A Wandering Path to Purpose and Fulfilment

Recently I’ve emerged from a period of intense work, long commutes, trying to do too many things at once, high levels of screen time and low levels of daylight. No complaints, I chose it. In the space that’s followed, I’ve done my best to redirect my time and energy to exercise, sleep, time outdoors and creative pursuits instead. Much of which has been pretty unstructured and based more on feeling the moment.

I live across the road from the sea, and a few miles from the hills, so there’s plenty of easy access blue and green for wellbeing. I know full well the importance of rest, exercise and getting outside – I’d just been driving past it without looking, playing the daily game of “what trains will Thameslink run today”.

Now that I’ve had less time to do, I’ve had more time to be.

Which is to say, in short, as Public Enemy put it in their song He Got Game:

“My wandering, got my ass wondering”

Ideas. That’s the first thing I notice when I slow down. A little like thinking of the perfect comeback or witty joke three hours too late to use it, I find it takes time and space for ideas to form, shape and connect in my mind. Sometimes I’m consciously “habit-stacking” and listening to a relevant podcast or audiobook about psychology or coaching or leadership and I get a nudge in the right direction. Other times, I’m just basking in What’s Going On or even just hearing the waves (and seagulls).

I notice the same thing when I’m at the gym – constantly having to write small notes in my phone about an idea for a blog, a business, a logo, a connection I could help others make. To my mind, there are two inseparable things at work here: the physical activity makes you better at moving, the mental/spiritual activity makes you better at staying still.

In my downtime I’ve also been binge-watching Yellowstone (I tend to run approximately 2 years behind on any popular series). The negative impact of this series is Carhartt’s aggressive product placement influencing me to buy more expensive jackets. The positive is that it also (loosely, and I can’t vouch for the accuracy of cultures portrayed) looked at wandering, paths and crossroads in life, work and relationships.

Some characters actively chose to wander or drift – trusting that they’d find their way, however tough it might be at each step. Some chose to honour and follow Lakota tradition such as the “vision quest”, seeking guidance or direction through nature and access to deeper wisdom. Wisdom in the sense that we probably already “know” what we need to do, where we need to go and who we need to be, we just don’t “see” it in the tangible way we’re conditioned to seek.

“Not all those who wander are lost”

This Tolkien quote is listed in the section I apparently fit into in the “16 Personalities” test (INFP, Mediator). Maybe that’s why it appeals, maybe it also fits as I know a core value for me is curiosity. Maybe that’s why I haven’t always stayed too long on the conventional paths I’ve stood at the start line of.  Loss is an interesting lens through which to examine wandering, though.

Education, work, age-related milestones – all of these come with pre-determined pathways that we can easily feel we “should” follow. When we stray from those paths, it’s often seen and felt as a loss. For example, you tell a friend you’ve left your job/career/course and they might automatically start their reply with “I’m sorry to hear that”.

Some of this comes from the classic “sunk cost” fallacy – what about all the time, effort and energy you put into getting this far? I’ve worked here 10 years / been with this person my whole adult life / the first 2 years are the hardest part… all great excuses to stay in something well past its shelf-life.

Won’t it all go to waste? Ultimately, you can’t get that time back whatever you do. All you can do is choose how you apply the learning and perspective that period left you. That might well still lead to continuing in a role you’ve made a career or vocation. For example, I often work with people 5-15 years into a career they always wanted and feel emotionally connected to (police, teachers, health professionals, any kind of “institution”) and I know how hard they worked, how much they sacrificed and suffered to get to that point. Wouldn’t it be a little crazy to walk away without knowing what’s next? Yes and no. Of course, you can plan ahead for your wander. You can wear the right boots, pack the right snacks, charge your phone, tell someone when to expect you back – stretch this analogy wherever you want to take it. In tangible career change terms, this might be about savings or networking or further study or getting a casual job or just polishing your CV.

There comes a point though where you have to disconnect by enough of a margin to feel the benefit. I’ve been fortunate enough to spend some time in Northern Sweden and I’m always reminded (in gentle natural ways by the environment and in less gentle ways by Toby Cowern) that engaging with nature can’t just be through a phone camera, or you might as well be at an aquarium. It requires truly listening, feeling and accepting the new environment – even if it is -20 degrees. It’s a bit like the scenes in the film White Men Can’t Jump where Wesley Snipes is explaining to Woody Harrelson that he “can listen to Jimi (Hendrix), but you can’t hear Jimi”.

We often wait for something external, something so massive we can’t ignore it, to “force” a change. Starting a healthy lifestyle after a trip to A&E. Leaving a toxic job after one nightmare meeting too many. Truth be told, we usually “know” this was always the right course of action long before that external intervention.

So how do you know it’ll work out and you’ll find something better? Well, you don’t know in the modern, Western, KPI-focused (ooh, maybe even an OKR) sense of that word. If you slow down and hear though, the answer is there.

As cheesy as it sounds, whenever I’ve gone consciously wandering, I’ve gained far more than I’ve lost. It doesn’t need to be an either/or, competitive process. It’s just a choice. I chose to leave a police career that had indeed been tough to build. I gained a whole new one (or several) that also required a lot of effort, that effort and struggle just looked a lot different. I gave up a lot of weekends and cold mornings in pursuit of building an outdoor fitness business, before I chose to wander back to the warmth of my car for the final time. Still learned a lot and wouldn’t change it even in 20/20 hindsight.

Grit. Resilience. These are often the qualities celebrated in staying where you are and struggling along the paved path of those who went before. I admire those who choose to stay and fight when that’s aligned with their values and the impact they want to have. I just see the definition of those words changing gradually to accept that choosing to change lanes or adjust your course is just another form of resilience.

Introducing Wandering

I realise not everyone has the opportunity to down tools (or down Teams) and simply walk away. However, there are many ways to start to create a little more space for wandering.

If you lead a team that has recurring meetings (maybe you call them “stand-ups” but no one actually stands up or leaves their desk), how about making one or more of them outdoors or walking meetings by default? Add time to the agenda for people to share where they are, what they can see/touch/smell/hear.

As a leader, are you role-modelling space, time and perspective? Or perhaps the behaviour your teams see creates more of an example of busyness, stress and constant urgency? What’s the best balance for your goals and environment?

What would getting off the tube or bus one stop earlier and walking to the office result in? What about two stops? What about stopping halfway across the bridge and watching the river for five minutes?

I write about leadership, career change and personal growth, with a side of positive psychology, 1990s basketball and the outdoors. Subscribe to the Mightify Briefing on LinkedIn, or my writing on Medium at https://medium.com/@tomwheelhouse