Words Matter

Memory is a funny thing. Well human memory anyway. It’s highly mailable, shaped and reshaped constantly by our subconscious in order to preserve the many stories we tell ourselves in order to remain sane, productive, “happy” and for many people, simply alive. If I had the power, maybe a superpower, I would undo every mistake, erase the memory of every embarrassment or flippant comment which made me look like a complete idiot. I don’t think I’m in anyway remarkable in this respect but there are moments when I look back and think, how did I ever let X or Y happen? What the hell was I thinking?

Recently my ever-active LinkedIn messaging app prompted one of those moments for me. A message from a name I didn’t recognize recounted with some angst and genuine hurt a brief encounter I had with a then fresh from grad, enthusiastic and budding entrepreneur. I was called out for dismissing, out of hand, a start-up concept which he shared during a round table event in our tech community a few years ago. The word ‘crushed’ was used tied to an oblique warning for me – and for all of us, to remember how powerful our words can be. I lead the active and outbound life of a serial entrepreneur and meet 5-10 new businesses a month, their founders, teams, investors, bankers etc. – so I can’t specifically recall the interaction in question – but suffice to say I was actually a bit shaken. That’s not me I thought to myself, I spend my days listening and really do try to talk less and listen more, it’s something I work on actively and I do genuinely care about the businesses and executives, CxO’s that I work with and mentor so this message from out of the blue hit home.

What I didn’t do next was refute the interaction or the memory of this individual – who I might add, now has a successful start-up and what appears to be a validated MVP in a tech sector that seldom sees innovation take root. I responded in apology. Clearly the memory was powerful, and my interaction was flippant, I wasn’t listening, not realizing that my specific insights were less valuable then, in that moment, than general encouragement. So – to my peers across the sector that mentor, support, invest in or otherwise build our lives around the start-up ecosystem; be frank – always, but let’s remember our place, no one wants ‘crushed me’ on their tombstone.