Parenting Today: Presence Over Perfection

Yesterday, I tuned into a thought-provoking LinkedIn discussion hosted by Tony Fields, titled “Are We Building Our Kids’ Resilience – Or Adding to Their Pressure?” Jim Lewis, our Fundraising and Partnerships Manager at Youth Talk, joined the discussion — and both he and Tony spoke powerfully about the realities of parenting today.

As Chief Executive of Youth Talk, I speak to many parents and young people. I see first-hand the challenges young people (and parents) are growing up with — and the very real pressure that families are under. That’s why the messages shared in the discussion yesterday felt so relevant and timely.

One message stood out loud and clear: what our children need most isn’t perfection. It’s presence. They need us to be there. To listen and to not always default in to ‘fix it’ mode. In Jim’s words, "to see the world through their eyes, not our own".

Too often, we miss those fleeting moments to connect. Tony shared with us an occasion he had recently witnessed at a swimming pool - 15 out of 20 parents on their phones, heads down, as their children glance up hoping to catch their gaze. It’s such a small thing, but also everything.

This is not about blame, it’s about education. Parenting and growing up have never been harder. But we can’t expect children to regulate their own behaviours, screen time or ideals if we’re not modelling it ourselves. We can't ask them to open up emotionally if we're still clinging to outdated ideas about what strength looks like – particularly with boys and young men. Being able to talk about emotions — to be honest about how we feel and to show vulnerability — is not a weakness. It’s a quiet, powerful form of strength that young people need to see in us, and feel safe to show in themselves.

We also need to reclaim the value of boredom. When I was growing up, boredom meant finding things to do - inventing games, playing outside, knocking on a friend’s door. It was the birthplace of imagination, connection, negotiation, and independence. Today, boredom is instantly filled with a scroll, a screen, or a distraction. But unstructured, unplanned play and socialising is vital. It helps us develop socially, emotionally and creatively — and it gives our minds the space we need to grow.

Jim helpfully reminded us of a quote from author Jess Lair: “Children are not things to be moulded, but are people to be unfolded.” Parents, carers, grandparents etc obviously play a vital role in nurturing that unfolding — they can help to create the space, safety and support that allows young people to grow into who they really are. Sometimes that means stepping back from our own pressures, and simply showing up — phones down, ears open and being in the moment.

Because in the end, resilience grows not just through struggle, but through knowing someone is truly there, listening and present when it matters.