn’t know how to truly listen.  It wasn’t safe to.  I didn’t know how to see someone without the projections of paranoia, betrayal, and fear.

In my world, every human was a potential threat — someone who would eventually hurt me.  So I found the most fun ones. The charming ones. The people-pleasers. The ones who would stay — at least for a while — even if we had nothing real in common.

Inside, I was lonely.  Disconnected from myself.  Disconnected from the source of life.  A ghost, floating around Earth.

But then something shifted.  Around thirty, I began to reconnect with the source of life. And that led me back to myself.

Since then, I’ve been on a journey of reconnection:  Of slowing down.  Of actually listening.  Of opening.  Of learning to see others beyond conditioned beliefs and trauma filters.  Connecting with source. With self.  And now…with others.

Others are still the hardest.  And my greatest teachers.

I’ve reconciled that maybe my life’s work — for now — is to teach others how to connect with the higher intelligences of source and self.  Even while I’m still learning how to do it with humans.

Because humans talk back.  They have feelings.  They get upset.  They need boundaries.  They have free will I can’t control.  And that scares the hell out of me.

It’s one thing to reflect insights from my inner connection outward…  It’s another to apply those insights in real-time, with other people.

But I’m trying.  Because humans, like emotions, are my greatest teachers.

And as we deepen our relationship with source and self, we must not abandon the practice of human connection.  It’s not easy — especially for people like me.  People who take criticism as proof of personal failure.  People who wonder if they even belong on this planet.  People who feel like they’re meant for the stars.

Well…  Yes, we’re from the stars.  Yes, we’re expanding our consciousness.  Yes, reality is alive and intelligent.  Yes, we’re evolving new capacities — telepathy, sensing, synchronicity.  Yes, the veil is thinning.

But make no mistake — we are meant to be here.  We are supposed to experience human connection.  We are not meant to hate ourselves for the mistakes we make in friendships.  We are here to learn how to balance expanded awareness with the messiness and beauty of being human —   With relationships.  With nuance.  With emotion.

Maybe the key is simply:  Be accountable.  Stay curious.  Try to listen more than you talk.  Resist the urge to fix.  And if you see so much in yourself that you want to improve, try not to project that onto others.

Truthfully?  I don’t know the key.  As I’ve said — human connection isn’t my forte.

But I’m learning.  And I’m not giving up.

Neither should you. 

Written by: Dana Kippel

More writings & upcoming book: https://stan.store/Danakippel