We're Not Ok, And That's Ok

I have a confession to make: I haven't felt like myself lately. I'm tired and more than a little cranky and my children will tell you that my temper and tolerance for nonsense is decidedly shorter. I feel stressed over things that would never even have registered on my stress radar before. Some days, I feel like the walls are closing in and when I'm done working, I run outside to look at the sunset. I feel an almost physical craving to be under an open sky with no barriers and no walls.

I've had a few conversations about this and I've discovered that many people I'm connected with are feeling similarly. There is a general malaise, a "COVID-fatigue" that's permeating everything. People are feeling overworked, overwhelmed, stressed, and short-tempered. The days have been blurring together for what feels like forever now.

We're crammed together with our families and while the quality time is definitely nice, the downside is a healthy lack of daily distance. One of my colleagues recently said, "Why ask, 'How was your day?' when you can clearly hear your spouse's phone calls in the next room?"

And honestly, if this all we're facing, we're pretty darn lucky. I'm fortunate to be gainfully employed and my family is healthy. I have a house to live in and nutritious food to eat. I live in a place where people come to vacation. There's abundant sunshine, sugar sand beaches, balmy weather and plenty of outdoor activities.

But the daily reality for many of us is that the novelty of meeting everyone's pets has worn off. The extroverts and road warriors amongst us miss the airports and the free upgrades, the energy in the room, and the face to face human connections. My introvert friends are feeling the pain of being "on" all the time in video meetings. I'm not an introvert and frankly I'm starting to feel it too.

There is a whole new landscape to navigate devoid of the full picture that in-person meetings provide. Not to mention full of new questions, phrases and tech glitches. How do I make myself heard in meetings when it's hard to know when it's appropriate to talk? Did I freeze again? The days almost feel like one long zoom call, "You're on mute."

Now that many of us are working from home, there is no travel time between meetings or short breaks throughout the day. We're using video constantly and the art of the phone call or the "just swing by my office and we'll grab a coffee" is mostly gone.

In talking about this and acknowledging it, we can give our colleagues the empathy, grace, and the support they need. So the next time you're chatting with your family, your friends or a colleague, dig deeper.

Instead, try asking, "How are you doing, really?" I've found that asking the question that way garners a much deeper response than " I'm fine."

Then ask, "What can I do to help?"

I'm learning about the daily struggles and challenges that people are facing and in my HR role, I'm uniquely positioned to help. It's led to deeper and more meaningful conversations with my leaders and peers.

Recently, one of the leaders that I support passed away suddenly. Once I processed the shock, I recalled some of our last conversations. He was so loved in our community and our organization and one of the many reasons was because he cared deeply about others. He called, he checked in, he kept in touch. He asked real questions and took an interest in their growth and development. And whenever possible, he helped.

When I think of him, I'm reminded of an Emily Dickinson quote, "Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality."

So if you're struggling with your "new normal," take comfort in knowing that you're not alone. Reach out for help when you need it, talk to your village, communicate with others. Try to help whenever you can, even if all you can do is listen.

We're not ok, and that's ok. But, we can help each other.