Why So Many of Us Struggle to Stand Up for Ourselves

Have you ever found yourself cursing fate, the stars, even the universe — but never confronting the person who’s actually hurting you? You're not alone. Far too many people live in quiet suffering, unable or unwilling to stand up to those who harm them, especially when those people are family or authority figures. But why?

It’s not because we’re weak. It’s because we’re wired — and conditioned — in deeply complex ways.

1. The Belief That Respect Means Silence

One of the most powerful forces holding people back is a cultural or moral belief system that has equated respect with submission. In many societies, there’s a deeply ingrained rule: never speak back to your elders. No matter how toxic, cruel, or emotionally abusive they may be, they are to be respected — and respected often means obeyed, tolerated, even feared.

This isn’t respect. It’s fear dressed in tradition. And this belief system can keep people stuck for years — if not lifetimes — silently enduring mistreatment in the name of “respect.” It teaches them to doubt their instincts and see self-protection as disobedience or betrayal.

2. Calling It "Keeping the Peace" When It's Actually Avoiding Conflict

Another common reason people don’t stand up to abusers is the belief that confrontation equals conflict, and conflict is dangerous. So they tell themselves they're keeping the peace. But here’s the truth: peace without boundaries is not peace — it’s suppression.

Real peace isn’t the absence of noise. It’s the presence of justice and mutual respect.

Many people don’t lack awareness that they’re being mistreated. They lack the courage to face the emotional upheaval that speaking up would bring — the guilt, the backlash, the disapproval. So they stay quiet, hoping things will change on their own.

But more often than not, they don’t. In fact, they get worse.

3. The Nervous System: Freeze or Fawn Response

Perhaps the most overlooked — and deeply human — reason we can’t stand up for ourselves lies in our nervous system. Trauma doesn’t just live in our minds. It lives in our bodies.

When someone is verbally attacked or emotionally manipulated, especially by someone who has power over them, their nervous system can go into survival mode — not fight, not flight, but freeze or fawn.

• Freeze looks like choking up, shutting down, going blank. You want to speak, but your throat literally tightens. Your mind goes foggy. You're in shock. You can’t move, can’t respond, can’t defend yourself. It’s not weakness — it’s a biological survival response.

• Fawn looks like pleasing, appeasing, over-giving. It’s the desperate attempt to avoid danger by keeping the abuser happy. The mind tricks itself into believing: Maybe if I’m kind enough, they’ll stop. It’s heartbreaking, but common — especially in people who grew up with unpredictable or emotionally unavailable caregivers.

So What Can Be Done?

Recognizing these patterns is the first step. If you see yourself in any of this, know that you’re not broken — you’ve just been surviving. And survival is not a flaw.

But healing begins when we stop calling fear “peace,” when we challenge belief systems that glorify silence, and when we learn to listen to our bodies instead of overriding them.

Standing up for yourself isn’t disrespectful. It’s self-respect in action.

And your voice — even if it shakes, even if it comes late — deserves to be heard.

Do you feel like this is your story? Are you fed up with being mistreated but don’t know what to do? Book a Clarity Call with us — and let’s take the first step toward your healing and empowerment.

Dr. Ashwini Chube is an NLP Coach & Teacher, Access Consciousness Facilitator, and Life Transformation & Manifestation Coach with over a decade of practitioner experience and 9 years of teaching expertise. 👉 Click here to book your clarity call https://www.unicorninsight.com/bookasession/