Wellbeing and Mental Health: What We Choose to Tend to, Grows

“My experience is what I agree to attend to. Only those things which I notice shape my mind.”

– William James

Mental health and wellbeing are inextricably linked—each influencing and being influenced by the other. As a positive psychology practitioner and wellbeing strategist, I’ve come to understand that the state of our wellbeing is both a reflection of our mental health and a powerful lever to improve it.

The PERMA Model: Our Personal Dashboard

One foundational model I use in coaching is PERMA, developed by the father of Positive Psychology Dr. Martin Seligman, which provides a helpful dashboard for wellbeing:

• Positive Emotion

• Engagement

• Relationships

• Mattering

• Accomplishment

While we may not always have control over the presence of joy or happiness in a given moment, I work with clients daily to intentionally co-create strategies that increase engagement, strengthen relationships, cultivate a sense of mattering, and recognize accomplishment. These domains give us agency—small shifts in focus can lead to significant mental and emotional returns.

My Own Reflection: Tending to the Right Things

After five years of growing Koi Coaching & Consulting, my engagement scores are high—I love the work I do and can easily lose myself in it. I’ve built infrastructure, strengthened financial systems, refined communications, and most importantly, supported dozens of purpose-driven leaders.

I also feel a deep sense of mattering in the work—clients feel seen, heard, and better resourced. The work we do together is valued. And while I can name many accomplishments, I’ve come to see that relationships—the area I’ve had to fight to protect—needs more care.

Lately, I’ve felt the impact of sacrifices in personal relationships. Noticing this, I’m intentionally designing a “sabbatical” this summer—not to slow down, but to realign. To innovate with energy, to build with sustainability, and to re-anchor myself in connection. Like my orchids, which recently bloomed after a year of quiet tending, I know growth comes when we choose to nourish the parts we’ve set aside. My orchid garden has accumulated over the years, once they stopped blooming, I pruned them and set them outside- forgetting about them. And they never rebloomed. It was not until this year, a friend shared their routine and I adopted a Saturday morning ritual of tending to them that I was surprised to see a first ever rebloom. (Don’t give up, it can happen). 

This summer marks my fifth year spending time in Connecticut with my family—a tradition rooted in nostalgia, rec st, and togetherness. Every year, we recreate the memories I grew up with: cousins laughing on the lawn, family dinners, the slow rhythm of summer days. And yet, each year, there’s been something—client reschedules, urgent Zoom calls, sessions taken in rental cars on the way from the airport, and even writing my capstone research paper in between beach walks. If you asked my family, they’d lovingly tell you: “She’s always working.” This summer, though, feels different. My grandmother will be turning 89, and this time with her—and with all of them—is something I treasure deeply. With no family where we live in Florida, these few weeks together each year feel even more sacred. What’s meant to be restorative time often becomes a blurred line between presence and productivity. This year, I’m committed to changing that—not just stepping away from the laptop, but stepping fully into what this season is meant to be: a time to restore, reconnect, and reimagine what sustainable success really looks like.

The Power of Attention and Habit

Behavioral scientists Wendy Wood and David Neal remind us that long-term change stems from a dual focus: breaking unhealthy patterns while establishing supportive ones. In coaching, this means examining your systems, energy drains, and unexamined “defaults”—then gradually replacing them with new practices aligned with your desired future.

This is where I personally use diagnostic tools -  Asking myself:?

• Am I managing my energy and calendar with intention?

• Are my client relationships aligned with my values and genius?

• Do I have the systems and support to scale sustainably?

• Am I investing in both growth and rest?

These questions help me (and you too) move from reacting to designing.

Relationships and the Art of Minding

In the Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology, Harvey and Pauwels introduced the concept of minding—a reciprocal process that sustains close relationships. It includes:

• Knowing and being known

• Respect and acceptance

• Reciprocity and continuity

Minding requires presence. It requires asking, listening, and investing time—not unlike coaching itself. As I reflect on the relationships I want to strengthen, I’m reminded of actor Paul Newman’s secret to his long marriage: “Lust, respect, and determination.” It’s true of love, but it’s also true of leadership- of building something from the group up. 

🌱 A Call to Reflection

This Mental Health Awareness Month, I invite you to notice your dashboard. Where are you flourishing? What needs more attention? What rituals, systems, or relationships could you tend to more intentionally? How might the diagnostic tool serve you? 

You don’t need to overhaul everything. You just need to start watering your orchids—regularly, with care.

Because what you choose to notice, grows.