The PAUSE Model: A Framework for Interrupting Drama and Leading with Intention

The drama cycle moves fast—often faster than our awareness can catch up. A comment is made, a look is misread, a thought flickers, and a story begins to form. Emotions surge, and before we realize it, we’re caught in a loop of reaction and emotional contagion that can derail trust and productivity.

But between that first trigger and the downward spiral, there is a small, pivotal moment where transformation becomes possible: the moment of pause.

The PAUSE model is a practical framework designed to help you find and claim that moment. It’s not about fixing others or following a rigid script under pressure. Instead, PAUSE is a tool for slowing your own emotional escalation, creating mental space for reflection, and making intentional, values-based choices—especially when it matters most.

Why We Need to PAUSE: Moving Upstream from Conflict

Most communication models focus on repairing conflict after it’s already happened—how to navigate a difficult conversation or deliver tough feedback. PAUSE works upstream. It’s a preventative practice that helps us notice our own emotional activation before it hardens into a limiting narrative or spills into a counterproductive action.

This isn’t about suppressing emotion; it’s about developing a wiser, more effective relationship with it. When we learn to intervene early in our own internal process, we create the possibility of turning reactive spirals into powerful opportunities for greater awareness, connection, and constructive change.

The Five Steps of PAUSE

Each step of PAUSE is an internal intervention—a series of small, deliberate choices that fundamentally shift how we engage with ourselves and others in high-emotion moments.

P – Pause and Notice

The first and most critical act is to interrupt the momentum. The instant you feel that internal activation—a tightness in your chest, heat in your face, the powerful urge to respond instantly—pause. You aren’t trying to stop the feeling; you are simply stepping back to observe it. Notice your body language, your tone of voice, the energy in the room, and the story that is already forming inside you.

A – Acknowledge What’s Present

Silently give language to your internal experience. Simple, non-judgmental statements like, “This is anger,” or “I’m feeling dismissed right now,” validate what’s happening. By naming the emotion or thought, you create just enough distance to relate to the feeling rather than being completely consumed by it. Acknowledgment is the beginning of regaining control.

U – Uncover the Pattern, Belief, or Meaning

Reactivity is rarely just about the surface event. This is your chance to get curious and go deeper. Ask yourself: What is this really about for me? What core belief, past experience, or personal fear is being triggered here? This step helps you uncover the deeper drivers of your reaction, allowing you to see the full landscape instead of just the immediate trigger.

S – Steady and Shift

Clarity is nearly impossible when you’re in a state of high activation. The first priority is to steady yourself. Take a deliberate breath. Feel your feet on the floor. Do whatever it takes to regulate your nervous system. Only then can you effectively shift your perspective from a place of defensiveness toward a more open, resourceful, and values-aligned stance.

E – Explore Options and Take Aligned Action

With your composure restored, your choices automatically expand. You are no longer trapped by a single, reactive path. Ask yourself: What response would be grounded, not triggered? What is truly needed right now to move this situation forward constructively? Consider the options for repair, alignment, or resilience, and choose an action that reflects the leader you want to be.

A Real-World Example: Jack and Sue

Sue walked into Jack’s office, her expression tight and her voice sharp. “I can’t keep covering for her,” she said, referring to a teammate. “She’s not pulling her weight, and I’m tired of picking up the slack.”

Jack immediately felt the familiar tug to take sides and jump into problem-solving mode. His mind raced: What if Sue is right? What will this mean for the project deadline? But before speaking, he remembered to use the PAUSE model.

• P – Pause and Notice: He felt his shoulders tense and his breath quicken. He recognized his thoughts were moving too fast, pulling him toward immediate judgment. He consciously paused.
• A – Acknowledge What’s Present: Internally, he named the feeling: “I’m feeling pressured to fix this right now.” Acknowledging this created just enough space between his reaction and his response.
• U – Uncover the Pattern: Jack realized his discomfort came from an old belief that good leaders must have immediate solutions. He saw that this belief was pushing him toward hasty action, not genuine understanding.
• S – Steady and Shift: He took a slow, unnoticeable breath, relaxed his posture, and intentionally shifted his goal from solving to listening. He chose to focus on understanding Sue’s perspective without rushing to conclusions.
• E – Explore Options and Take Aligned Action: With this newfound clarity, Jack said calmly, “Sue, I hear how frustrating this is. Help me understand what’s been happening from your point of view. Then we can look at possible ways forward together.”

The tension in the room eased. Freed from the need to prove her case, Sue began to share specific examples rather than broad complaints, opening the door for a balanced, productive conversation. By using PAUSE, Jack didn't just avoid escalating the drama; he transformed the entire nature of the conversation, preserving trust and keeping the focus on collaborative problem-solving rather than blame.

Using PAUSE in Daily Life

The PAUSE model can be applied formally in a coaching session or team debrief, or informally as an internal compass in real time. You might use it when:

• A client is cycling through the same reactive narrative.
• A team meeting’s energy is amplifying tension instead of creating clarity.
• A leader (or you) is caught in a pattern of urgency, control, or assumption.
• You feel yourself being pulled into a dynamic that requires presence over performance.

The value of PAUSE lies not just in resolving a single situation, but in strengthening your emotional intelligence, narrative flexibility, and psychological safety over time. When used consistently, it becomes less of a tool and more of a leadership mindset—a way of meeting emotion without being swept away by it.

Turning Pause Into Practice

PAUSE is deceptively simple, but the real challenge is remembering to use it in the heat of the moment. You can build this crucial skill by:

• Practicing on low-stakes situations so the framework becomes familiar before you need it under pressure.
• Reflecting afterward when you notice you missed an opportunity to pause. Learning from hindsight is what strengthens foresight.
• Using physical prompts, like a sticky note with “PAUSE” on your monitor or a recurring reminder on your phone.

The more you practice, the more PAUSE becomes your default response. Over time, it will fundamentally shift your relationship with emotion from reactive to responsive, from being swept into drama to creating space for clarity, connection, and choice.

The ultimate goal isn’t to control emotion—it’s to change our relationship with it. PAUSE helps us honor what we feel while intentionally choosing how we respond, turning moments of tension into powerful opportunities for growth, trust, and transformation.

Join Us Live – September 3, 2025 @ 11 am EST

If you’d like to explore the PAUSE model in real time, please join us for a free, interactive webinar on September 3. This session will take you deeper into the concepts from my soon-to-be-released book, Detach from Drama, with live examples, practical tools, and dedicated time for your questions.

Whether you’re a leader, a coach, or simply someone ready to interrupt the patterns that drain energy and focus, this webinar will give you a clear, actionable way forward—one pause at a time.

Join us on Zoom Here!