Why Managers Must Master Difficult Conversations and HOW!

Here's a rather alarming statistic for you: over 70% of managers actively avoid having difficult conversations, according to research by Harvard Business School. Let that sink in for a moment.

If accountability is the very glue that binds a promise to a result, then this avoidance is nothing short of managerial malpractice.

It begs the question: why? Why do leaders shy away from these essential conversations when they are the ones who ultimately suffer the consequences?

I believe the answer is quite simple: a lack of experience leading to a lack of confidence.

You can't expect your team to deliver if you're not willing to address when they're falling short. If I were your personal coach in the art of giving feedback, and let's be honest, it is an art – here's the absolute first thing I'd want you to get straight in your mind:

• Employees are paid to perform a role as per their employment contract. It's a fundamental agreement. They have duties, and you have expectations.

• Employers are responsible for training and developing employees to perform. This isn't just about onboarding; it's ongoing. You can't expect perfection if you haven't provided the tools and guidance.

If either party doesn't comply with this, they are in the wrong. Simple, direct, and radically candid. There's no room for ambiguity OR emotion here.

It's time to work out!

The second crucial point is this: like most skills worth having, getting good at these conversations gets significantly easier the more you have them. Think of it as building a muscle. You wouldn't expect to run a marathon without putting in the training, would you?

So, make it your mission as a leader to do as many "reps" a week as possible. Seriously, create a quick spreadsheet – nothing fancy, just a few columns – and track your feedback chats for the week:

1. Label the issue: What was the specific performance gap or behaviour you addressed?

2. What went well? Did you approach it calmly? Did the employee react positively?

3. What didn't go well? Did you waffle? Did you get sidetracked?

4. Were there any challenges? Did the employee get defensive? Was it hard to find the right words?

5. Did you get the result you hoped for? Was there a clear understanding and agreement on next steps?

6. How would you do things differently next time? This is your key learning.

This spreadsheet isn't about judging your team's performance; it's about your performance as a manager. It's your personal feedback loop. And a bonus: if you need more support from your own manager in this area, you now have concrete examples to share, demonstrating your commitment to improvement.

Quick-Fire Tips for Nailing Those Conversations:

Set the Tone: Don't spring it on them. Be upfront with your team about how you operate. Something like, "Look, I'm here to help you succeed, and that means I'm going to give you feedback – both good and bad – in the moment, as I see it." This manages expectations and reduces surprises.

Show, Don't Tell: Sometimes, words just aren't enough. If something isn't being done correctly, don't just tell them what's wrong. Show them how to do it. Demonstrate the correct process. I'm a big fan of Standard Operating Procedures (SOPs), but sometimes people are visual learners and need to see it in action to truly grasp the expectation.

Become a Coach to Your Team: Ditch the dictatorial approach. Instead, ask probing, open-ended questions that engage their understanding and reinforce new learnings

"Talk me through what has happened here?"

"What do you think went wrong?"

"What are your thoughts on how we could do this differently next time?"

"Is anything holding you back from getting this right next time?"

Summary

While there are countless feedback models out there (and some are quite good), my honest opinion is that the most effective approach is to address a situation as soon as you observe it. OR let it fester.

1. Tell them what you have observed: Stick to the facts, not assumptions or judgments.

2. Ask coaching questions: Get them to reflect and problem-solve.

3. If needed, show them how to do it: Provide that practical demonstration.

Difficult conversations are, well, difficult.

But they are absolutely fundamental to building an accountable, high-performing team. So stop avoiding them and start seeing them as opportunities for growth – for both you and your team.

If you have any questions on this, my inbox is always open :)

Don't forget to check out www.thefractionalagency.com