The Power of Listening: Conversations with Heart

What does it mean to have a heart-to-heart conversation?

Let us all acknowledge that businesses have evolved over the years. In line with current industry trends to create a more positive work environment, companies are reworking their framework to help employees have more meaningful conversations.

Over the years, businesses have gradually transformed to take a more heart-centered approach to build better relationships with their staff, customers, and colleagues.

Are you aware that having conversations at the heart level involves a powerful tool? Listening is one of the most powerful ways to connect with other people, and our relationships can be significantly improved if we could learn to use the power of listening to understand one another.

Let’s explore, shall we?

How Can We Listen Better?

To begin, change the way we listen!

We live in a fast-paced world. Most of the time, we are chasing deadlines, completing chores, and rushing to finish work. In a world that is constantly on the go, how can we take the time to listen to one another?

From time to time, it’s important to ask our loved ones, “How are you, or how have you been doing? They may respond in a generic manner, “I’m fine. I’m good, but busy.” But how are they really doing?

Saying ‘I’m Busy’ is Not a Conversation.

Let’s take a moment to focus on the word ‘busy’. It is a common word to describe our life updates, a quick means to show that our schedules are booked. While there is nothing wrong with that, it does highlight a crucial aspect of our world – that we are always rushing for time until we don’t want to waste it going into details. Do you agree?

The fact that we are always rushing and feel that we have no time closes the door almost immediately to situations that may lead to a good, meaningful conversation.

Instead of answering the question “How are you?” by going into the details, we treat the question as an ‘event’ and jump straight to an ‘action’, quickly ending the conversation.

Let’s take a look at a scenario:

Scenario: A ‘busy’ conversation between mother and child

While the mother was working from her home office, her kid came up to her.

Child:     Mom, I’m having trouble with this subject. I can’t seem to score well.

Mom:     Oh, have you asked your friends to tutor you? Do you need tuition for it?

Child:     Oh, that’s not necessary. But thanks anyway, Mom.

From this conversation, we observe that there was a disconnect between the mother and her child. When the child came to her with a problem, because she was busy, the mother jumped from the ‘event’ of her kid’s struggle to immediately present it with a solution.

There was nothing wrong with her approach, but it lacked depth and ended the conversation before it had a chance to really bloom.

Because we put so much emphasis on being ‘busy’, our minds enter a default where we approach the conversation as a problem that needs to be solved. It is a rational, logical approach, but cuts off any chance for the meaningful interaction that is needed to create a heart-to-heart conversation. So, what’s the alternative?

Acknowledging Feelings and Needs

Someone who is an active and engaged listener will take a moment to explore the person’s feelings instead of jumping into action. Let us go back to the previous example and understand how the conversation may be different if the mother takes the time to understand the child’s feelings and needs.

Scenario: A heart-to-heart conversation between mother and child

Child:     Mom, I’m having trouble with this subject. I can’t seem to score well.

Mom:     (Setting aside work for a moment and making eye contact) I appreciate you sharing that with me. It sounds like you're feeling a bit stuck with your studies. Tell me more about what you're finding challenging.

Child:     The concepts are just really hard, and I feel like I'm falling behind.

Mom:     I can imagine that must be tough. It's okay to find things challenging; everyone does at some point. What specifically is causing you the most difficulty?

Child:     Well, the teacher goes really fast, and I don't get a chance to ask questions. And when I try to study, I just get confused.

Mom:     It sounds like you're feeling a bit overwhelmed with the pace, and that's completely understandable. Learning new things can be tricky, especially when you don't have the chance to ask questions. How about we work together to find a solution?

Child:     Sure, Mom. But I don't want to bother you; you're always busy with work.

Mom:     Work is important, but your education is important to me, too. I want to help, so let's figure out a plan. Maybe we can schedule some dedicated study time where I can help clarify things for you. What do you think would work best for you?

Child:     That would be great, Mom. Thank you for understanding.

Can you see and feel the difference in this new conversation?

The mother drops her work for a moment to give her full attention to her child. Having got her attention, the child expressed his frustration and opened up about the specific challenges he was facing. The mother validated the child’s feelings of frustration and offered reassurance and support by offering to work on the difficult concepts together.

In this transformed conversation, the focus is on understanding the child's feelings, expressing empathy, and offering support in a way that fosters a deeper connection between mother and child.

Setting an Intention to Listen

Similarly, in many areas of our lives where when we are conversing with someone, the conversation tends to jump quickly into action.

What if we asked them how they felt about it? 

Listen to what the other person is saying, and instead of reacting immediately, ask them how they feel about it. This may open an opportunity for deeper connection and understanding to take place.

Being able to converse and listen at a heart level can help someone in so many ways.

·       It can foster a more compassionate and productive work environment.

·       It can facilitate a resolution to an issue that goes beyond the surface level and address the root causes of the conflict.

·       A leader who communicates and listens at the heart level fosters a sense of belonging, motivates employees, and strengthens the team's commitment to shared goals.

·       A customer service executive who listens with heart can actively listen to a customer’s concern, communicate a genuine desire to help, and turn a negative experience into a positive one.

Showing genuine interest in the other person’s well-being helps them to release trapped emotions. By doing so, it builds a moment of connection with one another.  And listening plays an important part in that – not just to listen, but to actively hold space in an act to show that we care.

When we set the intention to be there for the person out of our own will, it is a pure intention. This means we do not judge what the other person has to say but be there for them as a listening ear.

Now that we know all about how listening can create meaningful conversations that lead to a more positive work environment, in the next article, we will take a look at the process of effective listening skills.

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