The Surprising Thing Holding You Back (Hint: It’s Not Fear of Failure)

When I think about the most accomplished professionals I’ve worked with, those who check all the boxes of what we typically call success, one thing continues to surprise me.

Their biggest roadblocks aren’t external. They’re not short on talent, resources, or ambition. The real challenge? 

They’re afraid of their own success.

I know, I know. It sounds odd. Isn’t success the thing we’re all striving for? But after 26 years of coaching high performers, I’ve seen it time and again. I’ve even experienced it a time or two (or three.) Success can feel just as scary as failure. Sometimes even more so.

Why Success Can Feel a Little Scary

Fear of success is subtle. It doesn’t always announce itself clearly. Instead, it shows up in quiet ways:

You procrastinate on a big project that could be a turning point. You downplay your achievements so you don’t outshine others. You hesitate to pursue opportunities that are well within your reach.

And the internal dialogue? It sounds so reasonable. “I don’t want to seem full of myself.” “I’m not really ready.” “I’m just being realistic.”

But underneath it all is a fear that success might cost you something. Time. Relationships. Identity. Even your sense of belonging. Growth brings change, and change can feel uncomfortable, even when it’s good.

The good news? There are ways to work through it and come out stronger, more grounded, and more confident.

6 Strategies to Overcome Fear of Success

1. Define Success on Your Own Terms

It’s easy to adopt someone else’s version of success. More money, a bigger title, a packed calendar. But what does success actually look like for you?

Create your own vision. One that honors your values, relationships, health, and joy. Ask yourself, “What would success look like if it added to my life instead of taking things away?” When your definition feels aligned with your true self, it becomes something to welcome rather than fear.

2. Challenge Your Inner Critic

That little voice saying, “You’re not ready” or “You don’t deserve this”? That’s imposter syndrome talking.

Keep a success file. Notes. Compliments. Thank-you emails. Accomplishments. When self-doubt creeps in, open the file and remind yourself that you didn’t get here by accident. You earned it.

3. Protect Your Energy with Boundaries

Success often brings more requests, more attention, more demands. But you don’t have to say yes to everything.

Before you reach the next level, decide where your boundaries are. You can say something like, “I’m honored you thought of me, but I need to protect my current commitments so I can give my best.”

Boundaries aren’t selfish. They’re essential.

4. Curate a Supportive Circle

Not everyone will celebrate your growth. And that’s okay. But it’s important to have people in your life who do.

Seek mentors and peers who inspire you. Who understand your ambition. Who encourage you to keep going. And remember the saying, “If you want to fly with the eagles, you have to stop swimming with the ducks.”

5. Build Your Comfort with Visibility

Visibility can be vulnerable. If being seen makes you nervous, ease into it.

Start small. Share a win on LinkedIn. Speak up in a meeting. Say yes to a panel. Just like building a muscle, confidence with visibility grows the more you use it.

6. Focus on the Bigger Picture

When in doubt, shift the spotlight from yourself to the impact you want to make.

Success isn’t just about personal gain. It’s about having the capacity to lift others, spark change, and make a difference. When you view success as service, it feels less intimidating and far more fulfilling.

In conclusion… Success doesn’t just happen to you. It’s something you create with vision, courage, and the willingness to grow through discomfort.

If you feel a little unsettled on the way up, take heart. That’s not a sign you’re failing. It’s proof you’re becoming the person you were always meant to be.

Jacqueline Whitmore is a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) with 26 years of experience in executive presence, business etiquette, and international protocol. She is the author of Poised for Success: Mastering the Four Qualities That Distinguish Outstanding Professionals and Business Class: Etiquette Essentials for Success at Work. Follow her on Instagram @jacquelinewhitmore. To schedule a workshop or keynote for your group, visit EtiquetteExpert.com or email info@etiquetteexpert.com.