When Bad News Saves Your Wallet
In ancient times, kings were known to kill messengers who brought bad news. It didn’t matter whether the news was true or even inevitable—if it displeased the ruler, the messenger’s head rolled. This brutal instinct may feel outdated, but the psychology behind it is still alive in all of us today.
Robert Cialdini, in his classic book Influence, explains this through the psychology of association. As humans, we tend to connect our feelings to the people or situations that deliver them. If a message brings us joy, we like the messenger. If a message brings us discomfort, we resent the one who carried it—even if they had nothing to do with the cause. The kings weren’t really angry at the messenger; they were angry at the message. But by killing the bearer of bad news, they also killed their chance of survival.
This same dynamic quietly plays out in our personal finances. Many people avoid opening their bank statements because they associate them with stress or embarrassment. The piece of paper or the app hasn’t harmed them, but it brings an uncomfortable truth, so they push it away. Others resist listening to a financial advisor, a spouse, or even a friend who points out overspending or poor money choices. The feedback itself could help, but because it comes wrapped in discomfort, we treat the person delivering it as the problem.
On the other side, marketers exploit this psychology to their advantage. Luxury brands pair their products with images of success, beauty, and admiration. Credit card companies associate their offers with rewards, travel, and comfort. Because these messages feel good, we develop positive feelings toward the product—even if using it leads us into debt or drains our savings. We are, in a way, rewarding the “messenger” without checking whether the message itself is in our best interest.
The challenge is to separate the message from the messenger. Just because the truth stings doesn’t mean the person who delivered it is your enemy. And just because a purchase feels exciting doesn’t mean it’s wise. A budget showing overspending isn’t trying to shame you—it’s helping you course-correct. A friend warning you about reckless spending isn’t being negative—they’re trying to protect your future.
Kings who punished bad news often lost their kingdoms. In the same way, people who avoid financial truth risk losing their wealth and independence. The healthier path is to welcome the messenger, even when the news is hard to hear. Because in money, as in life, ignoring reality doesn’t make it disappear—it only makes it worse.