Twenty years later & I still can't find my sunglasses, but I remember the smoke.

In the Jewish tradition of storytelling this is my story of September 11, I have done so each year on Facebook, and hope to continue (I used to write Notes on Facebook, but they took that away - so LinkedIn saves the day!). 

The goal of the following post is not Likes or Comments, but if ONE person reads this and thinks "I will change something in my life for the better..." - then, I win...so read on. For those of us who were there are probably all thinking the same thing: We might not remember what we had for breakfast yesterday, but we sure as damn well remember every single moment of that morning - and holy crap 20 years...insert cliche reaction.

For years I wrote a small story to introduce my experiences on September 11th in Lower Manhattan. Last year ....I didn't and I am disappointed in myself for thinking that this day had "faded" from my mind, it didn't. My wife Silvia has always said that she will always believe in the amazing craft of storytelling and I should continue my tradition.  TWENTY years later, I have one objective in writing this: I want my son Benjamin and my daughter Isabel to learn to LISTEN, not just hear other people but LISTEN and hear what people have to say. I recently heard a Rabbi give a speech on this topic and while he spoke a few days before September 11, 2021....I questioned: could active listening have altered the "butterfly effect" that day? Maybe, maybe not - nobody will EVER know.

In the months and years after we ALL questioned and dramatized (even Family Guy) what if world leaders, or the intelligence community, or...others had listened - would those planes have slammed into the World Trade Center, or the Pentagon and crashed in Pennsylvania and made the entire course of human history and how we look at each other pivot? 

I remember. I do - I truly remember every single moment of that day, from buttoning that olive green shirt, to walking down W96th street to the subway to Adam Roux asking me "why is there so much paper flying around out there?".....to watching what looked like maybe a suitcase or small bags --- were people leaping to their fate from 80 stories.  

I have come to realize that my writing this each year is not for me to get attention from others to post a comment of "oh wow I never knew, you poor thing, thoughts and prayers" - I swear if I hear one more thoughts and prayers...I sincerely want people to learn to LISTEN to each other more. Be that about masks, vaccines, WHATEVER - if you can just take the extra minute to listen to what people say and not just use the mechanics of your ears to hear so that you can form your reply or rebuttable, maybe all this....stuff...I see on the news may resolve itself - maybe, maybe not - but how will we not know until it is another post in our feed. 

I'll tell you how I know. Last week my son Ben told me "he knows my sunglasses are in the garage..." I said thanks Ben but I doubt that. He said it five more times and wanted to go into the garage and I said no. My son looked at me and said "Papai...listen...they are there, I show you." He came back with my sunglasses.

My wife Silvia has told me for years that the fact I can see in my mind clear as day what I saw, heard, smelled - witnessed in Lower Manhattan 20 years ago is TRAUMA, she has said it, she has written it, she ....has exhausted herself even at times yelling with tears, to tell me "you are in PAIN...." --- I hope that I will only now begin to listen. 

We may not like the cliches we see in greeting cards (or maybe you do), but I can 100% guarantee you, you have 0% idea of when your life could be taken from you or those around you. If you are surrounded by pain or surrounded by something that doesn't work for you - find a way, even the smallest steps to change. I left New York for California, I left California for Florida, I left Salesforce for Red Hat - was I changing something because I was running from something or because I listened to what I thought then and there this is how to balance what is in my heart and my mind.  If you have read this far, I adore you, and I thank you.  

And now for the story....

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The following is a personal account of my experiences during the Summer of 2001 in New York and London, as well as what I saw, smelled, felt, heard and watched in Lower Manhattan on September 11, 2011.

As Jews, it is in our nature to tell stories, annually, as to always remember, honor those we have lost and to appreciate all that we have today. Each year I re-post this with an update at the end of the past year. Summer 2001 (~July), New York

The Human Capital Management Division of Goldman Sachs had decided that a “penny saved is a penny earned.” However, in order to play fair, the global sector was given a chance to voluntarily leave the firm and take a severance package. Since the new administration had taken office in the White House, apparently Wall Street just was not feeling so hot, and the markets were starting to look worse for the wear. We were given a deadline, some time, a moment to ponder our future outside the walls of what would come to be the best lesson in life I have learned yet.

