A Retirement Journal: What's in a name?

Recently I made a new friend at church. He reached out his hand with a smile and introduced himself with what I heard to be something like, “so-RAB”. “Jake,” I extended my hand while asking him to spell his name. After hearing his reply and noting my new friend appeared South Asian, I said, “You mean Sau-rab?” Beaming, Sourab Bhatta noted that is how people in Nepal pronounce his name and I was welcome to do the same. (BTW, young Mr. Bhatta, as he notes in his LinkedIn Post, is a talented Program Manager and Test Engineer. He is looking to get back into the workforce after taking time out early in his career to welcome the arrival of the family’s first child.) I start this post talking about my new friend’s name because over my lifetime I have witnessed the evolution of how South Asian transplants as well as locals pronounce South Asian names in America. When I first moved here as a teenager in the 1960s, there were very few of us. Most of our names were tongue twisters for Americans. Hence, Vikram became Vik, Anand became ah-NAND, and Nimarata Randhawa is now Nikki Haley! Heck, even my daughter Elena Chacko Kennedy was given her non-Indian name that the family pronounced E-leen-a. Over high school and college she became e-LAIN-a. My daughter still lets family pronounce her name same as we always did!

Now however, with so many of us in the United States, Americans are getting very good at South Asian names. Those of us from the sub-continent have no fear, especially in places like the Bay Area, of others mangling names like Sundar Pichai or Pradeep Jotwani . Vice President Kamala Harris’ name is a unique case, especially after she became the Democratic Presidential candidate.  As her great-nieces demonstrated at the convention, she pronounces it Comma-la. Most Indians would have said kuh-mah-la. That is how I refer to my brother Tom’s mother-in-law—Kuh-ma-la Auntie. In fact, per a video sent by my friend Muni Madhdhipatla who is from the same state in India as Kamala Harris’ late mother, VP Harris’ aunts (Chitthis) pronounce Kamala the way I would. However, as a sign of respect, non-family should pronounce Ms. Harris’ name the way she prefers it. This is just common courtesy. The other presidential candidate, former President Trump refuses to do so. He refers to Ms. Harris as Ko-MAH-la.

One of early 20th century motivational guru Dale Carnegie’s principles was to stress to us that the sound of a person’s name is honey to that individual.  Therefore, saying a person’s name correctly and often is part of Dale Carnegie’s toolkit to make friends and influence people. I agree with this and most of Carnegie’s priniciples. In a Linked-In post, Karen Sommerville notes, “When I first heard this (Carnegie’s) phrase, I felt it was one of the most valuable pieces of advice I was given. Recently, I was reminded of it when a customer suggested we go out for a quick coffee. Initially, I assumed we would go to the nearest coffee shop; however, we walked by two in order to get to the one my customer preferred. I soon realised why. The staff greeted her by name and as they handed us the coffee I noticed they had written her name on our cups. I mentioned this to my client and she said this was why she chose this café above others. This little touch made us feel very special indeed.”

I am glad most of the world is getting used to the pronunciation of South Asian names. My early childhood in Calcutta in the immediate aftermath of the British Raj highlights what might have happened if the shoe were on the other foot. We were “forced” to study English History. Indians speak English with different “Indian-English” accents depending on the region of the country. I still recollect a North Indian classmate derisively chiding a South Indian classmate about Edward VI. “Yar- when will you learn? It’s pronounced edVARD, not YED-word!”  My late father had done graduate work in the U.S. before returning here years later with his family in the 60s. My dad did not have a pronounced Indian-English accent. Yet some words and names tripped him up. I remember him telling me in the late 1970s to watch the rising young NYC real estate tycoon named doNALD Trump! My father was prone to moralizing and told me that Trump’s ethics weren’t anything to be emulated. The ethics comment went over my head at the time but I did embarrassedly always try to correct my dad’s pronunciation of MAAC -doNALDs fast food joints and do-NALD Trump!

What do YOU think of a name and how it is pronounced?

Jake