What We Stand For

In our house we strive to:

• Work hard at everything we do

• Be kind and loving to all people

• Lead with honesty, courage and passion

• Get the most out of every day of our lives

• Have fun!

• Love each other through every situation

These words have been affixed to our family’s refrigerator or wall for 20 years under the heading “What We Stand For.” They’re handwritten on paper that is slightly wrinkled. My wife, son, daughter and I wrote them as part of our family mission when my son was eight and my daughter was six. My wife and I still look at them every day. It’s a kind of family Magna Carta.

For our family, these words have stood the test of time as a durable North Star. In a nutshell, they represent who we strive to be and what is most important to us. It is how we measure success and how we make choices. They've helped us navigate good times and bad. In any situation, win or lose, the question is whether we stayed true to our values.

When we’ve faced challenges over the last two decades, we’ve asked questions like:

• Was that action kind to the other person involved?

• Did I serve myself or serve others?

• In this situation, what would a leader do?

• Did we give our very best, regardless of outcome?

• If we were courageous, what would we do?

Sometimes I’ve fallen short. I believe courage is important but, at times, I’ve been less courageous or let fear play too strong a role. I strive to live life to the fullest but have often taken work too seriously and forgot to appreciate the moment. Too often, I worry about things that, in retrospect, were not that big a deal. It is a never-ending journey.

As a family, I think we’ve done reasonably well against our North Star. In many ways, my kids have embodied these values more fully than me. These days, they often inspire me. But I’ve tried my best to be a good model for them in my actions.

To be clear, there is no right or wrong to these words. Other families will choose different words and value different things. These are simply our values and the choices we have made. It’s ultimately about putting a stake in the ground about who you are, whatever that is, and then seek to live by it.

Professionally, there are other principles that play a guiding role in my work, such as customer-centricity, bias for action, curiosity and team-first.

Similarly to families, the highest performing organizations have clearly stated values that transcend words on a page. It’s how they conduct themselves in things great and small. The best are obsessed and idiosyncratic in pursuit of their North Star. They have become admired around the world for living their values.

Amazon’s 1997 shareholder letter is one of those documents. Years before Amazon crafted its leadership principles, it told the world how it would operate, stressing long-term thinking, customer obsession and invention. Similarly, the Navy Seals, often cited as a high-performance organization, state their values in the Seal Creed, emphasizing integrity, humility, discipline and team mentality.

Again, completely different values for completely different organizations with different missions. They are idiosyncratic and not for everyone. But, for each of us as leaders, the foundational questions are:

• What do we stand for?

• Can we articulate this simply and clearly?

• Do we embody these values in the actions we take and choices we make? Are we willing to make hard choices in pursuit of them?

• Most critically, when the chips are down, do we adhere to these values?

• Would others describe us this way?

In my view, this is the true measure of life and success. Imagine the following scenario:

You’ve flashed forward a few decades. You’re in a reflective mode thinking about how you’ve conducted your life. Imagine that in front of you are two books.

Book One is filled with worthy achievements. These are promotions, career milestones, graduations, athletic accomplishments, awards and accolades. Author David Brooks calls these “resume virtues.” These are important. Many of us, including me, spend a good amount of time writing Book One.

Book Two is the inner scorecard, the personal reckoning. It’s an honest accounting of how well we lived up to our values. This is often less visible on resumes or LinkedIn profiles. It is indifferent to job title, size of house, income, car we drive or clothes we wear. Brooks calls these “eulogy virtues.”

I first learned Book Two values as a child, as many of us do. My Uncle Bruce and Aunt Dottie, a lobster fisherman and teacher, taught me hard work. My Uncle Wes and Aunt Diane taught me generosity. Books about King, Mandela, Churchill and Lincoln taught me the true meaning of leadership.

For me, the chapters of Book Two will provide an honest accounting of the following:

• Was I most often guided by kindness for others? Was I selfish or giving?

• Did I give my best to the people and things I committed to?

• Did I act with courage, even when I was scared?

• Did I act with love toward the people around me, in the best times and the worst ones?

• Did I make the most of the precious time I had?

In the end, we’ll all read our Book Two and come to terms with whether we met the mark and where we fell short. Like all of us, my manuscript is unfinished. I hold pen in hand. I can still shape the story I will tell.

My encouragement:

As leaders, we need to put a stake in the ground on what we stand for. We need to write it down and pin it to the wall. We need to look at it every day. We should measure our actions against it, even and especially when it is inconvenient or uncomfortable.

I believe we all can write a worthy Book One and Book Two. We can fill the first book with worthy and meaningful career and life accomplishments and accolades. But, in the end, I believe it’s Book Two that matters most, the one we will measure ourselves against in the end and where we will have the greatest satisfaction or greatest regrets.

As we write Book One with vigor in our busy lives, we should stay vigilant about Book Two. We should ensure it is one we will be proud to read.

It starts with asking: “What do I stand for?”