You Are More Than What You Do
One of the biggest challenges many people face when it comes to marrying the right person is that they often define themselves by what they do, not by who they truly are. Many professionals—whether pastors, professors, CEOs, artists, or civil servants—fall into the trap of believing that their job title or public image should carry the same weight in their personal relationships, especially in marriage. However, marriage is not a workplace. It is not a classroom, a congregation, or a boardroom. It is a space of deep connection, humility, and service. If one enters it wearing only the identity of their profession, they are likely to experience avoidable tension and disappointment.
It is not unusual to see a very gifted man or woman—full of charisma, energy, and drive—struggle in romantic relationships. These are people who can move crowds with their voice, inspire students with their words, and lead teams with their vision. Yet in private, they may lack the wisdom to relate with their partner without turning every moment into a performance. As C.S. Lewis wisely observed in Mere Christianity, “Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind”. When individuals allow their professional pride to dominate their private relationships, especially in marriage, it often leads to conflict and emotional distance.
I have seen young pastors who expect their love interest or spouse to treat them as their congregants do. They want to be addressed with the same titles, spoken to with the same reverence, and never corrected or challenged. Some professors want to be treated like they are in a lecture hall, expecting their spouses to sit quietly while they explain everything as if the other person has no opinions. These expectations are not only unfair but also damaging. They forget that their partner is not a subordinate or a fan but a life companion.
Marriage, as the Bible teaches in Ephesians 5:21, is about “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ”. This verse does not suggest a one-way submission based on job title or social influence. Rather, it calls for mutual respect and humility. No matter how influential one may be in public, marriage requires the humility to listen, to apologise, and to serve.
Respect is essential in any marriage. Every spouse deserves to be treated with dignity and kindness. However, respect does not mean fear. It does not mean constantly reminding your spouse of your position in society. Even if one is the president of a nation, they must remember that in marriage, leadership is about service, not domination. As Dr. Myles Munroe once said, “True leadership is not about control but about service. It is not about power but about empowerment”. A healthy marriage is built not on titles, but on truth, transparency, and trust.
To see yourself beyond what you do is a skill that takes time to develop. It means knowing that your achievements do not determine your worth. You are valuable because you are human, not because of what you have accomplished. You are loved because you are, not because you impress. This is a hard truth for many to accept, especially in a world that constantly measures people by their output. But until this truth is embraced, it is easy to approach relationships with the wrong mindset.
When two people marry, they bring their past, their personalities, and yes, their professions into the relationship but they must also learn to shed their masks and connect as equals. Marriage thrives not on reputation but on honesty. Not on hierarchy but on partnership. This is why marrying right is not just about choosing the right person but also about being the right person—one who understands that they are more than their job or title.
It is a solemn truth that many marriages fail not because of external pressure, but because one or both partners could not separate their public image from their private identity. They insisted on being honoured instead of being known. They demanded loyalty instead of building love. If you are to marry right, you must first see yourself right—not through the lens of your profession or influence, but through the eyes of God who sees your heart. You are more than what you do and only when you accept this can you truly give and receive love in its purest form.
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