August 12th, 2001:

London My brother Joel Mizrahi, well, as much like a brother I ever had, was married to a beautiful, wonderful woman, Shushi Rose, in Manchester, England just a week prior. The train ride along the English countryside was just as imagined, lush with green hills, full of English flavors that tempted the eye to involuntarily think Shakespeare, Chaucer – but for me, not a lot of Harry Potter. After a wonderful week working in London with my good friends Lesley Bosworth and Janeen Schmid I found myself a kid in a candy store. England was this, folklore place to me as a child, and for the first time here I was amongst the ages. The weekend of August 11th, was met with Shabbat (Jewish Sabbath) with Michael Rosen in Edgeware and on Sunday Lesley was gracious enough to allow me to stay at her flat before my trip back to New York City. I took the day on Sunday to explore a few pieces on London, including the National Gallery in Trafalgar Square. In the 48 hours of that weekend something happened…that even until this day, I wish I could explain….but I cannot. During my Shabbat in Edgeware the following sentence was uttered “if the Twin Towers, the World Trade Center in New York City, lower Manhattan were to ever fall, do you think they would go left, right, or straight down….?” The second…was the migraine – or what seemed to be the worst headache I’ve ever suffered. During my walk in National Gallery on Sunday a small thump in the back my head grew to a large thunderous roaring POUNDING…blinding pounding headache. Overcome with this pain I left the gallery, stumbled out and found myself smack in the middle of Trafalgar Square and what do I find…but of course “Muslim Unity Rally Against the Facist West Regime of George Bush….DEATH TO AMERICA!” While finding my way to tube in order to make it back to Lesley’s the following words were uttered by the man at the mic….”you not know when, where, or how…but we will bring you down, crashing into you, burning you into the sea….”

Art Canning Of course in the day and age of Facebook and Twitter I will lead this chapter with http://www.artcanning.com. After the latest round of chemo and biopsy and after biopsy the Hodgkin's Lymphoma had returned to a man not yet 24. Art was dying and he knew it. Art Canning was also a good friend and co-worker at Goldman Sachs. He decided the best alternative was to take the voluntary severance package, leave NYC and head back home Pennsylvania. Art was also to this day, one of the kindest, most gentle souls that has ever crossed my path, my eyes and my heart. Truly one of the good lord’s best examples of a human. Now whether or not you believe in a god, or many gods or even an invisible alien that controls your thoughts – in the coming months I had to start to wonder, if there was one….what the hell is wrong with them.

September 3rd, 2001

 It was decided that the team was going to have a going away dinner for Art. Not only that, but in the time that it was announced that a Voluntary Severance Program was going into effect, the division was bickering, fighting, scheming – who is leaving, who is staying, who gets that job if so and so leaves…everyone was out for themselves and it was all a game, a true Wall Street game. But in the end, some of us decided the best thing to do would be to have a dinner after 5pm on the very day that deadline to accept that severance package was to be….we had until 5pm on September 10th, 2001 to decide whether or not you wanted to voluntarily leave the firm….

September 10th, 2001

~7pm We arrived at the restaurant and shortly after Art Canning walked in to what he thought was a quiet dinner with a few friends. Nearly 50 of us were there, toasting to his life, to our future lives and to the goodness of it all. It was a night where the wine flowed, the food was divine….we all laughed, we all cried. I remember Ben Cannon, our VP…who could be a very hard man to get along with. But a fine British man nonetheless, always serious, always business…this night, we all practiced balancing spoons on our nose….. In the car ride home (because in those days, you could get a Lincoln Town Car to take you home), my intern Trevor and I shared a car to the Upper West and asked me “so is everything gonna be OK now, we’re all cool in HCM….” – I remember looking at over at him and saying to him and truly thinking “everything is going to be fine now, life is going to be good from here on out….” Granted, what did I know at 24 years of age.

