Why Coaching Feels Heavy for Managers—And What Helps

Since the post-COVID reset, more organisations have started investing in their managers—not just to rebuild, but to help them lead in an increasingly complex and fast-changing world. We used to talk about leading in a VUCA world—volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous. Now, it’s evolved into what many call a BANI world: one that feels brittle, anxious, non-linear, and sometimes downright incomprehensible.

Over the past four years, I’ve had the privilege of training close to two thousand managers in coaching skills. Across industries and roles, I’ve seen firsthand the struggles leaders face in shifting from giving answers to guiding growth. As defined by the International Coaching Federation (ICF), coaching isn’t about being the expert. It’s about partnering with others in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximise their potential.

And yet, while many managers want to be better coaches, the reality of busy workloads, team dynamics, and personal habits can get in the way. In this piece, I’ll share why becoming a coaching manager is worth the effort, the common challenges managers face (you're not alone!), and practical ways to make coaching work — even when it feels hard. Along the way, I’ll share anonymised success stories from the programme to show how managers have made the leap to coach their teams – with impressive results.

The Benefits of Being a Coaching Manager

The benefits of coaching are backed by countless global studies—and if you’re reading this, you probably know most of them. So rather than rehash what’s already out there, here’s a quick summary before we dive into the real challenge: making it work at work.

1. Stronger performance: Teams led with a coaching mindset report higher morale and productivity.
2. Greater autonomy: Coaching helps team members develop problem-solving skills, reducing the need for micromanagement.
3. Retention and trust: Employees are more likely to stay—and grow—when they feel seen, supported, and stretched.
4. Time saved long-term: Managers who coach find themselves spending less time firefighting and more time focusing on strategic priorities.

Why Managers Struggle to Coach (Real Challenges)

If being a coaching manager is so beneficial, why isn’t everyone doing it? In reality, plenty of managers want to coach but find it very hard to put into practice. I’ve heard the same pain points come up again and again. Here are some of the most common challenges voiced by managers, in their own words:

1. Differing values and motivations: “How do I motivate someone who doesn’t share my drive? I have team members who value work–life balance over just getting the job done. If they’re content doing the bare minimum and logging off, how do I get them to go the extra mile?” It’s frustrating when a manager’s personal work ethic clashes with an employee’s priorities or lifestyle. Differences in values – for example, a manager who thrives on hustle vs. an employee who prioritises boundaries – can make coaching and motivating that person feel like uphill task.
2. Perceived attitude gaps in effort: “Some on my team just do enough to get by, while others give 110%. The attitude gap is huge. I try to inspire the slackers to take more ownership, but I keep hitting a wall.” Many leaders worry about team members who lack initiative. When you have a mix of high achievers and passive “quiet quitters,” it’s challenging to coach each fairly. Managers often end up labelling certain employees as not proactive, which can create tension and disappointment on both sides.
3. Burnout and lack of time or energy: “I know coaching is important, but I’m exhausted. We’re under a resource crunch, my team is inexperienced, and I barely have time to breathe – never mind coach. I’m so stretched thin that I don’t have the patience for those open-ended coaching conversations.” This feeling is widespread. In fact, managers today are often more burned out than their teams, caught between higher-ups’ demands and their employees’ needs. When you’re in survival mode, coaching falls to the bottom of the priority list. It’s hard to be a nurturing coach when you’re running on empty yourself.
4. Habit of jumping in with solutions: “As a manager I’m trained to solve problems as fast as possible. It’s almost reflex – my team comes to me for help, and I immediately tell them what to do. I want to coach and let them figure it out, but holding back my own solutions is so hard!” Managers often got promoted by being great problem-solvers. So it’s natural that when a report struggles, your first instinct is to fix it for them. Telling is quicker than coaching – in the moment, at least. Breaking the “let me solve it” habit feels uncomfortable, especially under tight deadlines. Many leaders worry that coaching (asking questions) will take too long when an answer is needed now.
5. No role models (and no personal experience of being coached): “I’ve never actually been coached by any of my managers – I only ever had mentors who gave me advice. So I don’t really know what good coaching looks like. This is a big one: you can’t blame managers for struggling with coaching if they’ve never experienced it themselves. A lot of leaders have grown up in directive or mentorship-based cultures, not coaching cultures. It’s hard to trust a new approach that you’ve never seen modelled. Little wonder that nearly 70% of managers admit they do no coaching at all with their teams. Common reasons include not knowing how, not having time, and never having been coached by their own managers. Without senior leaders visibly practicing coaching, managers down the line may fear it’s just the flavour-of-the-month buzzword rather than a truly supported practice.

