Stressed? Annoyed? Upset? The one thing you need to change it.

This one idea is at the core of everything I coach on and how I can help you change the way you live your life (for the better obviously).  

I’m super aware of it and practice it every day. It has completely transformed how I handle stress, annoyances, upsets and the negative spiral of worrying, anxious or frustrating thoughts that can take over my head.  

Here it is... 

Your thoughts create your emotions.  

Or put another way, you do not feel anything unless you think about it first.  

When you get upset, it’s because of your thoughts about the situation that’s happening.  

It's not the situation. It's your thoughts.  

Glasses and Finger Pointing

I believe that every situation is neutral and that we live our lives wearing our own special pair of glasses that tint the world we see.  

This tint is a lovely mix of our past experiences, beliefs, personality, preferences and mood.  

And because these tinted glasses are just part of who we are, hardly anyone knows they’re wearing them. 

So as things happen that we feel negative emotions about, we naturally do a lot of finger pointing.  

That late bus stressed me out. 

Dave at work annoyed me.  

My boyfriend upset me.  

Well I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to turn that finger around and point it at yourself.  

You are responsible for how you feel and you are creating those feelings with your thoughts.  

It sounds pretty obvious now that I’ve said it right?  

That the things you think about directly trigger your emotions.  

If I asked you to pause for a minute, close your eyes and think about having an argument with someone who really bloody annoys you, you’ll start to feel anger bubble up.  

Ok stop.  

What if you reminisce about your favourite holiday, the things you did on it and the people you were with? Happy vibes? Yes.  

This applies to EVERYTHING that happens in your life.  

And once you’re aware of it, you can take back the control.  

You want the power over your emotions instead of them popping up and running wild whenever life throws a little bit of stress, discomfort or inconvenience your way.  

This also means that you don’t offload these negative emotions on the people in your life who you care about. 

So what’s the best way to get this control back?  

First you need to be aware of what’s happening and why you’re feeling a certain way.  

Next time you feel annoyed about something, take note of the thoughts that are creating that.  

Follow the breadcrumbs back to your mind. 

Getting Pissy on the Underground

Let’s say you’re hurrying down the stairs to a tube platform and you get stuck behind two people plodding down. When you get to the platform, your tube has just shut its doors and is taking off.  

“Omg” you rant in your head “If those bloody people had been 30 seconds faster then I wouldn’t have missed that”.  

You look at the board and the next one isn’t for another seven minutes. SEVEN MINUTES! That’s basically like an hour in tube waiting time.  

You look at your phone. Now you’re going to be late for your dinner booking.  

It’s also really cold and you’re going to be stood here for another... SIX MINUTES! How has only one minute gone past!?  

Those bloody slow people.  

And now that they’ve done this, you feel really tense and can’t relax again.  

So let’s pause.  

What actually just happened?  

Well, you simply missed your tube and you have to wait seven minutes for the next one.  

If this happened to your mate and they said to you “Ugh yesterday I missed my tube and had to wait seven minutes for the next one” you’d say “Aw that’s the worst” while thinking “Cool story bro. Nice minuscule problem you got there”.  

Small situations like this happen every day.  

And bigger ones as well where you legitimately feel like you have the right to blame someone or something for your emotions.  

Like your partner eating the chocolate bar you’ve been thinking about all day.  

Dick. Move.  

You get to Choose

But once you realise that your feelings are a direct result of your thoughts and those tinted glasses you love to wear, you have all the power.  

It does mean stepping up and being responsible which is much harder than blaming someone else.  

But it also means that the better you get at controlling your thoughts, the less negative emotions you have and the less you feel like the world is pushing you around.  

YOU get to choose how you feel all the time.  

So give it a crack.  

For the rest of the week, be super aware of your emotions when they pop up and what thoughts you’re having that are causing them.  

Make an effort to pause before more negative thoughts start escalating.  

And if you can easily do that, choose a new thought to have about the situation or person.  

If those plodders made me miss my tube, I think “oh well, doesn’t matter. There’s another one in seven minutes”.  

No negative thoughts. 

No negative feelings.  

Easy. It just takes practice.  

Tahirih xx