Why Listening Might be the Most Underrated Skill in the World

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” - Stephen R. Covey

We are surrounded every single day by distractions. Phones buzzing, Netflix whispering our name, kids running in and out of our business Zoom meetings. Never before in modern history have there been more reasons to lose focus and to give in to the noise. As we continually train our brains to only function in tiny fragments of time, another issue arises: we forget how to listen.

Listening is arguably the most underrated skill in the world. In a reality where politicians are screaming to be heard, and where social media encourages everyone to have a voice and constantly speak up, we can underestimate how much can be accomplished by the act of giving someone our full attention.

Successful Setup

There are certain ways you can set yourself up for successful listening. Equally, there are definite cues that go the other way. Let’s start there.

Giving someone your full attention means eliminating distractions. Put away your phone, close the television, hide your tablet: committing to deep listening means being purposeful about silencing the tech around us. I was speaking with a friend recently and throughout our call I could hear him typing on his keyboard. It was subtle, but it led me to question if he was truly hearing what I was saying. After a few minutes, it became clear the conversation was going nowhere. Of course we’re all busy – but I cannot help thinking it was another lost opportunity for a great connection.

Simple listening set-up trick: walk while you talk! This will ensure you cannot submit yourself to technology except for the one piece of tech you are using for your conversation!

Be in the Present Moment

We spend the absolute majority of our time in the past or in the future. We are constantly reliving memories or planning out what we will do next. Have you noticed, for example, that while you are eating lunch, you are making a mental checklist of all of the things you must do the very second the meal is over? In that optic, the actual moment becomes lost as we were not present in it at all. Here’s a concerning statistic if I ever heard one: Doctor Bruce Lipton has suggested we spend less than 5% of our days in the present moment! Science confirms that our life is passing us by and we don’t even realize it.

Simple trick for being present: Set your INTENTION before starting a conversation. Tell yourself – say it aloud if you have to – that you will make every effort to be fully engaged and present during your conversation. It makes a huge difference.

Learn to Read & Use Non-Verbal Cues

There have been many studies conducted on the subject of body language. One controversial research study by Dr. Mehrabian concluded that the majority of major communication forms go like this: 7% Verbal, 38% Voice & 55% Body Language. The study has been refuted over time, but all clearly agree on one thing: body language and tone of voice absolutely dominate the ways we communicate with each other.

Learn what this means for your conversations. Remind yourself to take a second to look at the person you are speaking with: is their tone of voice is soft or aggressive? What message is their facial expression delivering?

Simple trick to communicate non-verbally: turn your body towards the person you are speaking with, showing them you are dedicating this time and space for this important interaction. Practice slowing down your voice, lowering and elevating your voice pitch in your next discussions. The impact will be huge.

A Question of Effort

It all comes down to effort. The greatest moments often happen as a result of consciously making the decision to be better – or, at the very least, to try! Go into your next conversation with a different mindset. Set your intention, be open, trust the process. Use the opportunity to give yourself fully to another person. Respect them by taking a thoughtful approach: put your devices away when they’re speaking, let them finish each thought, pause before answering, and don’t leave a conversation without evaluating if the other person has felt they have been truly heard. You will see the quality of your conversations, and more importantly, the depth of your relationships improve exponentially. Good luck!

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Shawn Johal, Business Growth Coach & Leadership Speaker