A sentimental attachment to work

I woke up at 5am this morning because I had an epiphany. I was ready to work again. Some of you know that I’ve had a mental health break for a few months now.

A few months ago, I resigned from all of my work projects, I separated from my husband (soon divorced), moved houses, got less time with my kids, stopped taking my anti-depressants… my whole world just turned upside down. It was all a conscious decision from my side. Since a few weeks back I have tried to solely focus on myself and being proud of what I produce.

I miss being creative, I miss seeing how my value increases in figures, I miss seeing monthly revenues shoot through the roof because of what my team has achieved together. This morning I finally felt eager to get back into the game, and the idea of working no longer gave me the stress it used to.

So while I was still lying in bed at 5am this morning, I decided to start listen to the iGaming Next podcast. I’ve never tuned in to the podcast before and my idea was to spend the whole day listening from the first episode to the last, mostly to get an insight on what’s been going on since I mentally checked out from the industry in March 2020 (and since I exited physically when I resigned from everything in December 2020).

I only got to the 4th podcast episode, when it was finally time for Robin Reed to be interviewed by Pierre. I already knew this episode would become personal for me, having worked with Robin at GiG for many years, but it took me 10 minutes into the episode before I was weeping like a baby and had to lock myself in the bedroom to avoid my family seeing my uncontrollable sobbing.

I couldn’t stop crying throughout Robin’s whole talk about GiG in the podcast episode. I’ve known Robin for many years, but most recent years it has only been a private friendship as we are neighbors, and his girlfriend is my best friend. When I worked at GiG, I’d mostly encounter Robin in conference calls or in the hallways as I was a small executive and he was the founder and CEO at the time. After we and many others had to leave GiG for different reasons, none of us have ever spoken about what happened during those last years. Me and Robin never did either, or still haven’t until this day.

We had some really good years at GiG. I thought GiG would be equivalent to Amazon, Apple and Tesla but in an iGaming kind of sense… I know it was naive, but I personally believed in this to the core of my bones because we had such a talented team. I saved my GiG merchandise in mint-condition because I thought they’d be worth something someday 🤣 Having Steve Wozniak talk at one of our GiG conferences in Malta definitely hyped me and many others up.

Listening to Robin this morning in the podcast was like re-opening a wound I didn’t think I still had. He was talking about my old memories at GiG in the episode. He was talking about the people I used to sit next to or speak with on a daily basis. Robin talked about the projects we have shared – but from his own perspective, a perspective I’ve never known until now but… when he talked about the early days, and then our ending in 2018/2019… it was like I was time traveling for a few moments as I was listening to the podcast.

In 2013 I decided to leave Betssongroup’s Customer Support department in order to follow and learn more from some of my inspiring peers who decided to start Betitgroup (that later would be acquired by GiG). During my 6 years at the company, I was tasked to start the customer support department, the VIP department, and later on what would be the B2B CRM managed services. I was part of market expansions, product innovation and the roller-coaster of regulatory changes. I’ll forever be grateful for those opportunities as they gave me more experience than I could ever have received from 6 years of education.

GiG’s B2B model really hit it off with the Hard Rock-project in New Jersey in 2018, and I’ll always be proud and honored to have been part of that. By that time, the company revenue was around €150 million, and having the most experienced team in the industry, GiG decided to expand their verticals even more.

And what happened next to GiG in 2019, is history. That year was probably the worst in my life, even worse than 2020. Similar to Robin, GiG had become my baby and it was really difficult having my work taken away from me. GiG was my baby even before I had my daughters. I had worked there longer than I had known my husband at the time. GiG was my entire world. No, I wasn’t part of the founding members, I had no shares, I didn’t even know Robin at the time or anything invested in GiG but my blood, sweat and tears… yet I still viewed GiG as my own and I really wanted it to succeed. I still do so, to this day, even if I’m not part of the company.

But as Robin was talking in the podcast about 2019, I couldn’t stop thinking about the day after I had turned in my computer and keys back to GiG. That particular day I drove out close to the edge of a cliff with my car, then I just screamed and cried for hours (on a funny note: someone actually drove by and worriedly knocked on the window because they thought I was being attacked 🤣🙈). I mourned a company that was never mine. I can’t even imagine what Robin went through in 2019, being the founder of GiG.

Anyway, my point is that the company had more of an emotional effect on me than any of my ex-boyfriends or ex-friends or ex-family. I was so emotionally invested in the company, that I thought my career, my life, was over. I had no separation between business and private life.

Listening to the podcast with Robin today, reminded me why I then started my own freelance company in 2019 after leaving GiG. And why I will never go back to being an employee again - work is simply too personal to me and always will be. I’m still trying to find my own perfect work/life balance, but I’ve come to the realization that no one will ever value my time as much as I. Maybe I’ve been stupid previously, not realizing that until I was forced to.

I don’t regret anything though, and I wouldn’t change a single moment from my past. I wouldn’t have been where I am today if it wasn’t for GiG. They introduced me to my wide network, they trusted me with amazing projects from a young age and supported me throughout my maternities. I’ll always cherish those early years as the best days of my life.

Similar to Robin (and I think everyone who’s left GiG in the last few years), my goal now is just to re-start my creativity and do what I love. I truly believe everything happens for a reason and having to leave GiG was the push I needed to stand on my own two feet. I’ve learned from my mistakes, there is no victim-blaming and I’m taking responsibility for all the choices that led me here.

I’ve hit my stress limit several times over the last few years, but this time I’m slowing down and 2021 will mostly be about personal development for me.

My self-employed vendor license in New Jersey is valid for another 3 years (which I’m very grateful to have acquired last year with help from Hard Rock, who continued to believe in me), so I’m planning to come back to the market stronger in 1 years’ time with more experience, more knowledge, and more drive.

Thank you to Robin and GiG, for shaping my career into what it is today. I wouldn’t have changed a single thing from the past and I wish you all the best in the future.