The Overlooked Tricks to Becoming a Genuinely Interested (and Interesting) Person
Michael Curtis
I Teach Soft Skills That Get You Hired & Promoted – Design the UX of You – Sr. UX Designer @1800Contacts
How to be less boring by borrowing from a journalist’s toolkit.
Journalists know a thing or two about curiosity that most of us miss.
When I was younger, I assumed the people who lit up a room were just… built differently, like they were born with stories in their back pocket, a sharper take on everything, wickedly cool charisma, and a way of talking that made people want to be around them. But somewhere along the way, I realized that most of those people weren’t performing.
They were just paying attention.
They noticed things the rest of us skimmed right past.
And if that sounds like something you’d want for yourself, if you’re trying to show up in conversations with more curiosity and less autopilot, be more interested in others and interesting to others, then there’s one group of people worth studying…
Journalists.
And not just the ones anchoring the nightly news. I mean independent voices on podcasts and Substack, the YouTubers who can take a random thread of life and somehow spin it into something you feel in your chest.
Why journalists, though? Because their entire job hinges on staying curious. They know how to walk into a room, a moment, or a mess, and look for what others miss. They ask follow-up questions that crack something open. They pay attention to uncover.
They’re not interested in surface-level small talk, they’re trained to listen for tension, dig into contradictions, and find the detail that turns a word or a gesture into a full-blown story. And they do it every day. They’re not superhuman, they’ve just built habits around noticing. And if you borrow even a few of those habits, you’ll start seeing the people around you (and maybe even yourself) with more depth and wonder.
Journalists aren’t special because they talk more; they’re insanely good at what they do because they notice. And that is a skill you can pick up.
Below are a dozen ways to borrow from the mindset of a journalist, not to become one, but to live a little more awake.
1. Follow the spark, not the script.
Most conversations aren’t lacking words, they’re lacking direction. Think of it like this: you’re not trying to finish a mental checklist when talking to someone, you’re trying to find the part of the story they didn’t even realize they were telling.
Start small. In your next conversation with anyone, in a work meeting, friend catch-up, sync, whatever, pay attention to any slight shift in their voice or body language. If they suddenly light up or go quiet when mentioning something, pause. That’s the spark, the thread you want to follow. ⚡
When you catch the spark, you could say, “Hold on, tell me more about that,” or lean in and give them space to finish their thought. Ditch your mental script and trust where their story wants to go.
2. Pay attention to the pause.
Most of us rush to fill silence because it feels awkward, and we don’t like feeling that way. But when asking a meaningful question, silence is often the moment right before honesty arrives. Let it happen.
The next time you’re in a one-on-one or a tough discussion, resist the urge to jump in too fast. Ask your question and give them room. Count to five in your head if you need to. Let it breathe. Pause. ⏸️
Pauses, particularly around half a second, can significantly improve understanding, as shown in Kristina Lundholm Fors’ research on speech pauses (Production and Perception of Pauses in Speech).
That small pause invites a feeling like this: “Take your time. I’m not in a hurry to move on.” People remember that, it invokes a feeling of safety, and they usually reciprocate something more honest with you than they planned to say.
3. Ask questions that break the loop.
The default questions everyone falls back on are usually the least revealing: “How are you?” “What do you do?” “How was your weekend?” These feel easy, but don’t take a conversation anywhere.
Instead, try something like, “What’s something that surprised you this week?” or “What’s something people misunderstand about your job?” These kinds of questions permit them to step out of autopilot answers.
And if it feels too weird at first, try setting them up for it: “Hey, I’m trying to ask better questions with people, can I ask you one?” It’ll surprise you just how willing they are to go along. 👊
4. Look for the second answer.
The first answer is usually polished or coated. The response someone has given 100 times. “I’m good.” “Fine.” But people tend to reveal more when you stay curious after that first answer rolls out.
Use this method: ask a follow-up that gently nudges them out of safe territory. “What made that feel like the right move for you?” or “Was that decision hard?”
According to this report in Harvard Business Review, asking follow-up questions is a powerful way to build rapport and trust in conversations.
This tells them you’re not here for the PR version of them. You’re here for what it meant to them personally. Most people won’t go there on their own, but they’ll often follow you if you take the first step. 👟
5. Track patterns and tension.
This one requires a shift in how you listen over time, not only moment to moment. Start treating your conversations like data points. You don’t have to be obsessive, but start noticing the repeated themes.
Keep a low-pressure running note somewhere: a journal, a Google Doc, a Notes app entry. When a theme pops up more than once (e.g., burnout, insecurity, frustration, joy, misalignment), it usually means there’s something underneath it.