September 11, 2001…

I remember my chair, sitting, putting on the olive green shirt, brown/khaki pants, tying my shoes, walking to the subway along W96th Street. I remember walking down towards Broadway on W96th Street, how the hill slopes down just slightly and then looking up to the sky and just before going down into the 2/3 train remembering…how crystal clear and blue the sky was …it was as if nothing could go wrong.

8:45 am 

After dinner that night most of HCM went out for karaoke, I had to be the GOOD SON and go home as Jessica Wickham really, really, really needed to talk to me at 8:30am….why 8:30am, because she was an American working in Tokyo and it was 8:30pm for her. We spoke for 15 minutes about the upgrade to the Learning Management System and talked about the dinner the night before and as we ended our conversation at 8:45am she said to me “Now Michael, you be good today, don’t go causing any trouble…” And I said “it’s Tuesday, what’s the worst that could happen…” How did I know the worst was going to happen in 60 seconds or less……

~8:52 am…. 

Adam Roux came running around the corner…”dude, do you know why there is tons of paper flying around outside? Is there a parade?” Now at 180 Maiden Lane if you looked on the north side of the office tower another building blocked our view, but I looked up to notice the paper, but also that…well, if this was a parade, parade’s don’t come with black smoke. Then the screaming started….the loud…cries that could only come with the worst of possibilities. Running around the other side I was approaching a large number of people starring out the west side of our office, and all I heard before I saw it was …” a small plane just hit the north tower of the World Trade Center.” Murry Christensen was standing there, my first boss at Goldman, and said “my lord, I’ve never in all my years….” I looked up to what I can only describe is what I can imagine the center of hell to look like. This large black hole, smoke billowing, pouring, flames shooting out, sparks flying…” Chaos basically started right about there….

~9 am

Now because of the evening festivities the night before, some folks were….well, slow to come in that day, so not everyone was in the office – meaning, my god, we don’t have everyone accounted for, and it wasn’t until 3 days later that we truly did know where they were. Phones were jammed, internet jammed – I tried reach friends who I know were in transit and tell them to steer clear….and decided to head back to the window…as I was walking the crowd standing there just….just…JUMPED and SCREAMED….WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT….THERE WAS…WHAT THE..WAS THAT.. ….BIG EXPLOSION…out of the south tower. Then …the bodies started to fly. I refuse to go into detail, but, what I saw jumping from that tower will never leave my dreams, or my visions. But no, you haven’t lived until you see a man climb out of a burning building ~80 stories up, while he is on fire and push himself off only to plummet to his death. It was at that moment we all knew, the first plane was no accident, we were under attack.

~9:45 am

Now I worked on the 21st floor, the Recruiting floor on 24 had a BIG screen TV in the lobby, so we went there. The fire marshal was on the loud speaker “DO NOT LEAVE THIS BUILDING, PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE, WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS OUT THERE!” If but one thing is for certain, America is a lot better prepared for emergencies in office buildings, lord knows, we had NO IDEA what to do – stay…go…go…stay?!? I got myself a seat at the receptionists desk to watch CNN and Aaron Brown was talking from midtown, showing on TV what was outside my office….at that time, you…don’t…think, you don’t question – you are in the middle of a war zone, and you just wonder what’s next? The next part is when hell truly unleashed itself…

