Why You're Not Going to Bed (Even When You're Exhausted)

The hidden psychology behind bedtime procrastination - and why it’s not just about screens

We all know the feeling: you're tired. You’ve yawned your way through your evening. And yet, at 11.15pm, you’re still scrolling, still pottering, still doing anything but getting into bed.

This isn’t simply poor time management. Psychologists now refer to this pattern as “revenge bedtime procrastination”- the decision to delay sleep in order to reclaim some control over your time. It often shows up in people whose days are filled with responsibilities, meetings, or care duties. The night becomes a defiant act of autonomy.

But recent research suggests there’s more to this than screen time or habit. What if the root cause is not technology, but identity?

The overstimulated self: How performance culture rewired our nights

Over the last two decades, productivity culture has crept into every corner of daily life. You’re not just working. You’re optimising. Even your rest is now monitored by apps and wearables.

For high-performing professionals, this often leads to a subtle erosion of identity: who am I outside my work? Outside my responsibilities?

Sleep procrastination may be the only part of the day that feels like yours. Not work time. Not family time. Just you. Even if that time is mindless.

Behavioural psychologists from Utrecht University have shown that bedtime procrastination is more common in people with low self-regulation, but recent discourse reframes this as a coping mechanism for emotional depletion - not laziness.

In China, the term “revenge bedtime procrastination” went viral on social media platforms like Weibo and Douyin, where young professionals working under the gruelling 996 schedule (9am to 9pm, six days a week) described staying up late as their only escape. The phrase struck a global nerve - and revealed just how universal the pattern is.

Sleep as a site of conflict

There’s a quiet irony here. The very thing we sabotage - our rest - is the thing we most need to recover our sense of self.

Many clients report this exact experience. They know they need sleep. But lying in bed becomes a moment of vulnerability. The stillness exposes the thoughts they’ve kept at bay all day. The phone becomes armour. Netflix becomes a buffer. Sleep becomes the battle.

In this sense, bedtime procrastination is rarely about pleasure - it’s often about avoidance.

So what helps?

Not more self-discipline. Not another morning routine.

Instead, the real shift comes from addressing what bedtime now means for people. Is it just the end of the day? Or has it become the only time you’re allowed to feel like you?

This is where neuro-relaxation comes in. Not because it’s another trick for falling asleep faster - but because it teaches the body and mind how to return to themselves without friction. Without overstimulation. Without judgement.

Clients who regularly delay sleep often find their patterns change not because of rules or sleep hygiene - but because they stop needing to rebel. They’re no longer using the night as a stand-in for personal time. They’ve made space for themselves elsewhere in their day.

Final thought

Bedtime procrastination is rarely about bedtime. It’s about unmet needs.

And when we stop treating the symptom - and start listening to the pattern - rest can become restoration again.

SleepFluent™ is part of MindFluent UK – a clinically led neuro-relaxation service supporting high performers, professionals, and private clients to reset their nervous system, reclaim deep rest, and wake up ready. Our work blends advanced NLP, coaching, and clinical hypnotherapy techniques in discreet, in-person sessions that deliver real transformation – from the inside out.