Present Over Perfect: Finding True Balance Through Life's Hardest Lessons

We hear endless talk about "work-life balance" in leadership circles – as if these two dimensions of our existence can be perfectly calibrated on some cosmic scale. Early in my career, I bought into this mindset, always feeling like I was shortchanging one side of the equation as I tried to build businesses while maintaining meaningful personal relationships and important time with my family.

What I've learned through both triumph and tragedy is that balance isn't about perfect equilibrium – it's about being fully present wherever you are and living without regrets.

Life Changes on a Dime

Nothing teaches perspective like loss. Throughout my journey, I've experienced profound tragedies that fundamentally changed how I eventually came to view time and presence. These painful moments delivered a truth that no business book or leadership seminar ever could: you will never get back yesterday.

When you experience the sudden loss of someone you deeply love, as I did with the passing of my beloved wife at just 31 years old, the fleeting and fragile nature of our time on this earth becomes painfully real. In those moments, the things that often consume us—like the report stealing your Sunday afternoon, the conference call causing you to miss the soccer game, or the emails, texts, and phone calls distracting you during family dinner—take on an entirely different perspective through the lens of irreversible loss. And yet, even with such a profound wake-up call, we may still struggle to fully grasp what truly matters.

Quality Over Quantity

One of the most liberating realizations in my journey toward better balance was understanding that presence matters more than perfect attendance. It's not always about the quantity of time you spend with those you love – it's about the quality of attention you bring to those moments. Admittedly, it took me a while to come close to getting this right as I transitioned from being consumed by occupation (external tasks) and preoccupation (internal thoughts) to setting both aside and fully embracing the present moment.

In our hyperconnected era, being physically present while mentally absent has become all too common. We sit at dinner tables with our bodies, but our minds are lost in endless scrolling, preoccupied with trivial or inconsequential thoughts. We attend events, yet our attention drifts to tomorrow’s meetings, the challenges of building a business, or simply performing well at work. The distractions of the present often fuel worries about the future, pulling our minds and hearts away from the here and now. This divided attention may well be the greatest thief of meaningful connection.True presence requires putting down the phone, looking people in the eye, listening deeply, and being fully engaged in the moment. It means recognizing that the person sitting across from you deserves your undivided attention – because you may not get another opportunity to be with them.

The Testimony That Matters

Despite building multiple businesses and maintaining demanding travel schedules throughout my career, I believe my children would tell you I've been present for them; —though I now know I could have done better. I wasn’t always physically present; I couldn’t make it to every game or performance. When my schedule allowed me the luxury of being there, I was elated. Yet, even in those moments, my physical presence was sometimes overshadowed by occupation or preoccupation with things that, in hindsight, weren’t truly necessary or important enough to steal my attention from the present. While I was there in body, there were times when my mind was elsewhere—moments of distraction and preoccupation that I deeply regret. Still, in the times when I was fully present, I was truly there, and those moments are what I cherish most.

We've all experienced moments in life where we could have been more fully present. This isn't about striving for perfection as a parent or partner; rather, it's about making conscious choices that reflect your core values. It’s about consciously recognizing those moments where we need to be present. It's about ensuring that the people who matter most to you feel seen, heard, and valued when you're with them. 

Finding Integration, Not Just Balance

One of the most effective strategies I've discovered is finding ways to blend, rather than separate, different aspects of life. By including your loved ones in parts of your professional journey, you create powerful opportunities for connection and mutual understanding. When sharing your experiences, use them as a springboard to explore their world. For example, after explaining a work project, you might ask, "Have you ever had to work on a big project at school? How did you manage it?" This approach allows you to create two-way teachable moments, where you share life lessons from your experiences and encourage them to do the same. Relate your challenges to their world by asking questions like, "Have you ever had trouble getting along with someone in your class? How did you handle it?" Show genuine interest in their experiences by asking about their feelings or strategies in similar situations. By consistently asking questions and involving them in your problem-solving, you not only create connections between your worlds but also deepen your understanding of what they're going through, fostering mutual growth, empathy, and stronger relationships.

It's worth noting that kids often possess a delightful innocence and hilariously unique perspective on dealing with things. I've frequently found myself amused by my children's suggestions or the stories they launch into about how they've handled situations. I remember a time when our daughter was 5 (she's 22 now), and we passed a Mothers Against Drunk Driving display outside a liquor store. It featured a terribly mangled car with a big sign that read "Don't Drink and Drive." As we sat at the traffic light, I read the sign aloud and explained, "this is why people should not drink and drive, sweetie." Without missing a beat, my dear sweet daughter replied, "they probably didn't have a sippy cup, which is how that happened!" I couldn't help but chuckle, reveling in the innocence of my little girl and realizing it wasn't yet time for such an adult lesson. Sometimes, it's best to let them bask in the beautiful simplicity of being five years old. And sometimes, it's important just to let them lead while we listen to their unique perspective on life. Which is why being present enables us to just listen, enjoy, and in this case, soak up the innocence and joy of being a kid!

Whether it's bringing family to certain business events, sharing the challenges and victories of your work in age-appropriate ways, or simply letting your children see how you approach problem-solving in professional contexts – these moments of integration provide a fuller picture of who you are while creating shared experiences.

Whether it's your kids, spouse, brother or sister, parent, or close friend, simply listening to your loved ones by being present and understanding how they perceive things in their world, in their situations, can be a great way to connect. By doing so, you open yourself up to understanding their experiences more deeply and fostering a sense of unity and understanding that strengthens your bond with them.

Living Without Regrets: Lessons in Presence and Growth

Yes, I have some regrets. If I could go back, I would do things differently—be more present and less occupied or preoccupied. But that’s not how life works. We can’t live a life consumed by regret because it traps us in the past and blinds us to the possibilities of the future. Instead, I’ve come to believe that life is about learning from our experiences, adjusting, and recovering. It’s about recognizing that we will make mistakes, face hard lessons, and sometimes fall short of our own expectations. What matters most is how we grow from those moments and use them to create positive, incremental change.  

I always tell my kids—and anyone willing to listen—that life is a series of lessons. If we humble ourselves enough to acknowledge our failures, we can gain the insight needed to learn from them and move forward with purpose. It’s not about achieving perfection; it’s about progress and presence.  

The framework that has served me best isn’t about striving for perfect balance—it’s about living without regrets and being intentional with the time you do have. I’ve learned firsthand that perfect balance is an impossible ideal, especially when faced with tough questions like, “Why does Dad have to leave again?” or “Why can’t Dad be at my game?” The reality of life when you’re young and building a career is that you often have to choose between time and money. Providing for a growing family sometimes means missing games, recitals, or open houses, no matter how much you wish you could be there.  

But what I came to realize is that while I couldn’t control everything, I could control how I spent my time when I was home. It meant making intentional choices—being fully present with the people who matter most and cherishing every moment together. Because at the end of the day, tomorrow is promised to no one. What truly counts is how we choose to show up today.  And while I know I could have done better in the past, those experiences have made me better in the present, which is truly a blessing for me and my loved ones.