If some of these challenges resonate with you, rest assured you’re not alone – and there are ways to get past these hurdles. Let’s look at how managers can reframe these struggles and find practical strategies to become more of a coach, even in a tough environment.

How to Make Coaching Work Easier

Overcoming the challenges above starts with a mindset shift and some strategic tweaks to your approach. Here are strategies to help you become a coaching manager despite the obstacles:

1) Bridge the Values Gap with Empathy and Alignment

When team members have different priorities or work styles, start by meeting them where they are. Rather than viewing a team member’s firm work-life boundaries or "quiet quitting" mindset as lacking ambition, try to understand what they value. They may prize family time, personal learning, or simply feel respected. Show that you respect their boundaries – for example, ensure you're not rewarding only those who stay late (which can inadvertently encourage overwork and burnout). Instead, align work with their drivers: ask about their career goals or what projects excite them, and find opportunities that tap into those interests. Also, don't underestimate the power of recognition – when people feel appreciated for their good work, they're often willing to stretch a bit more.

For instance, one manager in our program (let's call her Sarah) struggled with a team member who always declined “overtime” and seemed disengaged. In our sessions, Sarah realised that this employee deeply valued professional growth and personal time – he wasn't lazy; he just refused to let work consume his life. So, she shifted tactics: in one-on-ones, she discussed his long-term aspirations and started assigning him projects aligned with the skills he wanted to develop. She also made a point to acknowledge his achievements during team meetings. The change was remarkable – he became more enthusiastic and even volunteered to lead a new initiative (during regular hours). Sarah motivated him on his terms by respecting his work-life boundaries while connecting work to his personal goals. The "extra mile" looked different for him than for her, but he began going further when he felt his values were understood.

2) Start Small: Integrate Coaching into Daily Work

If you're feeling too busy or burnt out to coach, the key is to weave coaching into existing interactions rather than seeing it as a substantial additional task. You don't need an hour-long formal session to coach someone – you can do it in five-minute bites. For example, in your next check-in or when a team member asks a question, take a brief coaching approach: instead of immediately solving it, ask, "I have some ideas, and I would like to hear your thoughts first. What do you think might be the best approach here?" This turns a quick exchange into a learning moment without derailing your schedule. Over time, these micro-coaching moments add up. Your team will start anticipating your questions and come prepared with potential solutions, which can shorten future discussions.

Also, prioritise coaching with your high-leverage team members – maybe your direct reports or the mentees who often seek guidance. Investing coaching time in them can pay back by reducing how usually they come to you for help. One overwhelmed manager, James, came into my program convinced he "had no time to coach." I challenged him to start small with a 30-day bite-size challenge: for example, in his next team meeting, ask each person one open-ended question about a project instead of telling everyone what to do. James tried this, and though it felt slow at first, he saw his team members began to share their ideas and talk more versus a typical monologue. In a few weeks, team members solved minor issues independently instead of dumping them on James's desk.

He told us that coaching in small doses saved him time – he was firefighting less because his people had learned to handle more themselves. The lesson: even if you're stretched thin, a little coaching can gradually expand your capacity by building your team's capability.

(Tip: If burnout is a serious issue, don't hesitate to communicate that up the chain. Senior leaders and HR need to know when managers have no capacity to coach. Adjustments like workload redistribution or additional support can create the breathing room needed for development conversations. Remember, a manager running on fumes can't coach well – it's okay to ask for help, you are not incompetent!)