10:03 am 

Now, I’ve never been in an earthquake….until that minute. The desk started to shake, rumble and roll. Aaron Brown started to scream on CNN “GO BACK TO NY, GO BACK TO NY….” As of course the Pentagon had been hit. All I see is the North Tower and a cloud of smoke…wait….all I see is the North Tower and a cloud of smoke. I looked at my office mate Shuli Pasow and said “what was that?” Now, when you can see yourself on TV (or your office building) and a 110 story wall of smoke is coming towards you…you kinda want to look out the window. I ran around the corner and looked up Maiden Lane, or what was left of it. I looked down to see people running…struggling so hard, fighting to stay ahead of this all consuming ….thing…that’s all I can call it…that thing. It was headed right for us. Within 30 seconds 180 Maiden Lane and the rest of Lower Manhattan was consumed in what was the South Tower of the World Trade Center. To this day, on September 10, 2009, I am haunted by that very moment. You don’t forget that the people in that tower were crushed, burned, incinerated and destroyed were part of that smoke and consumption. And I know that because bone fragments were found as far as Brooklyn in the month and years to come in the cleanup effort. It was at this moment, that my mind started to drift into something it had not before….I may die in the office. I may not make it home today. The air vents were shut, the building was heating up. The smoke was starting to make the windows cave in slightly. People were gathered in small groups, or trying to find a working phone. People started to come in off the streets, covered in dust. Chaos was here, and it was loud.

10:28 am

Standing on the 21st floor again near my desk, I saw Shuli Passow again, a friend from the Upper West Side and office mate. I remember asking her “now what do we do!!??” – as she started to speak, I remember the building shook again…and all I could think was…. we’re not making it out of here alive…..any minute now those windows will cave in and implode this building.

~11:30 am 

Within an hour a group of us had decided that we had to go, we had to get out of there. We got to the lobby and were handed a wet wash cloth by the security team…I remember thinking…what the hell is this going to do?!? In case I want to wash my face? There are some moments I remember more than others about that day. Stepping out of my office towards the South Street Seaport will be a moment I can never erase. Stepping from the office down on to Maiden Lane. The street was gone, it was as if it had snowed….a thick, powder of gray ash…nearly 2 inches deep. When you are a Jew who felt the need to study the Holocaust in High School and College – this is where your mind begins to shut down all reality.

~12pm-4pm

September 11, 2001, Manhattan…. When you work in Lower Manhattan and live in the Upper West Side, you always say to yourself, “one day I should walk home….” – you never think something like this will force you to do so. I remember getting to the Brooklyn Bridge and like Lot and his wife in the bible thinking, “don’t turn around…. don’t turn around….” – but I did, only to see what I can only tell you is a black sky, filled with flames, smoke, and death. But we stuck together, making our way to Grand Central, where those in Westchester hoped to get a train. My boss and I, Bellamy made our way to the West Side. We tried for the A/C train at Times Square, – no way. I got on a bus at ~58th & 8th Avenues. A bus full of those in shock, in tears, hugs were given to those who broke down, total strangers reaching out – and I remember the woman I stood over as we made our way up Broadway just kept saying to herself “why…why…why…I don’t’ know how..why…would someone…..” and right then she looked up at me….”WHY!?” I walked into 750 Columbus at just after 4pm, and took the elevator up to 11S where my roommate, and friend – and someone I will always think of as a brother, Scott Chait waited for word of either the survival or death of not only me, but of friends, loved ones…family members. I walked in and he grabbed me, and hugged me – many thought I was dead, …. The rest of that night is not a blur – I remember very well drinking an entire 8oz bottle of Jack Daniels, being dragged to the roof of my building (which is full of lovely Jews) for a prayer session at sunset and…just…being in shock.

September 12- till…well, about a week later People in NYC were nice to each other.

Two Weeks after September 12th – Thanksgiving

Next Monday we were back in the office, a few days and/or weeks too soon most of us thought. The smell of burning metal lasted until the week of Thanksgiving.

September 11, 2002

… I was running late. I was meeting one of the angels that have passed through my life, Nili Schiffman, at the offices of the Museum of Jewish Heritage to watch a ceremony of world leaders in Battery Park. My boss, my friend Bellamy Schmidt said to me “see you tomorrow, go enjoy…” I said “I feel like I am still in mourning…” And then you hear something in life sometimes that just …never leaves you…Bellamy said to me: “You should celebrate my friend. You are ALIVE. We survived that day, but how, who knows, those planes could have gone off course, bombs might have exploded, you don’t know what COULD have happened, but in the end, it didn’t and you are here to live another day. Celebrate those we lost and be joyful for those that survived, including yourself.” And another person standing there, my co-worker and beloved friend Mike Kwidzinski smiled and just said "now go…" – and it was the first time in a year that I felt OK about what might happen in the days, months and years to follow.