If you’re in a leadership role, it might be something you need to address. If you’re job hunting, it could be a pattern in what’s lighting you up (or draining you).
Patterns reveal needs. Track them. Pay attention. 👂
6. Cut the fluff and talk like a person.
If you’ve ever read an email that felt like it was written to sound impressive rather than human, you already know what I mean. Clear communication earns trust. Fancy language does not.
Before you hit send on that next email, Slack message, or LinkedIn comment, do a gut check: Would I say this out loud to someone sitting across from me? If not, rewrite it. Shorter sentences. Less jargon. 👄
These might help:
The Elements of Style by Strunk and White (The Elements of Style), a classic guide, advocates for shorter sentences and human language to earn trust.
7. Use contrast as a clue.
People constantly drop clues about what they think, but don’t always realize it. That moment when someone’s words and tone don’t quite match or when they say one thing but gesture the opposite is worth noticing, picking up on, and exploring. It’s called contrast.
Next time you catch that contrast, get curious.
You don’t need to push or pry. Something like, “Huh, that’s interesting, sounds like you’re saying one thing but feeling another. Am I reading that right?” If they say no, cool, move on. Don’t make it weird.
But if you’re right, they might finally say the thing they’ve been sitting on all day. 🖤
8. Collect ideas like story seeds.
Think of this as your library of moments, not because you’re writing a novel, but because small things grow into big insights if you hold onto them.
Keep a “story seed” note going. After any good conversation, ask yourself: What stuck with me? A quote? A strange reaction? A moment of tension? Jot it down with the date and context. After a few weeks or months, go back and read through them.
“Effective note-taking is not just for students; it’s a valuable skill for anyone looking to capture and organize ideas. By jotting down interesting moments or quotes from conversations, you create a repository of insights that can spark creativity and help you connect dots over time.” Source — Chandrasekar Aleman
Patterns will jump out. These little moments become gold when you’re trying to connect the dots in your work or life, and you’ll find opportunities to use them again and again. 🌱
9. Use curiosity to reframe the boring parts.
Everyone zones out sometimes, especially in long meetings, routine calls, or surface-level small talk. But here’s a trick: treat those moments like puzzles to unpack.
Instead of waiting for the meeting to end, ask yourself: “What’s not being said right now?” “Why do I feel tension in the room?” “What am I hearing between the lines?”
You’ll be amazed at how much more alert you feel. Over time, this turns you into the person who hears the signal through the noise. And people will start to notice. 🚦
10. Practice listening without prepping your reply.
This is one of the hardest habits to break. Most of us listen while quietly prepping what to say next. And people can feel that.
In your next conversation, try this: when someone shares something, focus entirely on staying present. Don’t nod just to nod. Nod to affirm that you’re tracking what they’re saying. Use cues like “Tell me more” or “What did you do then?”
Listening is a full-body exercise. The mind, heart, eyes, and ears get involved. This kind of listening makes people feel safe around you because you’re genuinely staying with them in their story. 📖
11. Translate numbers into meaning.
Too many professionals talk in metrics like they’re detached from real people. But people remember stories, not stats.
If you’re presenting numbers or results, take a second to ask yourself: “What does this mean for someone on the other side?” If site conversions went up, did more people get what they needed faster? If retention improved, did customers finally feel heard? Translate numbers into a human moment.
That’s what makes your insight land with impact. 💪
12. Make compliments count.
Generic praise washes over people. They nod, smile, and forget. Specific praise stays with us long after we’ve heard it.
Instead of “Great job on that presentation,” say, “I noticed how you stayed calm when others pushed back. The way you restated their point showed them you were listening. Nicely done!”
That kind of recognition builds trust, credibility, and a stronger working relationship. Over time, you become someone people feel seen by, which is rare and powerful. 💛
A few more good ones to either give or receive:
According to the experts, specific praise is more effective than general compliments because it provides clear feedback on desired behaviors.
The most interesting people are rarely the ones trying to be.
Journalists aren’t magic. They’ve just trained their attention to work differently. If you want to be the kind of person others gravitate toward, start noticing the things they don’t expect you to notice. You can do this. You can borrow some of their moves.
Pick one tip from this article. Try it today.
Not as a trick on someone. Not to impress, but to connect with them. Then pay attention to what happens. You might be surprised by how fast things start to shift. Let me know which one you try. I would love to hear how it goes.
❤️
Thanks for reading.
Are you looking to stand out and improve how others experience you? I teach soft skills that get you hired and promoted. Connect with nearly 5,000 others on my Medium page, or add me on LinkedIn, Instagram, and X.
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