Tuesday Thoughts | 09 August 2022 | The Value of Mentorship

A couple of weeks ago a colleague of mine in the Association sector confided in me that they had never had a Mentor, I use the word “confided” because despite it being incredibly challenging to find a good match for a Mentor/Mentee relationship, we often talk about it like its as easy as 1-2-3. I know I’m exceptionally lucky to have had a string of thoughtful, mentors who were willing to tell me hard truths, encourage self and professional development, and sometimes to simply just help chart a path forward.

Since January I have had the opportunity to instruct over a 150 first year students in Organizational Behaviour at Seneca College; with my Students I explore how important Mentorship is for increasing Self Esteem and a Sense of Self Efficacy. In fact, I value Mentorship so much that one of the assignments I give my students is to seek out a formal Mentor (don’t worry I’ll get to the HOW later in this issue of #TuesdayThoughts).

The whole topic of Mentorship has been front and centre since I made reference to it as a strategy to combat Imposter Syndrome while participating on a CSAE Young Professionals network panel in July. At the moment I am lucky to receive mentorship and support from Cathy Cummings, while being able to pay it forward a bit with my Mentee Laura Korneluk (who I’m so proud of for winning one of the Donna Mary Shaw awards this year); both of those matches were facilitated through formal CSAE Mentorship Initiatives over the last many years.

I know in particular, the match with Cathy was a bit of a challenge for the team that ran the CSAE Trillium program about 5 or 6 years ago, I squeaked in just under the max age and had already held leadership positions within the organization – finding someone who matched with my career path, and who I didn’t have to reset the nature of my relationship with, was a tall order. I could probably write an entire book about the great advice and support she has provided me over the years.

It was my comments on the CSAE YP panel that sparked the confession from my colleague and has also led to many people reaching out privately to seek advice, or assistance in identifying and securing a Mentor. Before I dive in, I do need to make a confession of my own, I’ve never asked anyone to be my Mentor, those mentors I have had, have either self identified/self assigned themselves to the role, or been matched with me through a formal process.

A friend of mine has a well honed and (to my understanding) incredibly effective way to evaluate the commitment of potential Mentees, and while I can’t divulge it here, I do want to note that almost anyone I know who would be in a position to provide mentorship will have some criteria they use to evaluate who they choose to share knowledge with. Being a Mentor is a commitment in time and requires deep work to figure out how best to align your truth with the needs of your Mentee. I’ve included a strategy to address this as the first item on the list below.

While I have my preferences, I also wanted to make sure I was considering other voices of experience, I polled my LinkedIn contacts, asking about their preferred way to find Mentees. Nobody, chose the “Don’t Call Me, I’ll Call You” which means my past experiences are outliers; as my former boss Judy Pfeifer told me once “nobody but you is responsible for your career development”. The most popular response was “OMG – Please Just Ask Me”, with “Can Someone Introduce Me?” and “I Don’t Have Time” also garnering at least one vote.

I don’t think I’ve ever compiled a Dos and Don’ts list in a #TuesdayThoughts before, so here I am mixing it up for my long-time readers to keep things “interesting”.

Dos

1)     First Seek to Add Value. One of the main reasons people take the time to be Mentors is because we learn as much (if not more) from our Mentees than they learn from us; younger folks can provide us with fresh perspectives, innovative ideas, and sometimes just a bit of tech support. When I assign the mentorship learning module to my students I include marks for a mandatory statement of reciprocity, what can you do to solve a problem of the other person, add value, or share expertise?

2)     Do Your Research. Not everyone will be a good fit, even if you do your due diligence, you still might not find a great fit – personality and values are rarely explicitly illustrated on someone’s resume, and we all put our best foot forward on social media. BUT you can still figure out, does this person have a career path that started or transitioned through where you are, are they in a position you might want some day, or is there a specific season of life or your career that the can help you through?

3)     Be Open. A potential mentor might self identify, but in a less obvious way. Are they going out of their way to provide you with thoughtful and timely advice? Have they invited you out for coffee or lunch and spent time sharing knowledge or wisdom? Did they tell you a hard truth you needed to hear? Showing investment through the proactive building of a supportive relationship with you, is the way most people will indicate a willingness to enter into a more ongoing or formal Mentor/Mentee relationship. Trust me, as I write this, I’ve got a list of names floating in my head, where I’m kicking myself for not reaching back.

4)     Just Ask. My poll returned its highest result for “OMG-Just Ask Me” as the old saying goes, “the worst thing someone will tell you is, ‘no’.” You don’t need to make it all awkward like asking out your grade-school crush, although at some point you will need establish some expectations (including what you need to do to earn their investment in you), be direct about wanting their advice. Since others are seeking to be introduced to potential mentees, you can also ask other senior people in the space of they know a good match, I’ve made several introductions just in the last couple of weeks.

Don’ts

1)     Be Selfish. This goes hand-in-hand with the idea of seeking to add value. Flattery will get you absolutely nowhere with anyone worth getting to know as a Mentor, people are busy, and no one has time to waste. Do not ask to “pick their brain”, especially if they provide professional services or bill by the hour, find a way to make the relationship reciprocal, even if you are simply allowing the other person an outlet to “give back”.

2)     Not Keep Up Your End. Your Mentor is investing time in you; show up when and where you say you’ll be, don’t make excuses, and if they tell you to read something, talk to someone, or do anything else specific – do that thing. I once ordered a used, copy of an out-of-print book off of Amazon because my Mentor told me I should read it.

3)     Not Take No for An Answer. I know there are lots of self-help folks who will tell you to just keep pursuing what you want, in a relationship that’s called stalking (harsh, but true). You can ask for feedback, you can ask if there is someone they can introduce you to who might be a good fit, but if someone tells you they don’t have time, don’t think it’s a good match, or they are just not interested, please move on.

4)     Abandon your Values or Goals. Not everyone is cut out to be a Mentor, in fact some people – even successful ones – are not good humans. You should always consider diverse and divergent perspectives, but at the end of the day you need to follow your truth and sense of right and wrong.

Did I miss something? Collectively we are smarter than any one person, that’s part of the beauty of networking, community, and yes – mentorship. Please leave your thoughts in the comments, and feel free to advise if you are seeking a Mentor or Mentee, along with a bit about you AND what you would bring to the table.

My Call to Action This Week: well, I have two. For my potential Mentors out there, look for ways to put yourself out there, is there someone in your circle, in your organization or your network; do they have great potential, or maybe just need someone to tell them how to put a better foot forward? Reach out to them. For my potential Mentees, I subscribe to the idea that “if everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and about to be hit head-on by oncoming traffic”, go make something happen.

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Special Thanks to: Christine Bomé, Anne-Marie Flanagan, Rebecca Alexander, and Renee Lavine.

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💡I am a Certified Association Executive with nearly over a dozen years of experience in leadership positions in Canada's Not-for-Profit Sector; as a College Professor, occasional Speaker, and contributor to blogs, newsletters, and media, I am skilled at using the art of storytelling to explain my ideas and inform audiences and readers on a variety of topics.

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