Small doses of poison - why we need uncomfortable experiences to build resilience

Too much or too little of anything can kill us. 

Drinking too much water leads to water intoxication. And oxygen is a fatally toxic compound when we are exposed to higher than normal concentrations. 

Obviously, too little oxygen or water will kill us too. And yet having “just enough” exposure to these properties helps us to thrive. 

The reverse is also true; when we expose ourselves to harmful substances in the right doses, then it can make us stronger or can even save our lives. For example, a live vaccination gives us “just enough” of the pathogen for the body to develop immunity to the disease. 

I believe this idea of “just enough” is an under appreciated and highly important concept for building resilience. 

There’s a misconception that stress is bad

Before I explain, it’s helpful to understand the pervading belief that stress is bad. 

This is an understandable point of view. 

Many of the people I work with have busy lives with demanding jobs and competing priorities which gives them little time to recover. This can lead to chronic levels of stress with symptoms such as fatigue, anxiety and depression, or perhaps experiencing frequent bouts of illness. 

This is such a common situation that we have conflated any sort of stress as being unhealthy. This misunderstanding is perpetuated by wellness advice that tells us to reduce or avoid life’s stressors. 

However I think it would be more accurate to say that high levels of stress, with insufficient recovery, is bad for us when it persists for too long. Similarly an acute stressor, like a traumatic experience, can also undermine our resilience. 

Stress is good for us (in the right amounts)

It’s important to appreciate the many benefits of stress too. 

Some stressors are pleasurable. Such as having a morning coffee, watching a dramatic series on Netflix or falling in love. (Yes, falling in love is a stressor!). This is the sort of stress that feels exciting and gives us a buzz. 

Other stressors are necessary. We need them as a source of creativity, enthusiasm, drive and motivation. We have a biological clock, called the circadian rhythm, that naturally releases stress hormones every morning to help us start our day. 

We also need stress as a stimulus for our physical and emotional growth. 

For example, exercise is a stressor that creates fatigue and breakdown in our muscles but it also allows the body to adapt and bounce back stronger after a sufficient period of recovery. This is how we get fitter. 

The same is true of a challenging experience, which can be a source of learning and personal development when it’s combined with enough self-awareness.

Small doses of poison

So stress is not bad, but can we use it to actively build resilience?

The answer is yes, and many of us do it without realising it. 

For example, a number of years ago I was depressed, for nearly a year, without the support or guidance on how to deal with it. It was a difficult experience and a messy process but I eventually found a way through. 

Looking back at it now, that experience has become a resource for me. Somehow it made me stronger because I had to develop new strategies focused on bouncing back from a dark place. Today, whenever I experience difficult feeling I find myself drawing on what I learnt all those years ago.

As I write this, I have a six week old baby and a two year old. It is full-on juggling all my commitments while supporting my family. Again, it hasn't been easy but I’ve found myself focusing on what matters. It’s helping me to discard what isn’t important in my life. 

I see these as like small doses of poison where “just enough” stress can be a source of learning that helps us to build our capacity to thrive in a diverse range of challenging circumstances. 

Through experiences like these, I have become increasingly interested in how we intentionally harness certain stressors to build resilience at work.

Building resilience at work

Take one of my clients as an example. He works as a Partner in a consulting firm. 

We have been exploring his resilience, using heartbeat analytics, and discovered that he thrives when there’s an optimal amount of stress in his work. 

When he’s working on a complex project, or having a demanding week, he’s often in a state of flow. This happens as long as he’s mindful and focused on the activity, which is a skill he’s learnt.

This state allows him to mentally and physically “switch-off” afterwards, which leads to recovery. 

In contrast, when he experiences too much challenge he feels over stretched. This leads to anxiety and exhaustion. Equally, if things are too quiet at work he’s under stretched and becomes disconnected and numbed out. Both these states are a source of stress for him. 

I have adapted Mihaly Csikszentmihaly’s model on flow to illustrate how he needs “just enough” challenge at work to enable recovery, and therefore build resilience.

Please note, the idea of working with stress is not the same as needlessly inviting stress into our lives! Nor should it be confused with continually enduring situations that are making us miserable or ineffective. 

Everyone is unique and just enough stress will vary from person to person. It requires a degree of self-awareness and experimentation to know what stressors have the potential to support our resilience. 

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Update in response to the Coronavirus pandemic

COVID-19 is an unprecedented health emergency in our modern history.

There are huge amounts of uncertainty in how we best respond to a little understood disease, let alone how we may bounce back stronger from it. 

At the time of writing, I have experienced feelings of anxiety and fear in the last few weeks as this crisis has unfolded. Like many others, I am adjusting and adapting to my new reality of social distancing and self—isolation.

It’s too early to know how this situation will be a source of learning and growth - and that’s assuming myself and loved ones do not fall seriously ill, or worse, from COVID-19. 

Instead my focus is on the wellbeing of myself and my family to ensure I feel grounded in response to the world’s events and not going into fight, flight or freeze mode.

Alongside the basics (such as eating well, sleeping well, doing some light exercise) I am connecting with the important people around me to feel supported - and to GIVE support. Already I have found that this is enabling me to better respond to events instead of unhelpfully reacting to the uncertainty.

In response to this crisis, how can you support yourself as a basis for bouncing back stronger?

Updated 23 March 2020

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