Why The Hamster Wheel Doesn’t Necessarily Breed Success (A Mentor's Tale)

Photo: Fruit Salesman, Halong Bay, Vietnam 2006- Taken by a young me standing on fisherman’s house boat in one of the most remote villages in the world.

I dedicate this story to all of the students and young professionals that I have been given the honor of mentoring, and to all of my mentors who have made me who I am.

If you are taking time out of your day to be on LinkedIn reading this, it’s probably safe to say that you are a driven person. Why else would you spend time on a Monday evening looking at career related material, right? Being driven is both a gift and at times a curse. Like vampires, there is a burning hunger that takes over the body and can never quite be satiated. We strive for that milestone, enjoy the view from the top of the mountain for a breath or two, than immediately forget and begin on our next endeavor returning to a state of semi-satisfaction. But would we be who we are without that subtle emptiness to drive us?

My journey through, prior and during my career has been less than ordinary and my eyes have been opened to the beauty of so many of the world’s cultures, traditions and people. As I’ve grown in my career, I’ve felt myself at times having tunnel vision and forgetting about the things in life that have made me passionate or even at times happy. Over the past two years, I have taken a microscopic look at myself to determine what makes me passionate in all aspects of life. The purpose, to pursue my belief that a person who takes time to “live life” and pursue passions, may arguably outpace and think more critically than someone who spends equal time specifially on work only. Consider for example, while working through the challenge of learning a song on guitar, or exploring a new path on your favorite ski slope, the process of unraveling the challenge and pushing your boundaries in this passionate pursuit, may just help you solve a pressing issue holding you hostage at work. On the flip side, working extra hours without a break to navigate through, may give you tunnel vision, hinder creative perspective and trap you in the middle of an ever turning hamster wheel.   Overstressed, overworked and underwhelmed your resilience and pace of career growth may just begin to sputter, along with the gas in your proverbial tank.

Like any good motivational opinion piece, the writer often starts with a challenging life story that helps paint the corners of how they arrived at the “aha moment” that they felt so compelled to share. Don’t get me wrong I am no expert, nor will I claim to be. Just hoping to pay it forward. I was once passionate living life to the fullest. For some time that fell off and I found myself lost in the hamster wheel. Now I’m happier than ever with my career, my company and how my focus on bringing passion to the forefront of my personal life is transforming how I motivate myself and my team to strive for excellence and an overall enjoyment for what we do.

Stay with me until the end, I promise I won’t let you down when I get to the heart of it all…..

2014-2015 were years of exponential growth for me in ability, patience and career. Like an elephant falling in the stands at circus, a weight crushed me one day when I realized that I wasn’t very satisfied with my life and career. Something was missing and I felt like I was locked in a dream watching the same day play on repeat day-after-week-after-month. Work, graduate school, sleep, work, graduate school, sleep. I yearned for my two hour (each way) drive from NYC to Philly for school. It was different, challenging and made me feel valuable. But inevitably I was back to work, and couldn’t shake this gut feeling that I was treading trapped in a hamster wheel, underutilizing my inteligence and abilities, and further exaserbating this bad repeating dream.

In school, we would build international business models for entering into new countries, work in teams, fiercely defend our ideas, analyze cultural, governmental and legal forces and rack our brains to find work arounds to make it happen. We were a cohort, and competitive was an understatemen. Like water, through patience we found ourselves seeping through, swelling over and knocking down walls that stymied progression. We had the fortune of participating in two business trips. Traveling to Pananama and Czech Republic, where we met with top executives at some of the worlds most powerful companies, gaining invaluable in person perspective on how the rest of the world does business. In Panama, the president of Caterpillar defended the push for opening trade agreements in North America, while Deutsche Telekom’s (T-Mobile) European director detailed the struggles with transitioning to the Euro and entering the American market.

School was Ying and work was Yang. Inevitably the facade would drop, reality would rear its ugly head and I would again return to the mental mortuary (or at least I thought that way, not recognizing the value of many of the skills I was developing).   An obsession developed and my vision was tunneled towards focusing 90% of myself to work, “knowing that if I just stay later and work harder”, I will get promoted (the only tangible vindication that would fill this emptiness I had woven to soothe my feeling of under utilization. 10% was left to balance the rest of my life.

