What Motivates Me: A Lesson That Took 20 Years to Understand

When I was 18 years old, I was living in Ireland young, a little lost, and unsure of what lay ahead. Like many at that age, I didn’t have a clear path or purpose. I had just finished school, working part-time, playing rugby for Dolphin U20’s and felt the pressure to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I was searching for something or someone to help me find direction.

One weekend, I attended a family wedding. It was a lively affair filled with laughter, music, and celebration, a typical Irish wedding. That night, I found myself talking to my Mum’s brother, Jim. He was someone I had always admired a true self-made man. Jim had the kind of presence that made you listen. To me, he was larger than life. He was successful, respected, and deeply loved by my Mum.

After we chatted for a bit, he said something that stayed with me: “Come see me at my office Monday morning. Let’s talk properly and see how I can help you.”

I could hardly sleep that Sunday night. The idea that someone like him wanted to guide me was overwhelming. I imagined he might offer me a job, or maybe point me toward a career I’d never considered.

I showed up at his office on Monday morning, dressed in the best clothes I had. I was nervous, excited, and ready to impress. Jim sat behind a large desk, the kind you’d expect a CEO to have. He greeted me warmly, then leaned forward and asked just one question:

“What motivates you?”

I paused, trying to think of the right thing to say but I gave the honest answer most 18-year-olds might:

“Money.”

There was silence for a second. Then he looked me in the eye and said:

“Come back when you know the right answer.”

And that was it. The meeting was over.

I was shocked. I left that office feeling embarrassed and disappointed. But more than anything, I was confused. Why wasn’t “money” the right answer? Isn’t that why people work to earn a living, to become successful?

Over the years, I thought about that moment often. It nagged at me. It wasn’t until two decades later that I understood.

At 38, I was back in Ireland for another family occasion. Jim was there again, older but still sharp as ever. I approached him after dinner and said:

“Uncle Jim, do you have time to meet Monday morning? I think I finally have an answer to your question.”

He didn’t even have to ask which question. He remembered. We met that Monday, just like we had twenty years before. This time, when he asked me:

“What motivates you?” I answered without hesitation:

“Fear. Fear that I won’t be able to provide for my family. Fear that I’ll fall short of my potential. Fear that I won’t be the best at what I do. Just plain Fear.”

He nodded slowly, smiled, and said:

“Okay. Now let’s have a real conversation about how I can help you.”

That moment changed everything for me. It wasn’t just about having an answer it was about having lived enough life to understand the question.

Since then, I’ve carried that experience with me in everything I do especially when I mentor young professionals. When recent graduates or early-career employees ask for advice, I tell them this story.

Because money will come. But money is a byproduct, not a purpose.

Real motivation the kind that fuels long nights, tough decisions, and personal growth comes from something deeper. It comes from responsibility, from fear of failing the people who count on you, from a drive to be better than you were yesterday.

If you're just starting out and unsure of your path, that's okay. But don’t chase money chase growth, chase excellence, chase impact. And above all, find the real reason that gets you up every morning. Because once you know that, the rest falls into place