Strategies for dealing with the heartbreak of separation.

Relationship breakdown is emotionally challenging. Finding time to grieve in a healthy way is sometimes overridden by the need to attend to parenting and financial arrangements.

It is important to prioritise your own wellbeing and work on healing your heart so that you can successfully move through the separation process to successfully plan for your future independence and happiness.

We have identified four steps that can go a long way in helping anyone’s heart heal, regardless of the relationship they are leaving.

4 Practical Steps to help your heart heal:

1.   Welcome and accept your emotions

2.   Love yourself

3.   Take pleasure in simple things

4.   Be creative

 Welcome and accept your emotions

Experiencing a variety of emotions is a required experience when riding the wave of heartbreak. After separation, you may find you mourn many losses: the loss of your significant other’s company and presence, the affection they provided, their habits and tendencies that you grew accustomed to. As you grieve the safety and identity afforded by being in a relationship you may well mourn the loss of what could have been, the anticipated future life that you may have spent years planning. You may feel quite uncertain about what the future holds.  Indeed, a diverse spectrum of emotions is to be expected in times of loss and heartbreak.  

Remember to slow down and take the time to notice, acknowledge, accept and name your feelings. There will be days where you will feel very sad and others where you will get a glimpse of who you can be on your own. Be prepared to take this journey and weather the healing process as you slowly let go and learn more about yourself. Actively processing your emotions allows you to better understand yourself, the relationship you have lost, and the future before you as an individual. Every experience of heartbreak is an opportunity to learn. By avoiding uncomfortable feelings, you might be inhibiting healing. Give yourself the time to go gently and tackle these feelings rather than skirt around them. Remember, if you avoid what is hurting you now, you will only bump into it later down the line.

Love yourself

Appreciate that your self-worth does not depend upon the validation you receive from your significant other.  Only when we understand that we alone are enough for this world can we move on from heartbreak.

Take pleasure in simple things

 Get in touch with yourself and do what feels right for you. Perhaps try putting reminders in your calendar for ‘me time’ or ‘friend time’– even one small thing can give you purpose each day. You might even find yourself enjoying the meditative quietness of domestic jobs - sorting and washing clothes, folding, brewing a pot of tea, buying groceries, then preparing them into delicious meals. Spending time with special friends and trying something new can also be a great antidote to a broken heart.  There is no right or wrong in this, just remember to be kind to yourself.

 Be creative

 How do you fill the void in yourself where love and passion once resided? it can be useful to engage in activities where our emotions are channelled into tangible and creative things. Many people going through separation and divorce describe their creativity as being "unlocked" during their period of heartache. For others, creativity explored through art, music, photography, writing or dance serves as a wonderful escape from some of the more logistical aspects of a separation.

 These are only our tips. You may have your own thoughts on what has worked to help you heal a broken heart. What has worked for you?