Safety Requires Repair, Not Exile

We can't cancel our way into safety.. But many people - and organizations- are still trying.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how we respond to harm in the world and in the workplace - and specifically, the blurry lines between accountability, shame, 'canceling,' humility, and responsiveness. When call-outs become shut-downs, what work are we actually advancing in terms of making the world - and the world of work - a safer, better place?

What Are We Even Talking About?

If you've been here for a while, you know I’m a big fan of definitions. Not because I want to be condescending, but because clarity creates kindness. Words like cancel, accountability, and safety get tossed around casually, but when we’re not aligned on what they mean, miscommunication and mistrust spread fast.

So, let’s level-set:

• Cancel — to withdraw one's support for (someone, such as a public figure or company), often publicly and especially on social media

• Cancel Culture — the practice or tendency of engaging in mass canceling as a form of disapproval or social pressure

• Accountability — an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions

On the surface, some of these concepts may sound similar. But they lead to very different outcomes when applied inside workplaces and communities.

We need to reimagine how we navigate harm at work—not through public punishment, but through repair, humility, and shared power.

Accountability Is Not the Same as Cancellation

At its best, accountability is a form of care. It’s about creating space for reflection, repair, and change. But cancellation often bypasses all of that - it jumps straight from harm to exile.

Where accountability says:

“This impacted me. Let’s talk about it.” Cancellation says: “You’re done here.”

And that binary, either you're good or you're gone, creates a chilling effect, especially in environments where psychological safety is already fragile. People stop asking questions. They avoid hard conversations. They keep quiet, not because they're disengaged, but because they're afraid.

It’s important to acknowledge that cancel culture didn’t emerge in a vacuum. For many, especially in marginalized communities, calling out harm publicly felt like the only option after years of being ignored or dismissed through formal channels. This is especially true when there are significant imbalances of power.

The Impact on Psychological Safety

When fear takes hold, growth shuts down.

From a trauma-informed lens, psychological safety is the belief that you won’t be punished or humiliated for being vulnerable, asking for help, or making mistakes. It's not soft—it’s essential.

But cancel culture teaches the opposite. It conditions people to:

• Perform rather than participate

• Stay silent rather than take a risk

• Distance rather than digging in

And this doesn’t just show up on social media. It seeps into our team meetings, our community boards, our group texts, our leadership retreats, and even here on LinkedIn.

The result? A workplace - or community- where people are performing safety, not living it.

Communities Are Feeling It, Too

This isn’t just a workplace issue. It’s showing up in all sorts of communities and organizations - advocacy movements, schools, and neighborhoods, etc..

You’ve likely seen it:

• A community member makes a misstep and is excluded instead of having the opportunity to learn and do better.

• A long-time volunteer is dropped overnight with no path for repair.

• A conflict turns into a silent unfollow or quiet exile.

We’ve mistaken boundaries for burning bridges.

We’ve mistaken aggression for accountability.

We’ve mistaken conformity for belonging.

And in doing so, we’ve lost one of the most vital ingredients of resilience: the ability to stay in hard conversations together.

So What Do We Do Instead?

We need to shift from a call-out culture to a call-in culture. That doesn't mean tolerating harm or ignoring impact. It means:

• Making space for repair instead of exile

• Leading with questions before conclusions

• Practicing humility - our own and others’

Here’s what that might look like in real time:

If we want brave cultures, we have to build repair pathways, not just rules. And that starts with curiosity, compassion, and courage.

Leaders, in particular, must model this shift. Repair pathways don’t work without power sharing. If we’re serious about resilience, psychological safety, and trauma-informed cultures, then accountability must be practiced vertically, not just laterally

It's also important that we consider the intersection of identities and harm when we look at this. Focusing on accountability and repair should not default to those experiencing or those the harm is directed at, either in the present or historically. We cannot let the need for repair to become another route for harm- and yes, I know this is a delicate line to tread, but it's worth trying.

Now, I will, of course, acknowledge that there are people and organizations that refuse to take accountability or 'be called in' so to speak. So sometimes we have to remove ourselves and others from that harm, or hold others accountable when they refuse to do so on their own.  This is a nuanced and confusing thing to navigate- my best advice is to at least check in, really challenge your approach before you jump to a 'call out'. 

Final Thoughts: We All Get It Wrong Sometimes

Here’s the truth none of us wants to admit: You will get it wrong sometimes. So will I.

What defines us isn’t whether we make mistakes—it’s what happens next.

We can’t “cancel” our way into safer workplaces. We can’t “cancel” our way into just, equitable communities. We can’t “cancel” our way into connection.

Real change requires more than calling out. It requires calling in. Staying in. And doing the work together.

This is why one of the key principles of trauma-informed cultures is humility and responsiveness - humans make mistakes; they are inevitable, but choosing to be humble in our fallibility and then taking meaningful action to learn, do better, and repair harm makes all the difference. 

For those who’ve been deeply hurt, especially in spaces where speaking up has felt dangerous or costly, I want to be clear: this isn’t a call to silence. It’s a call to respond with depth, care, and a longer arc of change.

Safety doesn’t come from silence or exile. It comes from shared power, humility, and the willingness to stay in the hard conversations.

Share this with a colleague or leader who’s rethinking how their team handles harm, conflict, or mistakes. These conversations are hard, but they’re worth having.

In Case You Missed It

The Wounded Workforce® officially has two new certifications coming in August! Check them out and pre-order them now for an exclusive discount! Learn More and Register Here.

On my mission to make work more trauma-informed, I've also been working with the Wounded Workforce team to drop some free resources. Below are a few to check out if you haven't already. And if you want to have first access to upcoming resources, make sure and subscribe here. (Don't worry, I never share or sell your info- that doesn't fell very trauma informed).

• Trauma Inform Your Mid Year Reviews Resources & Checklist

• Take Time for Yourself: Self-Care Workbook

• How Trauma Informed is Your Workplace? Interactive Checklist

• Trauma Inform Your Hiring Process Resources & Checklist

On My Radar

The very first official Informed Book Club event is next week!! Join Kate Johnson, CPTD and I to talk about Why Workplace Wellbeing Matters by Jan-Emmanuel De Neve & George Ward. Join us for free - whether you've finished the book or not! (But I highly recommend picking it up. Register for the event here- https://www.linkedin.com/events/informedbookbookclubmeeting7353192946239787008/

Hispanic Heritage Month is quickly approaching, and one of my favorite people is an incredible resource for you and your teams! If you aren't following daniela (dani) herrera - first of all- get on that! And next, make sure to check out her offerings for Hispanic Heritage Month - https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielagherrera/overlay/1753222346961/single-media-viewer?type=DOCUMENT&profileId=ACoAAADZPX0BJd-gP4UbigAaZMsTirxykAnFbdI&lipi=urn%3Ali%3Apage%3Ad_flagship3_profile_view_base%3Bv%2FxOnqF%2FQRC0eB8Z8QipWA%3D%3D

Katie Kurtz has been doing amazing work in creating a more trauma informed world for years, so I am so excited to check out her new offering, TRUST Works™.

TRUST stands for: Trauma-informed Relational Upskilling & Systems Transformation  TRUST Works™ is a comprehensive approach to building trust from the inside out, through trauma-informed strategies, relational skill-building, and systems-level transformation. The three-part training system guides you through the personal, relational, and applied dimensions of building high trust -transforming how we lead, connect, and create sustainable change. 

Make sure and check out this great work and sign up for exclusive Beta access here!