Why Self-Awareness Is the Hardest Skill—and How It Saved My Team

How One Painful Truth Transformed Our Entire Team Dynamic

Three months ago, I was convinced our problems were everyone else's fault. Marketing wasn't delivering quality leads. Sales was overpromising. Engineering was moving too slowly. I had data to back up every claim and spent team meetings pointing out these "obvious" problems.

Then our best developer quit.

In her exit interview, she said something that stopped me cold: "You always know what everyone else should be doing differently, but you never seem to question your own approach." The words stung because deep down, I knew she was right.

That moment forced me to confront an uncomfortable truth. I lacked self-awareness, and it was killing my team's morale and performance.

The Mirror We Avoid Looking Into

Self-awareness might be the most discussed yet least practiced leadership skill. We're quick to spot others' blind spots while remaining oblivious to our own. The irony is that the more successful we become, the harder it gets. Success breeds confidence, and confidence can easily morph into arrogance that blocks honest self-reflection.

I realized I had been operating on autopilot, reacting to problems with the same patterns that had worked in previous roles. But what got me here wasn't going to get us there. My command-and-control style, which worked with junior teams, was suffocating experienced professionals who needed autonomy and trust.

The Turning Point

After that wake-up call, I started asking different questions. Instead of "Why can't they see the solution?" I began asking "What am I missing?" Instead of "How do I get them to understand?" I shifted to "How might I be contributing to this problem?"

I implemented a simple but powerful practice: ending each week by writing down three things I could have done better. Not things that went wrong—things I personally could have handled differently. The patterns that emerged were eye-opening. I interrupted too much in meetings. I made decisions without gathering enough input. I confused urgency with importance and created unnecessary pressure.

Most importantly, I started seeking feedback actively rather than defensively. I asked team members specific questions: "When I do X, how does it affect your work?" The conversations were uncomfortable but transformative.

The Transformation

Six months later, our team dynamic has completely shifted. Projects are moving faster because people feel empowered to make decisions. Innovation has increased because team members aren't afraid to challenge ideas—including mine. Retention is up because people feel heard and valued.

Self-awareness didn't just save my team; it saved my career.

Your Action Step

This week, try the "Friday Three" practice. Every Friday, write down three specific things you could have done better as a leader. Focus on your actions, not others' reactions. After a month, review your notes. The patterns you discover might surprise you—and transform how you lead.

Warmly,

Leon