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Update written on September 10, 2009 (San Francisco) Few days have passed in 8 years that I don’t wonder, think, ponder how those 3 months played out. What I do know for certain is that after that, in the years to come, in my 7 more years I had left in NY I did what I had to do , and that is to go forth and do what I can for the world – and to believe that man, is inherently good, but the factors of money, power, greed, arrogance and ego can corrupt. It is human evolution, it is the natural desire to be larger than you truly are. All I can hope for is to be a larger voice for the good, and hope that others do the same. Eight years later….I can remember as if it was yesterday. Eight years later….I realize the best way for me to ever tell this story….is by telling you what happened 3 months before the story. When enough time has passed and those that were there are long gone, that history remembers to note how an event such as this could have been prevented, but at the same time understand that it was an event like that which created a great deal of good in the world…. ————————————————————————————————————

Update written on September 11, 2010 (San Francisco) After 9 years there are times that it still feels like it was yesterday. Like my Jewish traditions where certain stories are recounted annually I too shall re-post, recount and tell my story at least once a year, as to ensure I do not forget – I would feel that would dishonor those that were lost senselessly.  Today reminds of how my life has evolved in 9 years. I am getting married in less than 4 weeks to the most amazing woman I have ever met. Silvia reminds me each day how amazing, precious and beautiful life is no matter how dark it might seem to get.  I will take words from my ever wise Rabbi Mintz. It was almost poetic that this event occurred so close to the Jewish New Year, when we remember that these are the days we ask those we love for forgiveness – why wait: never go to bed angry, always give a hug and a smile and do your best to make what looks to be a shattered world a better place. ————————————————————————————————————

Update written on September 09, 2011 If you told me on September 12, 2001 that ten years later I would be married to a gorgeous blonde Jewish woman from Sao Paulo, Brazil, living in a beautiful apartment in San Francisco with a cute 8 week old puppy I would have told you to shut the front door cause you are NUTS! But alas, this is my reality. Another side of my reality is that it has been 10 years since that day and to most of us that witnessed and experienced it or lost someone, it happens everyday in our minds and feels like it was yesterday.  Over the years I have watched many exploit and demonize the wrong people over what happened. In the end, I still have faith in humanity, it is not always perfect, but without it I would go mad. Though I can’t help ignore that some folks on certain cable news stations can just say whatever they want and there are enough people to believe it as gospel – and it reality it does nothing but generate fear and discrimination. People losing their homes and jobs and families, meanwhile some of the least intelligent people on earth appear on television acting like baboons and never have to worry for money again. The system of humanity reaching a breaking point, and in part I can’t ignore that it is what led to that day. I truly believe it is time to put away the egos and let humanity breathe again. -----------------------------------------------------------------

Update written on September 11, 2012 I have made it a personal goal that every year I honor the Jewish tradition of telling a story (think Passover or Purim) and re-publish my experience of what happened to me between mid-August and September 11, 2001 . Every year and each anniversary has a different tone, a different feel.   After what happened the country had one voice, now, to me there are 2 - very divided, very angry at each other and yes, it does feel like one of the voices refuses to listen to other. I can tell you after watching 3000 innocent people die in front of me, this can't go on. Eleven years later I am blessed (as much as I have fun with pics on Facebook, it is at the end of the day a blessing) to have an amazing life partner that understands this and I know together life is that much better and helps me remember the good....so with that...my story.