This is all too common among professionals. The mind races, mental calm evaporates (as it doesn’t get a break from work), and deterioration begins to take place in relationships (at home and work), health, and general mood. However, the train doesn’t speed up and only patience can truly alleviate the impatience to “grow” by climbing the ladder. Weekends of excitement drift into opportunities to catch up on stones unturned in the office. Creativity shrivels, and chasing the answer becomes chasing a carrot in the hamster wheel.

Then the unthinkable happened……one of the buildings in the apartment community that I worked and lived in burned to the ground before my eyes. My home fortunately was unharmed, a fact that I did not learn for four days. That week my life came into focus and I woke up. It’s scary how alive you feel as you stand in the midst of a swarm of residents and coworkers (who you love) in the process of coping with the loss of everything tangible they have ever held dear. You’ve spent more time watching their children grow, kissing their dogs, playing therapist as they vent their daily stresses, and building a village together. As you stand in your own stink in the clothes you wore for days since the fire, the flashing lights, perfect pressed clothes and noxious perfume of reporters, politicians and insurance agents become silently unbearable.

…..and you realize how trivial all of those things (clothes, perfume, even your bed…the things that you worked so hard to have) are in the scheme of life as every breathe become a pound of gold.

You re-evaluate “why am I alive, what is my purpose?”

It would be a bold lie if I told you that at that moment, as I had risen like a phoenix from the ashes, that I figured it all out. But that day I got off the hamster wheel for good, and returned to blazing paths uncharted. A call from my sister drove me to tears followed by an empty yearning for my wife who was in Ohio for a 6 month co-op. The circus elephant sat on my chest again as I questioned if I had taken my family for granted, did I navigate alone blanketed selfishly in my work. Uncertainty rushes in and like a surfer caught beneath a pipeline swell, up and down are not so clear anymore. All that matters, is to ….

….BREATHE

News had spread and an opportunity arose to take on a new opportunity with Greystar, one of the stronger and more progressive companies in our industry. It was a fresh start and I told myself that I will embrace this new opportunity with a fierce passion and patience. For months, I studied myself in an attempt to fill the void that I now discovered.   It dawned on me…..As a young adult I was fiercely passionate, entrepreneurial, creative, and risk averse. I carried myself with a magnetic aura that attracted driven entrepreneurs, adventures and intellectuals pushing boundaries every day.

My life was lived at the edge with passion. In my early 20’s I pushed boundaries, stood by my decisions, focused positively on my mistakes for growth, and opened my mind and heart to listening and absorbing the ideas of everyone I crossed paths with from homeless to executive, they all had stories with valuable lessons.

I lived abroad in Australia and South Korea, far from comfort zone. Climbed waterfalls only to dive off thirty feet below. Climbed, surfed and nourished my body and mind with adrenaline while facing challenges head on. I back packed alone across Asia (Beijing to Australia), spent a weekend staying in silence in Buddhist monastery at the top of a mountain, and even spent a week with Aborigines in the rain forest. At that point I was devouring a book a week, studying Korean and relaxing by playing guitar.

Answers to important career/entrepreneurial development questions came to me during the most peculiar, non-related activities.

By getting away from the business challenges that I grappled with and allowing my mind to explore outside the box, answers flowed like water. Adrenaline and exercise help you to cope and give you the confidence to stand behind what you believe in (even if your bluffing by the seat of your pants). They also release stress and endorphin's. While others my age shook in the presence of CEO’s and developers, I convincingly and confidently shared my opinion.

When leadership opportunities didn’t arise, I just created them by starting a non-profit (recruiting and leading 25 members) and taking on entrepreneurial endeavors. Volunteering brought fulfillment to my life, teaching me vital lessons that I still exercise in my career today about team work, active listening, empowering others and coping with stress.   A door opened gaining access to and building a network among high level executives and entrepreneurs, whom I would have never had access to otherwise. Most fulfilling was learning to work tirelessly, driven by passion and inspiration, not money!

I was alive! My social and family life were tip top and guess what……I loved my work and my work compensated in agreement!

So what changed??? Strangely enough, the slump crept in as all things that rise at some point fall.

Why? Responsibility! It shimmered in with the joy of marriage, bills and the journey of growing up. When you have a family you will do anything to make sure they are taken care of. Risk just upped the anty!

But why do we bury ourselves in work? I believe that stressors spreads your life thin and increase risk. As a result you go into hyper drive to achieve the one thing that you believe will make it easier. That raise in salary, extra responsibility, or the respect of feeling important to those around you.

