When Success Keeps You Awake at 3AM

Last week, we talked about surviving layoffs. This week, let's talk about what success actually feels like when you are trapped inside it.

You have checked all the boxes:

• The title that sounds impressive at reunions
• The salary that covers the mortgage and school fees
• The responsibilities that prove you have "made it"

But here's what they don't put on LinkedIn: Success at this level means you can't afford to fail. Ever.

The 3 AM math is brutal:

Your lifestyle needs your salary. Your salary needs your job. Your job needs you to perform. Performance needs you to pretend everything's fine. Pretending everything's fine is why you are awake at 3 AM.

You have built a life that requires the exact job that's killing you.

The success trap has three locks:

1. Golden handcuffs The salary you earned through years of grinding now owns you. Private school fees, mortgage on the decent flat, aging parents' medical bills – walking away means failing everyone who depends on you.

2. Identity fusion Somewhere along the way, you became your job. "I'm a Director at..." isn't just what you do – it's who you are. Losing it would mean losing yourself.

3. The competence curse You're genuinely good at what you do. Walking away feels like waste. "Just a few more years," you tell yourself. "Just until..."

Here's the truth about 3 AM:

It's not anxiety. It's clarity.

At 3 AM, without the noise of meetings and emails, you see it clearly: You are successful and miserable. Accomplished and empty. Winning and losing simultaneously.

Your insomnia isn't a bug – it's a feature. It's your authentic self trying to get your attention while your daytime persona is offline.

What helps (beyond the obvious "quit your job" that you can't do):

1. Name the trap "I'm successful AND trapped" – both can be true. Stop trying to feel grateful for a situation that is slowly breaking you.

2. Calculate the real number What do you ACTUALLY need to maintain basic stability? Not comfort – survival. The number is usually lower than you think.

3. Create micro-rebellions Can't quit? Take real lunch breaks. Leave at 6 PM once a week. Small acts of defiance remind you that you still have choices.

4. Start the shadow work Build something – anything – outside of work. A skill, a network, a side project. You need proof that you exist beyond your job title.

5. Set an expiration date "I'll do this forever" is unbearable. "I'll do this for 2 more years while I build my exit" is manageable.

Remember: Success isn't supposed to feel like a prison. If your achievements are keeping you awake at 3 AM, they are not achievements – they are anchors.

Next week: "The Breadwinner's Dilemma" – When everyone's counting on you, but you are counting the days

What does your 3 AM mind tell you? Reply and share. Everything stays between us.

P.S. For those who want more than weekly insights, I offer private coaching for executives facing these challenges. If you're curious about how coaching could help, let's talk.