I have added a few pictures of the view from my office along the way. Updated on September 11, 2013 from San Francisco.... About a year ago my wife and I moved to San Rafael, California - essentially the farthest place possible from Lower Manhattan. We hear crickets, see the stars - we even hear coyotes crying in the night. We live nestled between rolling hills of green, the Pacific Ocean and the San Francisco Bay. I took a walk last night towards the lake of the Marin Civic Center and watching these puffs of clouds rolling over some of the western hills it reminded me of ...and then for some insane reason it occurred to me, I should be ashamed of myself. It was 12 years ago that night I was on my way to a dinner for Art Canning, it was 12 years ago I told someone "everything is going to be alright..." - and it was 12 years ago this morning I watched 3000 people die.   I learn from my wife everyday that am lucky to see the sun rise, and there are parts of our lives that don't always turn out the way we expect, in some ways we have exceeded our expectations, and in others, we still chasing a dream.  On a day like this, even if you don't recall watching the news, where you were, what you were doing - I remember your world can change with a blink of an eye, even if you think "that won't happen to me..." - trust me it can. That doesn't have to be a bad thing, it also gives you a license to enjoy your life. With that, I feel the need to remind myself what happened to me on that day...I hope you take the time to read and do share your story with others...

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Updated on September 11, 2014 from San Francisco.... For the last few years I have tried to keep a promise to myself and to friends I have lost since 2001. Friends have passed on from cancer or even from what we believe was succumbing to the stress of surviving the attack on Lower Manhattan. I have met survivors of the Holocaust, family members who have lost loved ones to terrorism, in London, Israel and of course the World Trade Center.  During this time I have stood by my belief of education and story telling. It may not stop the hate of those who wish us harm, but maybe it could stop the speed at which it affects us.   13 years. As a Jew I hear 13 years and think Bar Mitzvah. A Mitzvah, a good deed, something that you do for others not for yourself, but for making a positive change in someone else's life and the world.  For me, on this day, or this week, or at some point the month, if you see someone in need, see a post on Facebook, a story on the news where you say to yourself "I could help..." - make me a promise, do it. Before I end the post for this year, like winning an Oscar, I will not thank the Academy, but my wife Silvia. Each year she continues to show me the beauty in life, the joy of doing selfless acts and for helping me through my own fears of accepting the idea that I survived that day by chance, and my mission in life now is to make the world a better place.

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Updated on September 11, 2015 from San Francisco

I have to believe there are useful cliches like "if I knew then what I knew now..." Maybe that's my own chaos theory. On the morning of September 11, 2001 I had what one might call "a front row seat at the show," at the time it did feel like a movie. 2014 is mentally different than those past. I have had to ask myself which is worse: A. Watching ~3000 people be incinerated & murdered? Or B. Knowing you are losing someone to disease like cancer? Answer: Both are horrible, shitty, crap filled bastards for different reasons. In last 12 months I have lost one cousin to cancer and sadly very soon may lose a friend who is the personification of genuine kindness to Leukemia. The unexpected result is that I believe I have reached, albeit perhaps painfully, the understanding of this idea that one should try to "live in the present." Thinking "if I knew then..." - now sounds like regret. I would like to move past having regret. I think I can say now, you should honor September 11, 2001, but remember September 12, 2001 and the week following: there was goodness that came from the hate. You may have seen my posts about #Dreamjob at Salesforce. Not because I want to wave a banner and say "LOOK AT ME!" It is because I do love my work and work for a company that finds every which way it can to give back to the sick, hungry, the poor and most important (for me), those that can not defend themselves: and we are hiring all over the world.  Next week I will spend 15-18 hours a day on my feet working Dreamforce and in the background I am helping to make a substantial donation to helping animals who live in shelters or are abandoned, how can I not love my work. Do not wait for the anniversary of something tragic to be reminded of all that is good, go out and find it, trust me it is there.

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Updated on September 11, 2016 from San Francisco

In the Jewish tradition of storytelling this is my story of September 11. Many aspects of 2016 do not reflect the world I knew working in Lower Manhattan during the attack of September 11. Those planes were flown by men on a blind mission, calculated and horrific hate. Recent news, articles and tweets fuel new worry that multiple forms of hate will be encouraged globally. However I smiled to see my beloved friend Doree Lewak’s article in the NY Post, about the children of that cruel day: nyp.st/2c2Va2Q.

When children today ask their parents “What happened....? Why would those men do that...?” The answers may have angles of hate, murderous choices, and ignorance. I would ask if you do read this note on Facebook, take from the coaching my bride Silvia has given me: fuel a new mindset, that the smallest gesture of good can fuel the best in humanity.

