What is it like to run a business while managing Borderline Personality Disorder?

For the past few months, I have been working with some amazing people to get Bossa Health off the ground. Bossa is my passion. I have the expertise to continue building its structure, its vision comes from personal experience, and the delivery relies on the support of many who have offered advice, listened when I felt lost, and stood by me throughout. People have come to me with congratulations. They tell me how passionate I am, how determined I seem. They see someone who has the strength to handle it all. And in some ways, they are not entirely wrong. But building something from the ground up is exhausting. It constantly makes you question your choices, your intelligence, the complexity of your thinking. It creates the feeling that you have to read everything you can because you are supposed to know it all.

It is draining. And beyond that, it is stressful. It pushes you to believe that your business should be your only priority, that its success should come before anything else. It becomes easy to deprioritise your health, to treat it as secondary, because “you are working on something bigger, and you have to give it your all.” The truth is, this all comes at a cost. In my case, it has triggered many of the difficult emotions and patterns I have lived with since childhood through BPD.

It is hard to explain what that means. And just as hard for others to understand it. When I describe the symptoms, people often try to relate saying, “everyone feels like that.” But the challenge is not simply how I feel, it is how intensely I feel it. For the most part, I manage it. I have the tools to help with the more extreme behaviours. But the repetitive thoughts and intense emotions are hard to control. They do not just go away because I want them to. So I have to find ways to live with them, without letting them take over.

It is not easy. I isolate myself because I feel like I am being smothered by others. I get angry at well-meaning messages asking how I am. Even caring or thoughtful texts feel like too much. At the same time, there are moments where, out of the blue, I start to feel extremely happy and in need to be around people. Suddenly I am making two or three plans a day, every day of the week. Everything becomes intense. I cannot fall asleep unless I am completely exhausted. My thoughts repeat endlessly, or shift into other unhealthy patterns. I cannot focus. And the worst part is that all of this continues for weeks, sometimes months, all while feeling completely empty inside. I run on autopilot.

But autopilot has a limit.

While dealing with all of this internally, I still need to meet with people, develop business strategies, and deliver tasks on time. Usually, I am good at that, I have had years of practice. But eventually, it catches up with you. The lack of focus, the delayed tasks. Even cancelled calls feel like a relief because being on a call means having to focus, contribute, push aside everything I am feeling, and deliver.

Deliver, deliver, deliver.

Managing this while trying to take care of yourself and keep delivering is a challenge. What helps is the passion. For me, it helps to know that I am working on something meaningful. I want people who experience symptoms like mine to get timely support. Because waiting for months for help is awful. So when I feel like I am losing control, I remind myself to check in. I go outside for fresh air, eat more mindfully, and return to the techniques and tools I have learned to help stabilise my emotions. And they work. They really do.

Am I always successful? No. In fact, certainly not. There are still times I fall into autopilot. But with time, patience, and support from the people around me, I start to feel better. I start to feel more in control, of my emotions, of my life. I remember to prioritise my health, which obviously includes my mental health. I remember why I started this in the first place.

You might be wondering why I am writing this. It is not a diary entry, a confession, or a vent. This is the reality for many people, whether they are in high-pressure roles, in leadership positions, just starting out, or in entirely different circumstances. It can be really hard to juggle work and daily life while feeling completely unsettled inside.

I do not have a neat conclusion. This is not something that will disappear tomorrow. It is part of my life, and I work on it actively. Sometimes it is hard. Sometimes I forget about my wellbeing. But with what I have learned in therapy, my medications, my goals, and the support of the people around me, it becomes manageable.

It is a difficult challenge, but it is one I or anyone with BPD or other mental health challenges can tackle.