3) Ask Instead of Tell – and Reap the Long-Term Rewards

Holding back your own solutions is tough when you're used to being the fixer. It helps to remember why coaching-by-questions is worth the initial patience. When you offer immediate advice, you might solve the problem faster this time, but you risk creating a cycle of dependency. Team member learn that they should come to you for the answer whenever they're unsure, adding more to your plate in the long run. On the other hand, when you ask guiding questions and let them arrive at a solution, you're teaching them to think critically. Yes, the first few times might take longer or feel awkward, but the payoff is a team that can problem-solve without hand-holding. People often develop solutions that are as good as (or better than) what we managers would have prescribed. Your job as a coach is not to provide all the answers but to empower your team to find their own answers – like the old saying about teaching a person to fish instead of giving them a fish.

To make this easier, try biting your tongue in your following conversation – count to five before responding. In that pause, prompt them to share their thoughts. This signals that you trust their capability. When they come up with a good idea, reinforce it: "That's a great approach – go ahead and try it," which builds their confidence. If they're stuck, rather than jumping in with "Here's what we'll do," ask something like, "What outcome are we aiming for?" or "What's the biggest obstacle you see?" to spark their thinking in a direction. Coaching unlocks your team's hidden potential, but you'll only see it if you give them the chance to shine. As you practice this, it gets easier to hold back the urge to tell – especially once you start enjoying the relief of not always having all the answers!

4) Get Coaching (and Role Models) for Yourself

If you've never been on the receiving end of coaching, it's hard to grasp its value truly. Many managers in our sessions admitted they were sceptical about coaching until they experienced it. So, seek out opportunities to be coached – this could mean asking your manager to take a more coaching approach with you, finding a mentor or peer skilled in coaching, or even getting a professional coach if your organisation provides one. When coaching helps you grow (versus just being told what to do), you build faith and can authentically pay it to your team. In our program, we often pair up managers to practice coaching each other on fundamental issues; those who embrace this peer coaching usually become the most vigorous advocates because they see results in their work and stress levels. 

If you're a senior leader or HR professional, model the coaching behaviour you want to see. Managers take cues from the top. When upper management regularly engages in coaching conversations – asking their team's open questions, listening actively, and encouraging ideas – it sends a clear message that coaching isn't just a buzzword. It shows that taking time to develop others is valued in our culture. Research suggests leaders should champion coaching initiatives and practice coaching skills to create an authentic coaching culture.

Being A Coaching Manager, One Step at a Time

Becoming a coaching manager is a journey – one that transforms your team's potential and your own leadership experience. Yes, it takes effort to unlearn old habits and address the challenges (whether motivating a "quiet quitter," finding time to coach or resisting the urge to dictate solutions). But the payoff is a more engaged, capable, and motivated team and a manager who isn't carrying the whole load on their shoulders. As I've seen, even small changes can make a big difference.

Start with one or two tactics: commit to asking at least one question before offering advice in your following conversation, or schedule a 15-minute weekly check-in purely to coach a promising team member. Over time, these little coaching moments will become more natural. Remember that you don't have to do it alone, either. Encourage a coaching culture in your organisation: HR can provide training or coaching resources, and senior leaders can reinforce it by permitting managers to prioritise people development, not just immediate output.

Above all, keep an empathetic mindset. Coaching is ultimately an act of care – showing your people that you believe in them and are willing to invest time to help them grow. When managers lead with a coach's mindset, employees notice the difference in support and trust. The result is better performance and a more positive workplace for everyone.

So the next time you feel the urge to be the manager with all the answers, take a breath and lean into your inner coach. Your team is full of potential waiting to be unlocked – and you might be surprised at how much you gain when you help others realise their capabilities. Empowering others is one of the most rewarding parts of leadership. Ultimately, when your team wins, you win too – and that's the true power of being a coaching manager.