Why Emotional Intelligence Is the Key to Transforming Your Classroom

Let’s dive straight into something that’s not talked about nearly enough in the world of teaching: emotional intelligence. It’s a huge aspect of following a non-punitive, trauma-informed approach in the classroom, yet it often flies under the radar. Lori Desautels says that relational discipline, which is also brain-aligned, begins with an adult brain that feels safe and still. But how often do we, as educators, actually focus on our own mental and emotional well-being?

The Importance of Emotional Intelligence in Teaching

Emotional intelligence is more than just a buzzword. It’s the ability to understand, use, and manage your emotions in an effective way. This is crucial for relieving stress, communicating effectively, empathising with others, overcoming challenges, and diffusing conflicts—basically, everything you need to be a calm, connected, and compassionate teacher. Building your emotional intelligence doesn’t just improve your teaching practice; it transforms your entire life.

If you’re not familiar with the components of emotional intelligence, they include self-regulation, self-awareness, social skills, motivation, and empathy. These are not just nice-to-haves; they are fundamental to becoming the kind of teacher who can support children’s behaviours in the classroom with kindness and compassion.

Why We Aren’t Taught This (And Why It’s a Problem)

Here’s the kicker: it’s not your fault if you don’t know much about emotional intelligence or self-regulation. These topics are rarely, if ever, covered in our university courses or professional training. I’ve been in the system since 2011, and it’s only in the last 4 years that I’ve really delved into these concepts.

This lack of focus on emotional intelligence is a big contributor to teacher burnout. Without self-awareness, we’re unaware of how our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours impact our interactions with students. Many of us run on autopilot, driven by subconscious stories and limiting beliefs that we’ve carried since childhood. These beliefs shape how we show up in the classroom and in life, often leading to disengagement, lack of enthusiasm, and burnout.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

We all tell ourselves stories—narratives that we’ve developed over time based on our childhood, painful experiences, and the environment we grew up in. A common story many of us run is, “I’m not good enough.” This belief affects how we engage with our students and colleagues, leading to negative outcomes like confrontation and mistrust.

For example, if you’ve labelled a particular student as “naughty” or “difficult,” you’re likely to approach every interaction with them through that lens. This mindset doesn’t foster trust or connection; it only contributes to the breakdown of the teacher-student relationship.

Challenging and Changing Our Stories

The good news is that once we become aware of these stories and belief systems, we can choose to change them. This was a game-changer for me when I adopted a non-punitive, trauma-informed approach to teaching. I realised that so many of the stories I was running in my head were just picked up along the way—stories from my own schooling, from other teachers, and from a system that often feels broken.

By challenging these narratives, I was able to show up in a way that aligned with my true values. I learned to recognise what activated me, understand why, and respond to situations with greater self-regulation. This shift not only improved my relationships with students but also transformed my approach to teaching and classroom management.

Emotional Intelligence in Action

Emotional intelligence isn’t just about feeling calm all the time. It’s about recognising when you’re dysregulated and knowing how to bring yourself back into balance. A teacher with high emotional intelligence can create a safe and engaging environment, which is crucial for supporting children as they learn to regulate their own emotions.

Self-regulation is particularly important in today’s classrooms, where many students are dealing with complex trauma and mental health challenges. If we, as educators, are dysregulated, we can’t effectively co-regulate with our students. And remember, emotions are contagious—if we’re constantly stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed, our students will mirror that energy.

The Power of Self-Regulation

Emotionally intelligent teachers are adept at noticing when they’re feeling off-balance and can take steps to regulate themselves. This might involve recognising physical symptoms of stress, like headaches or difficulty concentrating, and responding with strategies like having a sip of water, using nice smelling hand cream, dancing or having something to eat.

By learning to manage our own emotions, we not only improve our well-being but also create a more supportive and effective learning environment. Students who feel safe and supported by an anchored adult are more likely to engage, learn, and thrive.

Building Emotional Intelligence: A Journey, Not a Destination

Building emotional intelligence takes work, commitment, and time. It’s not something that happens overnight. It involves looking deeply into your own stories, beliefs, and values and aligning your actions with them. It’s about reparenting and reconditioning yourself while also learning new skills to support your students.

But the impact is profound. When you commit to this work, you not only transform your own life but also have a ripple effect on your students, colleagues, and the entire school community. And while it might feel like you’re swimming against the current, remember that every positive change you make contributes to a larger movement towards more compassionate and effective education.

I hope this newsletter has given you a deeper understanding of why emotional intelligence is so crucial for teachers and how it can transform your approach to supporting your students in the classroom.

If you’re interested in diving deeper into this work, I run a whole school workshop 'Emotional Intelligence for Educators', I have a course coming (The EMotionally Intelligent Educator) late August/Early September AND I have x2 1:1 coaching spots available —just shoot me an email at hello@emmagentle.com.au and I’ll send you some more details!

Until next time, keep doing the amazing work you’re doing with your kids!

Em x