Impatience sets in and that promotion or business deal can’t come fast enough. When it doesn’t come immediately every missed opportunity is devastating. Every devastation exacerbates this need to work harder. “If I just work harder, it will come”. IT’S A VISCOUS CYCLE!

Hit a wall ………………...Work harder.             (Stressed)

Hit a wall………………...Stay later.                   (cut family time)

Come to work stressed from home life.

Come home stressed from work life.

Concentration………out the window.

Work not done…just come in over the weekend (missed opportunity to pursue passion)

Relationships suffer with family

Relationships suffer at work

Perpetual hamster wheel turns, but you don’t get anywhere as you work hard with no traction.

REPEAT

REPEAT

REPEAT

THE REALITY IS WORK SUFFERS, AND SO DO YOU! THERE IS ONLY ONE LIFE, SCHEDULE TIME TO MAKE SURE YOU LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST. TAKE RISKS AND FORCE YOURSELF INTO CHALLENGING SITUATIONS. THE PASSION WILL BLEED INTO YOUR CAREER, I PROMISE!*

                                    MY RECOMMENDATIONS

• TRAVEL MORE
  1. So you don’t think you have the money? Do me a favor, write down for a month ever meal you eat out, drink you have at a bar, or stop you make at Wawa. It adds up.
  2. Consciously focus on cutting back and re-apply to a savings account for traveling.
  3. Going abroad opens your mind, forces you to adapt outside of your comfort zone, and teaches you about how other cultures live and think (invaluable in business).
  4. Can’t go abroad, get in your car on a Saturday and drive until your somewhere unfamiliar. Find your way home without a GPS. It breaks up the monotony of daily life.

• BRING ADRENALINE INTO YOUR LIFE REGULARLY
  1. Whether your jumping out of a plane, riding your bike down a hill, or walking through a haunted house attraction, the rush of adrenaline will improve your general mood and increase endorphin's.
  2. Activities that spike adrenaline typically force you to step outside of your comfort. Accepting uncomfortable challenges will build confidence to take on challenges in all aspects of life and career.

• SCHEDULE TIME TO PURSUE A HOBBY AND SET GOALS TO REACH FOR
  1. Whether you love golf, guitar or cooking. Build it into your free time schedule.
  2. Set goals to push your boundaries, keep learning and excel.
  3. Improvement will build confidence.
  4. Scheduling and pushing boundaries will bleed into your work place behaviors.

• DEVELOP A CLEANER EATING AND EXERCISE LIFESTYLE
  1. I hate the word diet. Diets are uncomfortable and set you up for failure. When most fall off the wagon, they are hard on themselves and don’t get back on.
  2. Try making juice from fresh vegetables and fruit (mostly vegetables). Drink it every morning with breakfast. It cleans you out, improves your ability to think, and gives you vital vitamins. If you end up eating pizza, you at least know that you had your daily share of fruits and veggies.
  3. Try to work out 3-5 days. Working out doesn’t mean you have to crush yourself with P90-X. These programs work, but do you really see yourself doing it for the next 30 years.
  4. Pick something you will stick with and enjoy. Take a walk everyday, ride a bike for an hour, hit the treadmil. Anything to get your heart going for 30-60 minutes.
  5. If you do choose harder work outs, this is a great way to challenge yourself beyond boundaries, clear your mind and relieve stress.
  6. You will feel better!

• MENTOR AND VOLUNTEER
  1. Mentoring not only gives you the opportunity to change the life of another, but also allows you to learn development strategies that you can use on yourself.
  2. Volunteering naturally makes you feel proud and confident, people respect you for it, and it is the most unbelievable way to network.

• BE SPONTANEOUS
  1. The only way to get away from that nagging feeling that life is boring and repetitive, is to actively try to do things you have never done before on a whim.
  2. Try brushing your teeth with your other hand for a week.
  3. Who knows who you’ll meet or what you’ll discover.

• LOVE
  1. Marriage/relationships are forever difficult, but that’s why they’re worth it. The process of working towards having a strong relationship teaches you invaluable lessons about how to compromise, be patient and most of all communicate.
  2. Love gives you purpose whether it is for family or even a dog.
  3. Pets conquer your attention distracting you from stress, provide you with unconditional love, and keep you on a schedule.

• PLAN YOUR FINANCES- DON’T JUST SHOOT IN THE DARK
  1. Planning and knowing what is coming will eliminate great levels of stress.
  2. Planning your finances will also make you better at taking care of your clients finances.
  3. Most of all, it makes all of the above possible!