Question your listeners, don’t try to “read” them

Many presenters believe that it is important to ‘read’ an audience in order to present well. They make this request:  “Can you teach me how to read my audience so that I know what they are thinking.” 

According to a lot of research that has been done on this topic, and contrary to what many people believe,  people are not good at reading others. In fact, we are not good at even knowing if someone is lying. If you think I am wrong, take a look at the book Mindwise by Nicholas Epley. The subtitle is, “Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want.

Mr. Epley draws from a famous author’s work in order to illustrate the immensity of the problem. Here’s a quote from Mindwise: “The only true voyage of discovery, the only fountain of Eternal Youth, would be not to visit strange lands but to possess other eyes, to behold the universe through the eyes of another.” Marcel Proust (1922).

Well, since you cannot be in the eyes of another, nor accurately assume you know what the person is thinking, you might want to get really good at asking questions. You will at least then hear what the other person is willing to say about what they are thinking. So my response to those who ask to be taught how to ‘read’ others is simply to become a very skillful questioner - just with a few guidelines. First, you should know there are ‘closed’ and ‘open’ questions. As you read about them, consider what you usually ask.  Sometimes I find myself (because of my insatiable curiosity) asking too many closed questions and the person feels interrogated and defensive. What about you?

CLOSED QUESTIONS:  What are ‘closed’ questions? A closed question looks for a yes or no type of answer. Or maybe it is a multiple-choice question and the listener has to choose only one answer.

Closed questions take less time to answer. They get you quick answers and sometimes are useful.  For example, they can encourage group participation.  The following is a very innocuous closed question: “Are you all happy to be here at this conference in this gorgeous hotel?”

Here are some examples of closed questions to ask your listeners.   

1. Do you want more details now on this topic? (Rather than trying to “read” if your audience wants you to continue on a certain point.)
2. Do you want more information before we discuss the decision we have to make? (Rather than wonder if people are ready to make a decision.)
3. Did you get a chance to read the article I sent?
4. Do you want me to stop now as the time is up?
5. “I will talk for fifteen minutes and then we can make some decisions. Can everyone stay for this time?”

OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS: They cannot be answered by a yes or no. They do not restrict or appear to channel the person to respond in a certain way.  People can respond in the manner they wish. This can also reduce more than one-word answers to a question.

Because open-ended questions let people express themselves and go in the direction that interests them, this can help you, the presenter, to understand the other person’s point of view. Simple open-ended questions, not leading in a direction, might be:

1. What else do you want to know before we decide to make a decision?
2. From your perspective, how do you see this situation I just described?
3. What are your thoughts?

NOW LET’S GET MORE ORGANIZED WITH THE QUESTIONS

I have listened to many business presentations and I would say most presenters just ask: “Are there any questions?” This is open-ended but may get no responses or responses that are not helpful. If you have been asking this question, you may want to practice asking agreement questions, disagreement questions, or focused open-ended questions.

AGREEMENT QUESTIONS-BOTH CLOSED AND OPEN

Agreement Questions lead the listeners to think about talking from an agreement perspective.

CLOSED: Closed agreement questions might be, “ The event was a success, wasn’t it?” or “You are happy with your work, right?” or “You agree with me, don’t you?” or “I just gave you all the reasons why I am right, don’t you agree?” or “In order to agree, who else needs to talk about this decision?”

OPEN: These questions invite a longer answer than one word. They direct the listener to a particular topic in which to give an answer.

1. What critical information is missing that will help you say yes to this?
2. What would you add or change so you can agree with this recommendation?
3. We have agreed on these three points about where to go on vacation. They are… Now, what else do we have to agree about before we pick a place?
4. What might be some of the benefits of hiring this vendor? 

DISAGREEMENT QUESTIONS BOTH CLOSED AND OPEN

Disagreement Questions put the focus on what will go wrong. It asks people to think negatively in order to take out a positive bias the person might have.

CLOSED: Closed agreement questions can set up the person to have to disagree. When you know the person has a different opinion, you state the opposite. “You and I agree that there is no such thing as climate change, right?”  or “The event happened the way I described it, isn’t that so?” Trial lawyers occasionally talk this way so the person answering the question has to say no in order to have the person articulate the basis for a point of view which later can be dissected. Have you ever been satisfied with an event, talk or something you ate and someone said: “That was really awful, right?”  Your reaction would most likely be defensive, but depending upon the circumstances, you might want to soften your disagreement and find areas of agreement so that there is common ground for discussion.  For example, you could respond: “Well, there were parts that were good.” 

OPEN: These are getting people to say what they may be thinking but have not had permission to say out loud.

1. Will you share where you disagree with this and why? (Logic? Assumptions?)
2. Will you be the “devil’s advocate” and oppose this?
3. What will make this fail?
4. What concerns do you have about this project?

OK, you now know how to more easily encourage your listeners to tell you what they agree or disagree with about what you are saying. The next step is to give them free rein to say whatever they want (within bounds!)

Full Open-Ended Questions are asked in such a way as the listener can decide how to answer—either positively or negatively. When you want to use an open-ended question, start with how, why, and what do you think about, please explain, and tell me about… One caveat about open-ended questions. Asking them when you have lots of “talkers” in the audience could derail your presentation timeline. You might want to add a limit like: “Would you mind telling us your thoughts – talking only a couple minutes, so everyone who wants has an opportunity to speak?”

1. What are your thoughts on the timeframe for getting this done?   
2. What risks/challenges/benefits do you see? (Listener picks which one they answer.)
3. How might we regret or be happy about this decision in six months? One year? Five years?
4. What are your thoughts about what some people might say who are not attending this meeting today?

YOUR NEXT STEPS

First, create questions. So how can you really use this information? You probably have to write down your questions. For your next presentation identify 3 to 5 questions you can ask your listeners. Here are your categories to use for creating your questions.

Second, decide how to ask them. Consider first if you will ask the question to the whole group. Or if online put people in break-out rooms to talk or if in person have them talk to the person sitting next to them.

Third, decide if you show the questions.

1. Which questions can you put in your PowerPoint so your audience can read them?
2. Which questions can you write down somewhere so you can see to ask them?

Engage your audience by asking questions in a way as they know you want to hear what they are really thinking.

BONUS: Let’s not forget about Rhetorical Questions which mostly encourage your audience to think about your topic. They are also used for emphasis and to create a dramatic effect. They are also used to get a yes from the listener. Let’s say you go buy a car. After you say what you want, the salesperson might say: “You want a touchtone screen, right? You want flat-run tires, right? You want a sunroof, right?” These questions are framed in such a way as to get a “yes” from the listener. Getting a series of yesses from your audience can help establish a positive rapport. You might have bad news but if you start with all the things that are going well, you have established a series of yesses with your listeners. This makes the bad news less unsettling. Another way that this is used is in negotiation strategy. One can start by stating all the points of agreement which then minimizes the area of contention and tends to minimize the distance between the negotiators.  

Now it’s up to you. Question your listeners, rather than trying to read them.

Want your own presentation coach to get your audience feedback and specifically advise you on how to get better? TorchMetrics is an innovative online survey and coaching system that enhances and transforms presenter effectiveness and audience engagement. Our system sends audience members post-presentation questionnaires to evaluate the presentation, tabulates and prioritizes the results, and provides relevant action steps for improvement. Feel free to direct message me here or check out TorchMetrics!