Welcome to the first edition!

On the first Friday of every month, I’ll publish a five-minute read under the banner Learning to Exhale: insights and inspiration for leading a life in balance

I really dislike the term work/life balance as it suggests the two are in competition. Work is part of life. The question seems to me to be:

What contribution to my life do I want work to make?

I’m not sure about you, but I only began to ask myself this question in my 40s and it’s a question I see many of my clients at mid-life and mid-career asking themselves. The question shines a light on our values, our relationships, our, identity and our sense of agency.

All “big things” which I hope to tackle in bite-sized, pragmatic pieces in my newsletter.

My intention is to end your week and begin your month prompting you to take a moment to breathe and to do some expansive thinking.

What’s in a name?

Six years ago, when I was navigating a particularly tough divorce, a friend invited me to try yoga to help me find a much-needed off-switch. That first evening, as I struggled to hold the most basic of poses, the yoga teacher observed that the source of my struggle lay in the fact that I “didn’t know how to breathe out”.

“Of course I was breathing out”, I thought – and said. Staying alive requires in and out breaths. The yoga teacher smiled and said,

“you are staying alive but you’re in survival mode”

So began my discovery of the power of the breath

I learnt that I was far from alone in using only a tiny fraction of my lung capacity; essentially shallow breathing. This had a clear impact on my strength and flexibility in yoga but also – perhaps not so obviously - in my personal and work life.

I was staggered to realise I had to (re) learn to breathe; to take in-breaths that expanded my belly and out-breaths that were at least as long as the in-breath.

The difference between fear and excitement is the exhale

Breathing in activates our sympathetic nervous system, the part connected to the survival responses of fight, flight, freeze and fawn (otherwise known as people pleasing). The outbreath activates our parasympathetic nervous system; the sensations associated with thriving. This is where we access our expansive emotions including joy, gratitude, curiosity and compassion.

The slower we breathe, the more alive we become

A scientific review of the research on breathing concluded that slower, intentional breathing – fewer than 10 breaths a minute – increased comfort, relaxation, energy and focus and decreased anxiety, depression, anger and confusion.

I build this “breathing space” into the weekly journal classes I facilitate, allowing attendees to find their focus and shift into a more open, receptive state before allowing their thoughts and feelings to flow out onto the page.

Breathing is a powerful tool to regulate our mental and emotional states

Next time you see athletes before they compete or performers before they take to the stage, notice the conscious exhale. And consider how you might check in with your breathing in your day and what the benefits to you, your relationships and your work might be.

Take action now

Why not set a timer and practice some slow breathing?

Find a comfortable place to sit and put one hand on your belly. This helps you to focus on breathing more deeply; when you breathe in you should feel your belly expand and as you exhale, it will contract. Keep on eye on your shoulders – shallow breathing tends to show in our shoulders rising up.

Slowly count to at least five on the inhale and the same on the exhale and repeat until the minute is up.

• What do you notice?
• How easy was it to slow your breathing in this way?
• What was more challenging – the inhale or the exhale?
• What else do you notice?

What I’m listening to

I’m a huge fan of podcasts with two favourites currently being:

The Huberman Lab Podcast with Andrew Huberman an American neuroscientist and professor in the Department of Neurobiology at the Stanford University School of Medicine. The podcast takes a deep dive into the science of physical and emotional health, looking at topics such as motivation, happiness, nutrition, exercise and sleep and offers practical tools to tweak your habits.

Start with: The Sleep Toolkit: Master your sleep and be more alert when awake

Poor sleep and lack of sleep affects the body the way alcohol does. So not getting decent zzz’s is like living and working drunk. Things that suffer: emotional regulation and decision-making. Given that sleep is the foundation of all mental health, physical health and performance, this episode provides an essential toolkit of science-supported, low- to zero-cost strategies that can be tailored to optimize your sleep routine.

The Diary of a CEO with Steven Bartlett, the 30-year-old ex-CEO of one of the UK’s fastest growing companies, Social Chain. But I love this podcast for Steven’s vulnerability, curiosity, and ability to deeply connect with his guests and the subject matter. He is role modelling leadership.

Start with: World’s No 1 Matchmaker Paul Brunson: how to find and keep real love

How we attach, connect and relate to colleagues, friends, family and lovers stems from our earliest experiences of being loved. This wide-ranging episode covers the connection between how we treat our partners and how we show up at work and the two things we all need to know about ourselves to relate to others (not just lovers) better. Inspiring to see two men having such a reflective, emotionally open and intellectually curious conversation.

Over to you

• What has this edition of the newsletter provoked in you?
• What would you like to add to the conversation?
• Do you have any podcast recommendations from leaders who role model leadership in their conversations, as Steven Bartlett does?