As the years pass my struggle to accept the events I witnessed in Lower Manhattan lessen, but I do realize the efforts that lie ahead to show society: love will trump hate.

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Update from September 11, 2017 from San Francisco

In the Jewish tradition of storytelling this is my story of September 11. Last year at this time there was a great deal of uncertainty, from politics and sports and most of all if my wife Silvia and I were having a boy or a girl? Now I write from my home in San Rafael, CA listening to my son Benjamin singing in his high chair after having some yogurt and his first serving of scrambled eggs.

📷Benjamin Findling, all smiles

I woke up this morning with the events of this day in Lower Manhattan 16 years ago, fresh in mind as it were yesterday. Luckily, now, the joy of this laughing, giggling, smiling, delicious, wonderful, smiley little boy reminds me this world does have a path (as each of us do) and I do have to trust we will lead each other down the right road.

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Update from September 11, 2018 from San Francisco

In the last year I have experienced some of the most wonderful things (watching my son take his first steps) and some of the most depressing (politics, not getting into that here). I am reminded on this morning that I am anxious about how I am going to explain to my son and now baruch hashem (as we Jews say g-d willing), his little sister how to understand the dichotomy of the two. It seems (at least here in the United States) people are seemingly not feeling great about one another, which sucks because there are so many wonderful things about this little planet of ours.

Last year I moved from Salesforce.com to Salesforce.org. I sometimes miss the thrill of seeing the amazing technology Fortune 100 companies are creating, but now, I get to see the other side of that coin. I see small and mighty organizations doing their part to ease the tension. There are good voices in the world, and I hope to do my children, and my wife Silvia proud in speaking louder than those who would say otherwise.

I hope my friends that I knew well on that day are having a peaceful day: Susan Lange, Nili Isenberg, Mike Kwidzinski, Bellamy Schmidt, Jessica Wickham, Michael McDermott, Michael D Blewitt, Jeremy Epstein, Scott

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Update from September 11, 2019 from San Francisco

Giggles are Life, Now Go Get Some.

When a child turns 18 in the United States, they can vote, they can join the military - it is one of those milestones in their young adult life. It also means LIFE in Hebrew (bit.ly/chai18what) - you read that right, the letters in the word chai (meaning life) correspond to the numerical value of 18.

Almost every night I look out the window of my son’s bedroom while we read stories and look up at the night sky. He sees the moon, the stars, the trees, flowers, squirrels (he calls them Alan), Almost every night I look out the window of my son’s bedroom while we read stories and look up at the night sky. He sees the moon, the stars, the trees, flowers, squirrels (he calls them Alan), and that it ALL he sees. He doesn’t see the politics, or the bubbling sense of tension that has taken a grip in our world. I cannot afford to think “well if I had only known this and this back then.” I am trying to learn from my 2.5 year old boy and think “this is now, this is today, and tomorrow the sun will rise again for more giggles and fun.”

A colleague of mine said to me this morning “I know this is hard day for you” and I only replied, “in some ways yes, and some ways it is the best day, I’m alive.” Through many years of bad dreams, remembering those lost on September 11, including First Responders, and g-d bless Jon Stewart for his efforts, trying to forget, I think for the first time I may just come out on the other side. We never really “move on” - but we can learn from those past emotions.

In the last year my wife Silvia gave birth to our daughter Isabel Grace. She is the cutest, loudest, sweetest, sometimes crankiest little angel that my world has ever known - and yes at almost 7 months old she has Papai (Daddy) wrapped around her little finger. I can only dream what the next 18 years of my daughter Isabel and my son Benjamin’s life will be, I just know I will keep dreaming for them.

I will do what I can make sure that they know when this day comes around in 2029 or 2037 that with each giggle and smile, with each time I watch them give Mama a hug or fall asleep on her shoulder knowing how safe and loved they truly are - unconditionally - they have replaced each bad dream with a sweet one.