When Silence Burns... Where’s the Line Between Protecting a Home and Burying Your Soul?

Reham ElHawary ريهام الهواري THE MIND ARCHITECT™

✍️ By: Reham El Hawary – The Mind Architect™ Specialist in Behavioral Analysis & Organizational Psychology

This article is inspired by my interview with journalist Basma Mohamed for Youm7 Newspaper, titled: “TV Series ‘Faat El Meaad’ — Where Should a Wife Draw the Line on Hiding Her Home’s Secrets?” Published on Wednesday, July 2, 2025 – 10:00 a.m. 📎 Link to the original article (in Arabic)

🎭 The Inner Conflict Behind "Just Stay Quiet"

A woman finds herself torn between two voices: • One says, “Stay quiet, she’s older, wiser, and wants to protect your home.” • The other screams, “But I’m hurting… my body aches, and my heart is breaking.”

Silence is not always golden. Sometimes, it's an invisible tax we pay with our peace, body, and dignity.

❓Why Do We Stay Silent?

1. Fear of ruining the husband’s image in front of family: “What if we make up? How will they treat him?”
2. Fear of a second heartbreak: “What if I tell my parents and they don’t support me… or worse, tell me to endure it?”
3. Inherited programming: “I grew up in a house where this was normal… maybe this is just how it is.”
4. Fear of being shamed: “They’ll say I’m ungrateful. People will gossip.”

🎭 The Scene Inside Her Mind

When the mother-in-law told Basma: “Don’t tell your family. Keep problems between you two.” It sparked a wave of fear and confusion within her.

First came the denial and self-doubt. “Maybe she’s right… maybe I’m overreacting.” This is what we call in psychology: Cognitive Dissonance That painful tension between what you feel is wrong and what society tells you is normal.

Then came the self-blame. “Did I provoke him? Maybe I pushed him too far?” That’s the beginning of Normalization of Abuse — Where pain is rationalized, and harm becomes "part of life."

And finally, the defense. “He’s not always like that… he was just tired.” This is how some women develop Stockholm Syndrome (commonly miscalled Helsinki), where the abused forms emotional attachment to the abuser and starts justifying the harm.

🤯 And all of this… happens in complete silence.

A deadly silence. Not by conscious choice, but because there’s no safety— neither inside the home nor outside it.

💬 So When Should You Speak Up? And How?

• When you're calm—don’t speak at the height of your anger. • When you seek healing—not revenge. • When you choose someone who listens—not judges. • When silence becomes unbearable and starts to dissolve your sense of self.

🚨 When Must You Speak Up Immediately?

• If there is repeated physical abuse • If there are threats of harm • If the psychological toll is deep • If you start feeling like you’re disappearing in the relationship

📣 My Message to You:

What happens in your home is not shameful if it’s hurting you. The real shame is letting yourself collapse inside just to avoid “upsetting others.”

Say it to yourself, out loud if you need to: “I deserve safety. I deserve respect. I’m not obligated to stay silent to prove I was raised well.”

🧠 Psychological Terms Mentioned:

Term

Explanation

Cognitive Dissonance

Inner conflict between what you feel and what society or upbringing tells you

Normalization of Abuse

Becoming desensitized to harm and treating it as normal due to repetition

Stockholm Syndrome

A psychological state where the victim bonds with the abuser and defends them

📚 References:

1. Why Does He Do That? – Lundy Bancroft
2. The Dance of Anger – Harriet Lerner
3. The Body Keeps the Score – Bessel van der Kolk
4. WHO Study – Violence Against Women (2021)
5. FBI Law Bulletin – Stockholm Syndrome

🔖 #RehamElHawary #TheMindArchitect #ToxicRelationships #FaatElMeaad #SilenceIsNotPeace #DignityIsNotLuxury #PsychologicalSafety #PowerOfChoice