Simple Lessons for Tangled Relationships

Monday, 5:30 PM, I was at Delhi Airport. My flight to Bangalore was scheduled to depart at night. I reached early to avoid heavy evening traffic and last minute hurry. I quickly completed check-in formalities and walked towards the food court with my blue colored Wildcraft backpack.

Though my travel is extremely limited each year, whenever I do, I follow a two-point program every time I find myself at the airport:

- Drink a large cup of strong Coffee to get high on caffeine

- Pick up an interesting Book for the journey

A lethal combination to lubricate mind in a buzzing environment.

I stood up in the queue at the coffee shop and waited for my turn. With nothing much to do besides imagining a cup of hot coffee, I scanned through the menu card and realized they have a new drink - Tea Latte! My inquisitive nature took a toll on my senses, desperately waiting for a high caffeine dose, and I placed an order.

The first sip of Tea Latte and my taste buds screamed - what Latte, It is just a Masala Tea! You deprived us of Caffeine today; you broke the ritual! I was guilty.

I walked towards the bookstore sipping tea from the cup and promised my hands that at least they would not be robbed of a good book, today. Just outside the bookstore my gaze went to a quote on a sign board placed at the corner.

"All relationships go through Hell, real ones get through it."

It struck like a thunderbolt and spurred me to contemplate the depth of my own reciprocation to the most valuable and cherished relationships, weaved in and around my life. I stood there absorbing the magnitude of those words. It gave birth to a thought that later nagged me throughout my flight - If I were to assess my own performance on a relationship barometer, what would be my score out of 100?

I walked into the bookstore with an unfamiliar feeling and ambled around scanning the titles. Something strange happened, a young couple got into an unpleasant discussion over the timing of their flight, and their arguments were loud enough to be heard by many. I wondered if this relationship entered the hell a bit earlier than destined.

An hour later, I was in the lobby, skimming through, "How to Hug a Porcupine" - by Debbie Joffe Ellis. It did not surprise me that a book on relationship effortlessly slipped into my hands. I believed this is where the subconscious mind played its part sneaking in and guiding gray cells. 

I finished chewing the book just before the boarding announcement. It summoned mixed feelings inside me; the relationship thing began to ride my thoughts firmly, while I reflected on a shaded aspect - How do we measure if we gave 100% to a relation? Is there a barometer or a scale to quantify it or it is a function of something else.

After the take-off, I switched on the reading lights and referred back to the book, glancing through the chapters that resonated well with my thoughts and pushed me to introspect on the broken relationships of my life. I opened the Jotter Pad and wrote the three lessons these chapters offered.

a. Abandon the Useless Ambition to be Right: No one is right all the time. In fact, most of us are not right much of the time. Insisting on our own perfection will lead us nowhere, staying humble would help in uplifting relationships.

b. Be Thick-Skinned - Don't react off-the-cuff. Instead go slow. Be a tortoise! Don't take everything personally; it is not meant for you always.

c. Listen - By listening, you are transformed from a potential adversary to an ally. By listening, you become someone to be trusted. By listening, you cease to be part of a problem and become, instead someone who has the information to offer a solution.

Unfortunately, nurturing relationships is never formally taught in schools and colleges, and we always learn it the hard way. The books around us could guide us paving the way for the right thoughts and assisting in introspection. But, the onus is on self.

During the two and half hour flight, I wrote a few sheets assessing my own performance and trying to figure out a barometer to quantify the health of some of my closest relationships. I am still not sure how far I have managed to decipher this puzzle, but I would continue my pursuit to learn and understand this complicated matter of bonds and connections.