Troubles of a burdened student, husband, father and full-time employee

In this series, students and industry experts share stories and perspectives from inside the student debt crisis. Share yours here using #StudentDebt.

I come from a paycheck-to-paycheck family. My parents did not have the financial means to help me through college, so when I decided to go back to school, I was on my own. During my time at Stevens-Henager College, many sacrifices had to be made. I missed so many things, from losing touch with hobbies to spending time with friends and family. Free time was spent trying to catch a few desperately needed minutes of sleep. Friends became strangers. The phrase, “we never see you,” became common place that was answered in a word: School.

Being a married man of thirteen years with a child of my own and one on the way, I did not have the luxury of pursuing a degree without having to work full-time.

I could not afford many of my family’s needs, let alone their wants. We relied a lot on discount stores, cheap meals, and family donations. We had to live with family most of the time. Even when we could afford a place of our own, the increase in rent was so large after the lease expired that we could barely afford to stay afloat. During this time, raises and promotions did occur, but with the cost of child care and my wife’s need to take time off for the pregnancy. It never seemed enough. The doctor bills from our son’s delivery were crushing. Insurance premiums were high, but the payout was low. We had to rely much on charity help to take care of our children.

The most difficult sacrifice of all was the time I missed with my family. When school started, my pregnant wife became a single mother to our 1-year-old daughter. Although she carried the burden gracefully, I knew it wore her down. Her sacrifice was just as great, if not greater, than my own. I missed many of my children’s firsts. I missed most my son’s life. Time I will never ever be able to make up. Just before my newborn son made 3-months, he passed away quietly in the night. I always thought I’d have more time. I thought that if I could just get this one last assignment finished I could spend more time with them. Then came my sweet boy’s funeral. To say the least, it was very expensive and not something we planned on having to pay for.

Even with the loss of our son my wife and family urged me on to finish. She told me to “finish for our boy,” and so I did. And throughout this entire struggle, the student debt just accumulates and swells unceasingly. I now owe more than $40,000 even after gaining scholarships and tuition reductions that totaled more than $25,000. Even with all this, I was successfully able to graduate with a Bachelors Degree in Computer Science, 4.0 grade point average, and was awarded a member of the Alpha Beta Kappa Honor Society. I'm completely overwhelmed at the support I received and I'm grateful for all those that helped me through it. I now work as a software developer making more money than I had expected. For me, it was worth the work and struggle to get my degree. But it was not without it's intangible costs. There are deep regrets, such as time not spent with my boy, but there are also great times of gladness and of course the rewards for years to come. All-in-all, I'd say it was worth the fight. Though as most good things in life, it came at great cost.

I don’t share all this to gain sympathy, to be boastful, or act as some sort of martyr. I simply want to tell my story and share some things I learned with life after college. As such, here are some things that I think could help someone that may be struggling with thinking of going to college or are in college currently:

First and foremost, find out if it’s worth it. I may have just made some enemies by saying that, but make sure that your debt is worth the risk. The sheer cost of college tuition alone should scare you. You should be educated in what you’re signing up for first. Think of it as a financial investment in yourself. Because that’s exactly what it is. You are investing heavily into your wealth earning potential. It’s up to you to decide if it’s worth the risk of having to carry such debt or not.

My suggestion would be to speak with an un-biased college counselor about your decision and find out what your return on investment for your education could be. Not all degrees are built the same. Some professions pay greater than others. Many professions pay less. When the decision is made you’ll be better prepared for post-graduation and know your financial expectations.

Know your loan. Student loans are not something you can escape or hide from. There are special laws that prevent you from having a normal life if you default on your loan. DO NOT default on a student loan. There is simply no reason you need to. There are people that specialize in student loans and can help with near any financial situation you may occur.

