“Why are you sitting here?” RACIAL BIAS OR OVER-REACTION?

A Black woman says she was unfairly singled out aboard an Air France flight from Paris to Dallas after a white male passenger allegedly objected to her being seated next to him. An incident she and others called a glaring example of racial bias as reported in the Atlantic Black Star. “A flight attendant reassigned her to a nearby empty seat next to a white man. But shortly after she sat down, the man looked at her and allegedly asked, “Why are you sitting here?”

 The incident raised social media outrage, defensiveness, blaming and shaming. Meanwhile, some online commenters downplayed the incident and dismissed the woman’s claims of racism as preposterous:

 "Another victim, huh? From what this lady said, he NEVER said anything about race… nothing. SHE is the one who brought her race up,” one user wrote. “That crap is getting so old that people aren’t buying it anymore. And this is a great example. Save the ‘racism’ accusations for the REAL cases of it.”

 But for many Black people, the problem isn’t always in what’s said outright—but what’s implied. Racism takes on many veiled forms—subtle slights, coded discomforts, and decisions disguised as preferences. It’s not always loud or obvious, but it shows up in who’s asked to move, who gets believed, and whose comfort matters most, the women explained to the attendant.

They said the situation was more about the double standards that many Black people quietly endure when their presence alone is treated as a disruption. The commenter suggests Black people should simply shrug off moments like these, to move on, or not make it “about race.” But the cumulative toll of being treated as less-than equal—even if it’s perceived—is now increasingly difficult to accept.

 *** https://atlantablackstar.com/2025/07/21/black-woman-says-she-was-asked-to-change-seats-because-a-white-passenger-was-not-happy/

So, when should Black people just walk away? And what is the cost of staying?As a psychologist and consultant supporting organisations on their journeys toward equity, inclusion, belonging, and decolonisation, I encounter these questions constantly, not only in the spaces I work in, but in the bodies and lives of people who carry the weight of navigating them every day.

What's below the surface? In the Air France flight incident, the question “Why are you sitting here?” carries layers of meaning. On the surface, it might seem like a simple inquiry. But for many Black people, it triggers a lifetime of being questioned, displaced, and made to feel that your very presence is somehow unwelcome or in need of justification. This is what many still don’t understand: racism today often doesn’t look like it used to. It is not always loud or crude. It shows up as discomfort, assumptions, unequal scrutiny, or the invisible prioritisation of one person’s comfort over another’s humanity.

Inclusion says you have a right to board the plane because you have a ticket for economy class. Whether you belong on that flight is about your sense of psychological safety. If I venture into business class, I know I do not belong by virtue of my ticket status. But it’s a different experience when I am in the right place feeling like I am doing something wrong. When I sense I can be here but I am not welcome here.

 It’s easy to dismiss incidents like this as an over-reaction. Sometimes a respectful conversation can clarify and ease discomfort. When discriminatory experiences are met with defensive, then it becomes more than just misunderstanding, oversight or an honest mistake that needs rectification. There is a deeper value system at play.

To “walk away” is often positioned as maturity, grace, or resilience. I remember times when I was and continue to be covertly sidelined or dismissed. My sense of grace says this is an unconscious bias at play. I should know this as a psychologist. At another time this was harder for me to process, when I as actively excluded and pushed out of a leadership team leading to a period of intense burnout and feeling like an ‘imposter’. Here again my good Christian socialisation urged me to forgive and move on.  Not to challenge what was an experience of bias and discrimination.

In truth, this moving on is too frequently a forced choice: a cost-benefit analysis shaped by past trauma, professional consequences, or the simple exhaustion of having to explain yourself yet again. For many marginalised people, ‘just leaving’ is often financial suicide. So, the staying with all the pain and a hope that something will change. While sometimes walking away is the wise or self-protective move, it also asks: how many walk-aways does it take before something in you also starts to disappear?

Notice the Patterns of Bias: As professionals and leaders committed to building inclusive cultures, we must reckon with the cumulative cost of these moments. Not just the one-off incident, but the pattern. When unconscious bias plays out in real-world interactions, we must ask:

• Whose comfort is centred?
• Whose voice is questioned?
• Whose presence is problematised?

Because that’s where power and harm reside. From an intersectional perspective, as an example, being Black and woman become double burdens in a colonised and patriarchal society and workplace.

It’s not about whether someone “meant it.” It’s about the impact. And intent without awareness or accountability is not enough. So no, it is not always over-reaction. In fact, the more pressing question may be: why are so many still under-reacting?

In my work with organisations, leaders are always challenged to go beyond diversity headcounts and inclusion statements. Begin to develop the cultural literacy to understand racialised dynamics in their veiled, relational, and structural forms. Create safety not just for difference to be represented. To be believed is a sincere honouring of another human being. Black people and all marginalised people shouldn't have to choose between their peace and their presence.