Respectful disrespect: How to build great teams by respecting people and disrespecting hierarchy

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. The CEO had just said some real nonsense. Alternative facts, if you know what I mean. There were seven of us in the small conference room but no one had the guts to correct him. I looked at the President, the CFO, the CMO, the CIO and the CTO, but no one opened their mouths.

The decision he was about to make was very important. It was worth tens of millions of dollars and many jobs. If only the CEO knew the facts, I thought ... But no one said anything. I looked at my boss who was trying to hide behind his computer pretending he wasn’t there.

I clear my throat and said, "Mr. CEO, allow me to provide you with the facts... ". Let’s say what came after that didn’t make it to my career’s Top 10 list of proudest moments. The beating must have taken no more than two minutes, but it felt like two days. Public, to make sure that it would never ever happen again with me or anyone in the room.

The meeting ended the worst possible decision because people chose to say nothing. I left feeling I did the right thing despite the bruises and my sore ego.

No one in that room needed a job. They were all very successful and wealthy. Without exception, they have made lots of money in their careers. Without exception, they were very afraid of losing their jobs.

When the meeting was over and the CEO happily left the room knowing he had answers to all the questions in the world, I asked two of the "C-some-big-title" who were still in the room: "You knew he is wrong! Why didn’t you say something?" The shameless answer was "he doesn’t like to be corrected."

Lesson learned.

Freedom of expression at work is one of the main characteristics of high-performance organizations. It is not by chance that this attribute appears in all engagement surveys. Employees who can express themselves are the ones who care the most about their companies. The ones who still want to find the right answers. Don’t ask me about the ones that prefer to shut up.

What I've learned from my good and bad bosses, I try to apply in my day-to-day life with five simple rules.

"Respect people".

Being able to speak your mind is not a free pass to criticize your colleagues and bosses. Instead, an opportunity to debate ideas and decisions. In sports, it is common for coaches to teach kids to “play the ball, not the player”. The rule applies to offices. Don’t waste time debating people. It’s simply not worth it.

"Disrespect the hierarchy".

In my view, disrespecting hierarchy is the main reason to drive engagement and creating a culture of open debates. Every criticism is welcome. Anyone can say whatever he or she thinks at any time. The manager has no commitment to agree or accept, but has an obligation to listen.

"Do not criticize for the sake of criticizing."

Managers don’t have the patience to deal with people that only complain. If you think something is wrong, come up with a better solution. See the collective problem as your own and try to solve it. All managers want someone like that in their teams.

"Celebrate and promote the right behaviors."

Assembling a team like that isn’t easy. There will always be a skeptic one who prefers to speak behind your back. But it's worth insisting. When the manager encourages the right behaviors and sets the example, the team will be motivated to do the same.

"Change begins at the top."

The first amendment of the American constitution and most constitutions in the free world guarantee the freedom of speech. But in your office, there is a fine print that reads, “assuming your boss agrees with that”. The best leaders I worked with encouraged me to openly criticize both their ideas and their decisions. Even in public. They didn’t have to know all the answers and had no issues in asking for help.

"Respectful disrespect" is the fastest way to build great teams. If you are a leader, you should try. If you do not like my story, feel free to criticize me. I'm listening.

PS: Original version in Portuguese published in Meio & Mensagem (http://www.meioemensagem.com.br/home/opiniao/2017/07/18/respeite-as-pessoas-mas-desrespeite-a-hierarquia.html

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