If you decide that college is the way to go then the next step is knowing that you can lower tuition costs through grants and scholarships. I have personally pursued many of these scholarships and have written many essays in doing so. Free scholarship money is out there. You just have to filter through the junk to find it. I unfortunately found many scholarship sites that only wanted my information only to get bombarded with email marketing and advertisements. You have to dig in order to find the good ones. Apply for them, all of them. It’s a numbers game. Pursue every possibility of scholarship money. There are companies out there that are looking for a good tax write off and scholarships are a great vehicle for it. When you can find someone that will grant it to you, it’s up to you to prove why you deserve it. Sell them on why, and that money is yours. If you’re a minority, there are many groups that are more than ready to help when you meet their criteria. Unfortunately, there's not really any groups for white male 30 something with families. We’re kind of on our own. That’s not to say I never received help. Consistency was eventually met with success. As I said it’s a bit of a numbers game. You may have to apply for 10 scholarships to get only 1 approved. That’s still 1 that was approved. It’s free money you won’t have to pay back and that isn’t accruing interest against you. Do the work. It’s worth it. 

Scholarships and grants are great and by all means pursue that free money however do not rely on scholarships and grants alone. If they come, great! But you need a back up plan for when they don't. I suggest you pay as you go along. Any increases in pay should could go towards that loan. A couple hundred dollars goes a long way on a 20-year loan. An extra $1000 in a year could save you a year or two of payments later down the road.

Finally, have a plan and stick to it. Have a plan to pay back what you owe. Look towards the future and what your expectations are and make that plan. The worst laid plans are the ones never made. You can adapt, change or evolve your plan, just make sure you have one.

I consider myself blessed to have been awarded with these scholarships and with a great career prior to leaving college. Many of my graduating class were not so lucky and are up to their necks in debt, desperately trying to find positions that will give them the pay they need to pay back what they owe. Some have found positions making enough money to pay on their student loans and make the same amount they used to. Others, have made much more and are living life to its fullest. As for me? I’m writing this document as a record of my experience so others may benefit from it.

For my final act I wish to expel some political thoughts towards our schools and government. I am not a very political man but like so many others I look for answers why such a wonderful opportunity for our people is so far out of reach and so costly for those that want it.

In my lifetime the cost of tuition has skyrocketed more than 10 fold and has gotten considerably out of control. The higher education industry is more than a $1 trillion-dollar industry. Something seem fishy here? This isn’t supposed to be a money maker is it? I always saw education as an investment in our children. As I see it we are stealing money from our children they will never have. Education is to educate our future artists, engineers, doctors, and leaders. At its roots education was to be pass down knowledge so the next generation can survive, grow, and teach the generation thereafter. Are we to the point where the elders will only pass their knowledge if they can gain from it? Obviously this sounds extreme but at its roots that’s what it seems.

Now I don’t point blame towards one certain entity. We are all to blame. I blame our government for not stepping up and pointing out the problem BEFORE it was a problem. Isn’t it the federal governments job to protect the people from the big bad wolf not feed it? I blame the investors that push for higher profits. Not everything is about money. Education is an investment in all of our futures; an investment in our children. I blame the institutions for letting it get out of hand. You are the educated and the educators. You are the elders that pass down knowledge. You have great power and greed has turned you cold. Finally, I blame us all for allowing it. But we can change!

I believe that the change has to happen at every level to fix this. I don’t think one candidate has every answer and even if they did they have to get approvals and work with committees to get the work done. The government, as a whole, needs to work with institutions to ensure they are operating safely and honestly. I believe that education should be funded not profited. Higher education should be just that, higher education, not a get rich scheme. Why would you restrict education from anyone willing to learn and be better for it? By doing what we’re doing, we are financially restricting who gets to learn. I believe that the institutions should get out of politics and teach those who are willing to put forth the effort. I believe the potential students need to be informed of all aspects of their education. Not just a 30 min video AFTER you have finished school. Give them the full story. Here is what you can and will owe, here is what you can expect to be able to earn after graduation, here is how you can expect to do it. Full disclosure. I expect to get a firestorm of opinions contrary to mine but regardless we all need to work together to get this done. Make education a thing we can be proud of and all benefit from.

So to finish my rant, the struggles that occur between life and debt are real. The great sacrifice that comes with higher education is true and can be very painful. The trials we face trying to better ourselves and our futures may come at a great cost and can change the very core of a person. In the end it is us that will have to decide whether we take the leap of faith into student debt and sacrifice.